When is it okay for a soon-to-be ex to introduce our kids to his girlfriend?

Question

My soon-to-be-ex left 5 months ago and although he's filed for divorce, I've not yet been served with papers. Despite the fact that the divorce is nowhere near final, he introduced our kids (ages 10 and 7) to his girlfriend and her son (age 4) this weekend. The five of them proceeded to spend the evening together. Am I wrong to be uneasy (okay...downright nauseated) by this?

Answer 1

no it's perfectly nomal

Answer 2

Well, the truth is that he's already done it,so what can you do now? Yes, it does seem rather soon for him to be doing this, because the kids could get attached to her, and then one day she's history, but if it's only getting together once in a while and playing with the four year-old, then in reality it's not much different than a playdate with another parent. Don't make it out to be a bigger deal than it is and if you are on speaking terms with the ex, just tell him that you hope takes the kid's best interests to heart, point out the potential hurt they could experience if he and she don't work out, but the kids have become emotionally attached. DO NOT speak poorly of him or her to the kids, they will form their own opinions, and nobody will ever replace mommy.

Answer 3

I been in the divorce process now starting my third year. I ever introduce any of my adult relationships with my daughter. I don't want to introduce anyone until I was sure that it was going somewhere. But my ex has hooked up with someone else and has introduce her boyfriend to my daughter. You can't control what your soon to be ex does but you can only control what you do. You need to explain to your kids the important stuff to protect them. If they start building a relationship with someone that your ex is dating and it falls apart then the next time the kids will be more cautious with the next one.

Answer 4

Funny thing i am going through something like that right now myself.
Wife and me in middle of negotiating separation. She has been having an affair so she already has boyfriend waiting in the wings.

As part of our prenting plan we are signing i have added a atipulation that neither of us can introduce a new partner to the kids, or even have them in the presense of the kids for a period of at least 12 months, or else they will have violated the parenting plan.

Kids are about to have their hearts torn apart, and to introduce them to a new 'stepfather' so soon after their real father is gone would wreak havoc with their minds.

5 months is way too short, and your ex is an absolute trash and selfish pig for doing that to you and your kids.

Answer 5

Man I feel ya!I am going through the same thing..me and my ex have been divoprced for 7 years and he has had like 5 different girlfriends..and married once.. and is now a swinger..with his girlfriend..and I am so frustrated and I cant do anything.I am now going to court because he is trying to take the kids from me..!!!I have been with my current husband the whole 7 yrs...Basically there is no law or anything you can do.But you are a mother and I believe it isnt wrong for you to feel uneasy.I been there and I know What you mean!

Answer 6

I know you don't want to hear this, but it's ok for him to do this and there is nothing you can do about it. I know it makes you feel sick to your stomach that your hubby has another woman and your kids now know her, but don't worry they won't make her their new mom. I have been divorced for 4 years and my ex now has a new girlfriend and when the kids have to meet her, I'm going to feel sick. it's a natural reaction to it all. Cuz they are YOURS and no one elses and the thought of another woman bossing them around and doing stuff with them, just makes you feel uneasy. You wouldn't be much of a mother if it didn't bother you! But for your kids sake, be supportive and try to get along with the her so that your kids don't feel like they are betraying you, or there's a chance they will like her but tell you they hate her and it's going to be harder on them then on you. but remember, you are always there Mom!!! Good luck and stay strong and if I were you and he's gone this far with a new relationship, I would tell him you want those papers, get it over with!!!

Answer 7

You have every right to be uneasy. Does he not think about how the kids might feel. They are the most important in this situation. He needs to put them first. He should have waited, what if they do not work out and he decides to move on to someone else? Kids do get attached especially during a time like this. Maybe call him and explain how you feel if he is willing to talk. I have gone through this myself, good luck.

Answer 8

Yes you are. Get over yourself. He has moved on and you need to realize that. He has a right to introduce his children to anyone he wishes to and there is little to nothing that you can do about it. You simply have to mature and accept the fact that you lost him for whatever reason - your marriage is over. He has someone else in his life that he wants his children to know and a relationship that he believes is trustworthy enough to let them become a part of. It has nothing to do with your feelings or the conflict between you and their father. It does have a great deal to do with his relationship with his children. You sound like a bitter ex-wife to me and perhaps you should seek therapy for your issues before you cause serious problems for your children with your own venom and feelings of jealousy. if it all blows up in his face, he'll be the one who has to make it right with his children...you can file for a divorce on your own and stop making excuses about not being served yet. There will come a time that you meet someone else and move on with your life as well and you will not like it if your ex has issues with your new relationship...live and let live...you loved, you lost - so let go and move on and be the bigger person.

Answer 9

If your divorce is immenent then it's not inappropriate for him to move on. Most divorced parents I know though, prefer to wait until they are fairly sure a relationship is moving in a positive direction before introducing the kids to their new "interest".

Since you two aren't quite divorced yet, the current situation may be odd for the kids. It doesn't send a good message to them, at their age.

Answer 10

for sure beside the point. this would backfire on him interior the divorce. to not point out confuse the youngsters. Yours and his little ones are nonetheless attempting to conform with the separation. this would desire to purely be achieved after a divorce, and could first be presented in a secure or public placing. notice that there are 2 themes here. Your grief and the little ones being presented to and sure interior of yet another family members. shop your concentration on the appropriate interst of the little ones. notice of warning, in case you have not been served with papers, yet, get your guy or woman criminal professional, get a momentary order for custody and a momentary order to ward off this. Goll you do not additionally be responsive to something approximately this gal. even if she may be very staggering, that's merely too stressful on the youngsters. think of if this relationship does not paintings out, there will be yet another and yet another, and the little ones start to enhance familal relationships that end. the daddy isn't making sturdy judgements for the little ones.

Answer 11

What a piece of sh*t he is huh ? Damn he didn't waste no time. What a jerk. Thank god your rid of him. Ive never been married and have no kids but Ive heard that the kids shouldn't meet the person your dating until you know its serious between the two of you. They say its not good to keep bringing people in their lives and then taking them away. Kids dont process that well.