born gay and think its wrong....?

Question

first off i am not gay, bit i have no problem with gays.love whoever you want to love, i dont care....but i am confused by what gays say. but when people say that gays arent born gay, gays say that of course they are, why would they choose to be that way? but isnt this response telling that they think being gay is wrong? can anyone help me understand this better?

Answer 1

The world treats gay people badly. Who wants to spend their lives being treated badly?

Answer 2

There is, for some people, a great deal of pain associated with being gay. I would note, not for me, so I understand what you mean -- but on the other hand -- I have a friend who just (to my shock) announced he was gay and had always known it at the age of 38. Why so late? He knew his mother would reject him utterly (she did -- hasn't been willing to speak to him, even at the holidays since). Another friend just escaped a home where he knew that if he admitted he was gay, he was likely to be killed (I mean that literally) and a third young (18) year old friend tried to tell his father because he's in college and has fallen in love with his best friend, who is outgay -- and he's known for a long time. Without breaking stride his father hit him through the mouth and continued the conversation as if he hadn't said anything. Now that boy is very shaken and is getting involved in drugs to deal with the pain of the rejection -- he already spent several years when he was younger trying to deny what he was feeling and now his father won't even acknowledge he's been told.

So, what people mean is that they would not choose the pain. Pain isn't right or wrong, it just is. I have friends who would not have chosen their ethnicity or race for the exact same reason. In fact, I can think of three people immediately, one African American, the second Chinese and the third Arabian -- all of whom would gladly give up what they were born, if people would just accept them for who they are -- all three are among the most loving people I've ever known. Two are also gay (the Asian and the Arab) but the African American isn't. All of them see their "problem" with interacting with society as being primarily race based. In reality there is no problem with any race, and no problem with any sexuality -- but people try to deal with the pain that life can bring because of those things by discarding the things that bring the pain, not the pain-givers.

I hope that helped, at least somewhat.

Reyn
[e-mail]

I think "slimbeats" and "Jesuslovesyou" adequately express the hatred that many gays wish they could avoid. Thank you to both of you for revealing your rampant bigotry and trying to defend it (in the case of Jesuslovesyou) with your sad theology. I strongly recommend thinking and learning to both of you -- I know you don't want to, but it would be good for you.

Regards,

Reynolds Jones
http://www.rebuff.org

Answer 3

I think I understand what you mean - the reason gay people say that is not because they think being gay is wrong, but because sometimes the stick you get for it makes harder to be gay than be straight. They mean why would I chose a path that makes my life more difficult, surely if it was a choice I'd pick the easy one?

I'm a gay woman, I'm happy to say that even if it was a choice (and I'm convinced it's something you're born with) and I could pick to be straight - I wouldn't do it. I'm happy to be who I am.

Answer 4

Let me put it this way:

When you were growing up, did you ever come to a "fork" in your life where you decided, "okay, I want to choose Straight, not Gay, or Gay, not Straight?" Of course not, no one does. You JUST ARE Straight. PERIOD. Why can't the same work for us? We don't "flip a switch" to choose Gay, we don't "choose" Gay. WE JUST ARE. The same way you always like Boys as a Girl, I have always liked Boys as a Boy. There is no rhyme or reason. I have fought this and tried and tried to "change." However, I finally realized that it was not MY problem but OTHER PEOPLES that was making my life hell. Once I realized that, I have been totally happy and content.

Again, if you didn't make a conscious choice to choose Straight over Gay, why should we have?

Answer 5

no, of course not. why would that response indicate that it is wrong? that's ridiculous. I know that I have never been attracted to men, only women. there is nothing that causes people to "turn" gay. all the stereotypical "reasons" bigots like to say cause us to change are b.s. I was not raised in a broken home, my parents were married 29 years until my father passed away. I was never molested/raped/abused. I didn't know anyone openly in my family or otherwise growing up. I was never "hurt" by a man because, since I was never attracted to them, I never dated them. And I don't hate men, either. I have lots of male friends. I have lots of friends, male and female, gay and straight. I had a happy childhood. So, unless I was born lesbian, I don't see what could have "caused" be to become one. I never made any choice. I just am. End of story.

Answer 6

The reason that we say of course we where born this way and why would we choose it is not because WE think its wrong, its because SOCIETY thinks its wrong. We are treated differently, dont have the same rights as straights, its difficult to adopt, you cant be yourself in public or at work for fear of being fired, there are many reasons why its difficult to be gay. But all of those reasons are because of our society, not us. We dont think being gay is wrong.

Answer 7

Society has caused a view, that homosexuality is wrong, and thats not changing in the near future. That makes if hard to be gay. When people sy they wouldnt choose to be gay, they arent saying that its a bad thing, just that is difficult at the moment. Personaly, I've never expeianced homophobia, anywhere, so I like being gay, and wouldnt choose to be staight given the option. But then I'm 15 so it could change.

Answer 8

It's because some people can't help but to be gay. Sometimes it's a choice but other times it isn't.
Depending on where, how, and events in their life they can become changed. Some are just attracted to males and unattracted to femails because of an instinct that isn't quite right. Other times people get sick of trying to get attention from the opposite sex and are more comfortable with their own. Also if emotionally and phsycially abused they may become gay.
It's a complicated matter, but I dought anyone ever would trully choice to just be gay, it's all on what has happened to them.

Answer 9

I think what they mean when they say, "why would we choose to be like this" is that being gay in this world is way harder than being straight, and no one in their right mind would honestly choose a path in their life that they knew would be unnecessarily harder than another path. So when they say it, they don't mean that it's wrong that they're gay, or that they don't like being gay, just that it's hard to be gay.

Answer 10

No, their response simply means (in my opinion) that why would they decide to be of a sexual orientation that many people find repugnant and are biased against?

With homophobia present in our society, gays face job discrimination, violence, being forced out of the military, etc. So even 'tho they didn't choose their sexual preference, just as heterosexuals didn't, gays face an uphill battle just living in this country because of their sexuality.

Answer 11

People in general discriminate against gay, people in general don't like being discriminated, so any rational person would choose not to be discriminated against. What they are saying is why would they choose to be gay when they could avoid so much hate if they didn't.