I have been with my boyfriend for 2½ years. He has told me numerous times that I am the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. He has told me he wants a child with me, and that he will one day marry me. I want to know from the men, why do men wait to ask, and how long is too long? I am (almost) 30 and do not want to keep biding my time if he is just saying this to keep me around. I truely believe that he loves me...how long should I wait?
2007-01-15 08:21:38 · 49 answers · asked by beachbum_susie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I've gotten a lot of great answers so far. As far as living together, I moved in a year ago. I don't know if that changes anyone's opinion or not.
2007-01-15 08:33:00 · update #1
If:
You are living with him
You are sleeping with him
You are acting like a wife
You are doing his laundry
You are... yadda yadda yadda
He has no reason to marry you.
At 30 you need to get serious. Stop playing marriage. Move out, stop having sex, stop playing married and tell him it will only change if he marries you. Tell him you love him dearly but you need to know he loves you enough to want to please you.
You are too old to play games. It is time for him to $h!t or get off the pot.
2007-01-15 08:34:26 · answer #1 · answered by Trollkepr 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My girlfriend (now wife) and I dated for about 3 years and lived together for 1 year (included in that 3 year total) before I proposed.
I wanted to make sure we were compatible. I didn't want to add to the divorce statistic. I also wanted to get in a financial position where I felt we would be better.
That's why I waited.
Getting married to many men causes anxiety. If you read lots of similar questions and answers on here, you will see that many men have a hard time committing. Many men cite the reason as being that once they are committed, if something better comes along, they will have to pass it by.
Your boyfriend probably truely does love you and is probably honest in what he is saying....unless you know him to not be an honest guy. Entering into marriage equates to passing into another stage in life that reminds men that they are getting older. With marriage comes stress for guys...planning the wedding...buying a house...babies...etc...etc...etc... Now, all of these things are things that women live for and are excited about and can't wait to get into. Thus comes the eternal conflict between men and women. One wants to hit the breaks and the other the accelerator.
Delivering an ultimatum can be a dangerous thing to do. It can make him feel like he's being backed into a corner. It can also clearly communicate the message to him that you want to move forward.
How long is too long? I can't answer that for you. Give him a chance, but don't wait forever.
2007-01-15 08:33:36 · answer #2 · answered by BAM 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is scared if something happen he doesn't want to lose you. Take it from me I do divorces for a living and once you get married this could change. Maybe not for everyone but they do change. It sounds like he loves you very much if you love him why get married it is just a piece of paper. (By the way in most states you are already marred 2 and half years is a long time) Or you could do this if you aren't to scared of losing what you have (don't spoke him) You ask him to marry him it is a new day in age women are stepping up and doing all kinds of new things.(By the way I got flowers from a women before weird huh)
Maybe ask a new question on yahoo answers what is the sweetest way for a woman to ask a man to marry them.
2007-01-15 08:36:15 · answer #3 · answered by charles l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not a guy but the guy answers didn't look all that great. I would give it 6 more months, then re-evaluate the situation. He may be saving up for a ring and planning the surprise proposal. If you get to the point where it's been 3 years, I think you need to tell him you'd like to be in a relationship for the long haul only, so it's in or out. 3 years is long enough for him to decide and get his ducks in a row, but not so long that too much time has passed by for you. Good luck and I hope you get your ring!
2007-01-15 08:29:08 · answer #4 · answered by twinmom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't wait too much longer. If he really wants to marry you, he has had almost 3 years to do so. If you are living with him, that is probably one of the reasons why he doesn't ask (call me old fashioned) Why pay for the cow when you can get the milk for free. You are 30, if you want kids, you better either find someone else who is ready for marriage or just give him an alternative
2007-01-15 08:27:10 · answer #5 · answered by zoe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
6 months dating + 6 months steady + 1 year maximum engagement = 6 months you have overspent already. As a guy I want to say that men are out for that one thing and if the milk is free then you no longer have a position to stand on. So you either wait till he finds someone else or you hound him till he leaves, or you have no options but to wait till he is really unable to get anyone else and then let him settle for you. Sorry to be negative but you are past the point where a one caret or larger is the only way he can now prove to another guy he actually feels anything (much less love) for you. After 2 1/2 years I would tell him to put up or shut up and get to the curb and be ready to mean it. If he falters at all (one itsy bitty minute bit) then he does not love you enough anyway.
2007-01-15 08:32:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is he NOT marrying you? That's the question. How long you wait is a personal matter. My friend just got engaged after 5 years, me, I wouldn't wait/waste more than 2 years. That's long enough to know how you get along, what you have in common, personality and character traits, life goals, financial ir/responsibility, job stability, extended family.
2007-01-15 08:26:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He will never marry you at this point. He does love you, but because you are nicely protecting him from reality by not letting him have to grow up. You are staying because you are the same, afraid to grow up. I have news for you, the longer you both put growing up off, the harder it will be.
You need to move out and get your own life, period. You can continue the way it is, but this guy has told you over and over year after year what he wants and he is getting it - he has not reason to change, but he does have a reason to resent you for giving and then taking it back. Sorry this is the wrong guy and you have screwed up and do not want to admit it to yourself.
I don't know how to say that nicely or I would. You have a hard time ahead of you I think.
2007-01-15 10:11:41 · answer #8 · answered by themountainviewguy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems like a lot of women are putting their input into this... including myself. My man and I have spoken about marriage but a few months ago I would have settled for just living with the special someone, I just see marriage as having a licence to wear a ring, the wedding I think is the big part - maybe he sees the engagement as the beginning of all the wedding preparations and thats whats bugging him. My man and I are agreeing on a small wedding... which will only happen in about 4 years, which we have agreed upon. Note that Im not even engaged yet... we are only moving in together towards the end of this year. My sister has been with her bf for 3years and we are all praying he will get over his silly insecurities and ask her already (they do both love eachother!) Well, Good Luck with yours!
2007-01-15 08:59:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should talk to him about this and tell him how you are feeling about it and let him know that you aren't going to wait forever but i think a women shouldn't wait no long than 4 years because if nothing happens within that time it most likely want happen and he is just keeping you around
2007-01-15 08:28:08 · answer #10 · answered by Selah D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and talk to him about this.
You can not sit around and wait for someone to decide they are ready to get married. This might work if you in your early 20's but the longer you wait the easier it is to just let is slip by.
Good Luck
2007-01-15 08:27:08 · answer #11 · answered by zen522 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋