I need some advice from an uninterested party.?

Question

I am from Massachusetts and my husband is from Oklahoma. I lived in OK for 8 years (how I met him) and 2 years ago my husband, son, and myself moved back to my home town in MA. Since living here, I have finally been going to college for the past year and I love the school I am in- I would rather finish here. My husband hates it here and wants to move back to OK in April, but I don't feel ready. I like it there, but all of my family is here. (and his are all there) Anyone in my life has a personal input, so can someone help me out here?

Answer 1

My suggestion would be, see if you can stay in MA to finish your school then review the situation then. Also does your son have an opinion on this? (not sure how old he is).
Maybe by the time you finish school your husband might decide to settle there.
If he is adamant about moving then think back when you lived in OK, were you both happier compared to now?
If you liked living in OK (even though you prefer MA) then I would suggest moving back as you could always find a school here.
Regarding family, well there is no way around that with both families living in different States. Make sure there is more visits during the vacations to visit them.
Being happy as a family is the important issue here, school, work etc can easily be found.

I moved from the UK to OK leaving family and friends behind so I know how hard it is being away from them. Sometimes you just have to make sacrifices to be with the one you love and to make your future.

Answer 2

This is an age old problem. While you feel that you fit in, your husband does not. There should be a happy medium, but there probably isn't and moving halfway between wouldn't solve anything. Perhaps you could compromise and live in Mass until you graduate, agreeing to then move to Oklahoma. While you are close to your family, your real family is your husband and son. If you cannot come to some agreement, you will end up parting. That is probably not something you want.

Answer 3

Depends on who is the major bread-winner, if he has a good job back home, if the move will benefit the child and family, if you can transfer your credits to the new OK school, etc.
My opinion is this: unless both parties agree, the answer needs to be "no" until they can work it out together. Possibly you finishing another year, possibly him securing a job first, etc.
But... if your husband is miserable and hates it that much, I'd personally be backing up... his well-being is more important, and schools can be changed. If it's a matter of like vs. hate- I'd move.

Answer 4

hmmm tough one. but it seems as if your husband just can't adjust to the location or whatever it is that he doesn't like. it's not that he hasn't given it a chance, you've been there for a while. on the other hand, really it seems like you would be happy in either place.

if i were in that situation i would probably move back to make my husband happy about where he is (because i love him and would expect him to do the same if the situation was reversed) if you really really love the school that much maybe you two can come to an agreement to move once you graduate.

best wishes

Answer 5

I think that your husband should be a little bit more understanding, especially as you are studying there. Could he not wait until you finish you studies? But then again I can see where he's coming from, I'd hate to be away from my family. But he seriously has to learn how to compromise, it's your life too and you have a right to speak your mind and choose where you live. Talk to him and discuss it, if he's that unreasonable about staying then i'd seriously think about your relationship.

Hope it all works out x

Answer 6

This is a tough one. But you need to find out what makes you truly happy. If you go back to OK without really wanting to be there, you'll be miserable, and make everyone around you miserable. Is there a college that you can transfer to? You really need to talk with your husband OPENLY about this. That is the best thing you can do.

Answer 7

For the time being, I'd let him know you really enjoy the program you're in and if you transferred to another college, you might lose the credits you've already earned. For practical reasons, I think you should remain where you're at... however, when you finish college, it's going to be he wants to be near his family vs. you want to be near yours, and that isn't something easy to settle. You might want to seek marriage therapy if you two cannot reach an agreement, to work it out and discuss it with a professional to guide the conversation.

Answer 8

Research the schools and towns BETWEEN OK and MA. Find a compromise. This all for him and nothing for you, or vice-versa isn't working. Therefore, nothing for both of you and travel time for both with a good school for you might be the answer. Just a suggestion... Good luck to you both... and hugs!!!

Answer 9

I think you should finish your school, but maybe, do they have an online course? are you personally affecting your family, or your kid? you need an education. if your husband died or wasnt there for you, you would need to support your family, and i think that having an education would be the nest way that you would be able to keep your family afloat. i think your husband needs to understand it. promise you will move back, but that you want to be able to be secure in the fact that you would be able to support the family if he was to be out of a job or something. :)

Answer 10

Someone's going to have to give. There's no good "halfway" point here. Whoever gives up their state should be allowed unlimited phone calls and 2 trips home a year (airfare is cheap these days).

Sorry.