sister in law from hell!?

Question

Help! I have a alcoholic sister-in-law who is married with two kids. She will not work, because she doesn't know how. Her husband makes minimum wage. My husband tries to help her whenever she asks. They live in our "rental" for free. He gives her money whenever she needs it. As of late, they ran out of propane for the house. My husband put thier propane bill in our name for them to get more! He screams and curses me if I try to step, saying that they need to help themselves first. My sister in law and her husband both have DUI's and lost thier license. This is really putting a strain on my marriage, almost breaking us up because he won't put me first. His sister is more important. Am I doing something wrong? Am I truly crazy like my husband says? What do I do to save my marriage as well as getting rid of the baggage???? HELP HELP HELP

Answer 1

CALM DOWN WOMAN!!! SEND ME AN INSTANT MESSAGE ON YAHOO!!! I will talk to you! You sound so very stressed!!

#1 You are right and your husband is wrong.

#2 Your NOT crazy!

#3 Your husband needs to put you first ALWAYS! Yes family is important but he is married to you and YOU come FIRST.

#4 Your husband needs to realize that he can not do everything for his sister and her family. Its his sister FAULT and her husbands FAULT they they got DUI'S . They chose to make that decision.

#5 If your husband keeps on helping her sister and family then you might go into debt. The sister is OBVIOUSLY using your husband because she KNOW that he will help her out. Your husband sounds like he must feel entitled to help his sister out. Is she older or younger?

#6 COMMUNICATE to your husband your thoughts and feelings about this matter. COMMUNICATE to him that your marriage is strained. Tell your husband that you he needs to sit down with his sister and husband so they can see what they can do to help themselves out so they DONT HAVE TO DEPEND ON YOUR HUSBAND. Its okay to ask for help OCCASIONALLY but it sounds like they ask for help a lot.

#7 The sister can get a job at McDonalds because they are ALWAYS hiring. There is no such thing as she cant work because she CAN work. She might not like working in fast food but hey beggars cant be choosers.

#9 Do NOT EVER THINK ABOUT THE DREADED D WORD DIVORCE! I always tell married couples that divorce is always the last very last option. A lot of problems can be worked out in marriages it just takes compromising and communication.

#10 PRAY for your marriage! I wish you the best and IM me or email me if you want to talk!

Answer 2

This is a tough, tough situation. You married a very loving, caring, family oriented man. Don't let the situation break up your relationship. I know it's hard but your husband is pigheaded. Ask yourself this question, would he do the same things if we weren't together. I think you'll find the answer is he would. If you love him don't try to make him go against his very nature. If you work, get a seperate account and insure that your money is not going into the bottomless hole. It may take a while but eventually, he will get tired of bankrolling his sister. Try to be there for him when he does. In the meantime, keep a record of the expenditures he makes on their behalf sometimes seeing numbers on paper can have an affect that nothing else can. Realizing that you could have had an extra fourteen thousand a year for the last two years can have a life changing affect on even the most giving men.

Be strong, I know you know he loves you. Him wanting to keep his sister safe takes nothing away from his love for you. Don't ask him to choose between you and another family member. Love doesn't ask for choices, it just is.

Answer 3

Blood is NOT thicker than water and you need to step in! When a man and women are married they become one and from then on you put each other before your other family members. This may sound wrong to some people but i didnt make it up...Its Gods way. My marriage suffered for about a year because of my younger brother. I was trying to help him out, but he was causing problems and my husband was not happy at all! I had to choose. It was so hard and i was so confused, but i looked to the bible for answers and thats when i realized that my husband had to come first. Your husband needs to realize like i did, that i wasnt helping my brother i was only enabling him to continue on his troublesome path. Now my brother is doing 100 times better! Your husband is enabling his sister and her husband, not helping them. Youve got to put an end to it. Doing things to help them would be like taking them to AA meetings, take them to church, stop giving them money and start making them pay some sort of rent! Even if it's $100 a month! They need to be held accountable for something. SIL needs to get some kind of job. Offer to watch her kids while shes working if you can. That is positive help. Also, let them know that after 6 months the rent will go up and if they continue to drink that they will need to be cut off completely! Pray about it and talk to your husband. Do NOT let this ruin your marriage! You can get thru this girl!!!

Answer 4

It's her brother that you have to love not her. It sounds like she has some anger towards her brother but is just taking it out on you. Maybe she really liked his last girlfriend and is angry because he is with you now. As long as your fiance' is going to stand by you and not put you in situations where you have to deal with his sister you should be able to ignore her and avoid any contact. The more love a baby has the better and it's sad that she is rejecting the love you want to give this child. I hope you are able to get along with his parents and other members of his family, if not then you may have a problem too big to handle. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

I know families in the same type of situation. It is very difficult because there are kids involved. It's hard to let kids suffer because their parents are idiots.

I suggest that you sit down with your husband and approach it like this:
Honey, I love how much you care about your family. I don't want to see those poor kids go without either. Maybe we should set a budget for the amount we are willing to put toward their situation each month. What do you think would be the right amount to budget for helping them?

I am sure your husband is suffering from a lot of guilt but down deep I think it is just because he is a GOOD GUY. Show him that you appreciate his kind heart before you start suggesting ways to reign it in.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 6

Do you have sisters or brothers? If one was on a destructive path what would you do? What would you expect from your husband? He may be trying too hard to help her,but give him time to find that out for himself. If you force it, it will become about you. He will reach that point your at soon enough give him your love and understand, He is in pain over her to.

Answer 7

Blood is thicker than water. Stay out of his family affairs and try to nurture you own marriage. The baggage probably came with the marriage and you chose to marry anyway. You can not win this battle. Accept the fact that your husband will continue to care for his sister and her husband or you have no other choice but to divorce.

Answer 8

I hate to tell you this, but there isn't a thing you can do. Your husband has obviously made his choice. I think you should tell him you are leaving and then do it. Tell him once he gets his sister on the right track that if you still have feelings for him then maybe you can work it out. If not move on you deserve to be happy.

Answer 9

I think that you need to have a serious talk with your husband. Let him know that when you both decided to get married you were both starting your life's together, and that is when you separate from others. I think he should put you first before anyone else. Maybe you should think about counseling

Answer 10

Helping family is one thing, but it is getting to the point where your hubby is enabling his sister's irresponsible behavior. (actually, well past that point)

Talk to your husband seriously about this. His sis has to be given some objectives and some deadlines. Get a job by X date. Pay up on your bills by Y date. Or they have to leave.

You have to convince your hub that this is the best thing for his sister and more importanlty, for his wife (YOU!)