is it normal to have feelings for your abuser?

Question

i been separated over a year and i can't seem to stop thinking about him is this normal i have bad dreams too

Answer 1

no its not normal to care about your abuser, its because he abused u for so long, u feel u deserved it, and didn't deserve any better. your self esteem is bruised, u don't know when u are being hurt, think it is a normal way of life, that it's a common thing, but it's not. u are accountable for your relationships, when u stop seeing yourself as the victim and as a self confident person u may get past this, its better to be alone and healthy than in an abusive relationship and be sick. u were abused so long, and put up with it so long, that it became a part of your every day life. it was familiar, and sometimes we see the familiar as comfortable. but it may be a good thing to seek therapy for what has been done to u, get your self worth back, as no one deserves to be abused, for any reason. perhaps u were abused as a child, and just seemed to connect with people who abused u, because it was all u ever knew. good luck, seek help

Answer 2

Sorry this is your situation. You CAN get over it with time...

Abused partners often feel that the abuse was somehow their fault and that they can make things better--part of the cycle of violence when it comes to people in that situation.

Tension Building

* Abuser starts to get angry
* Abuse may begin
* There is a breakdown of communication
* Victim feels the need to keep the abuser calm
* Tension becomes too much
* Victim feels like they are 'walking on egg shells'

Incident

* Any type of abuse occurs (physical/sexual/emotional)

Making-Up

* Abuser may apologize for abuse
* Abuser may promise it will never happen again
* Abuser may blame the victim for causing the abuse
* Abuser may deny abuse took place or say it was not as bad as the victim claims

Calm

* Abuser acts like the abuse never happened
* Physical abuse may not be taking place Promises made during
'making-up' may be met
*Victim may hope that the abuse is over
*Abuser may give gifts to victim

The cycle can happen hundreds of times in an abusive relationship. Each stage lasts a different amount of time in a relationship. The total cycle can take anywhere from a few hours to a year or more to complete.

It is important to remember that not all domestic violence relationships fit the cycle. Often, as time goes on, the 'making-up' and 'calm' stages disappearthis cycle repeats.

Stay away, cut your losses and move on!

Read the source web site!!

Answer 3

Emotions are complicated, so it's not abnormal you'd still have feelings for you ex, even if they were abusive. Love (or things like it) isn't a lightswitch you flick to "off". The trick is not letting the feelings influence you in making decisions that would have a detrimental effect on your life. It's a sad truth that just because you love someone, that doesn't mean you're meant to be together, or that being together is what's best for both of you.

Despite the d*ckishness of the previous comment, it's not bad advice to seek help, professional or otherwise (shrinks or friends), to help you work through it. Talk to someone you trust, as often as you feel you need to.

Answer 4

It's been six years since I completely walked away from my abusive ex and I still have nightmares about him. If you look on my profile I asked a question about it not too long ago. The feed back that I got was that I suffer from post traumatic stress syndrome.

Sadly, he wasn't my first abusive relationship (though he was my last) and with one in particular I always thought of him, years after the fact and even still had feelings of love and compassion towards him. The scars they leave are so much deeper than just the skin...they pierce your heart and leave marks on your soul and mind. I hated the abuse but loved the man and it took me a long time to get over him even though I knew it was not good for me.

I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 5

It is 100% normal. Why do you think people stay in abusive relationships for so long, or keep returning after they have peviously left the person? It isn't always out of fear. I still think you should talk to someone and be careful not to fall into his trap again, but don't feel wierd or abnormal. It is extremely common in abusive relationships.

Answer 6

It is sooo normal. Wrong and dangerous but normal. It will fade in time. Just keep yourself out of that situation, no talking, writing, accepting presents. Abusive relationships are emotional warfare. It's brain washing. join a support group. I actually went back to my ex after 2 years apart and he ended up strangling me, and I had to run for my life.

Answer 7

Honey, this is not healthy. I would suggest talking to a counselor or psychologist.... You need some professional help for your own sake so you won't get back into that sort of a relationship, not that you would, but if you are feeling this way it is definitely a possibility. Talk to someone you can trust about seeing a counselor, they could really help you out, believe me, okay? You're worth it- you deserve the best help you can get to keep yourself safe from cruel men like that.

Answer 8

It is normal, but you need to talk it through with a professional. If you continue down this line, you might end up with someone like your ex and go through this all again. Worse, you might go back. Now that your out of the situation, do something for yourself and get help so you don't walk that path again.

Answer 9

It seems to be fairly normal at least here in Texas. Everytime I have seen a guy beating up his wife in public for ex. car wash, parking lot, or outside a club and I step in and beat the guy senselss for hitting a woman, the woman is always screaming don't hurt him!!!! don't hurt him!!!! I don't understand it, but I just think that it is wrong for a guy to beat on a woman so I beat on the guy and show him how it feels.

Answer 10

This is normal. It is like "stockholm syndrome" in kidnapped victims. Your mind is trained to "see things from other perspectives" and it is "natural" to have feelings for an abuser.

If you talk to a licensed therapist they will be able to tell you more.