His mother passed away and was laid to rest thursday 3 months after his father. He had been acting strange all week, - coming out with things like, you know how much I love you, - your not getting paranoid cos I have to keep going out - Im not meeting anyone!After the funeral he had to go away on a course ( back to normal asap, so he said) I havent spoken to him since Friday at 6.00. He ignored my txts, calls and voice mails on Sat day and Nite.He has got me paranoid - I found 6 pictures messages (On his online bill) in december to a mobile. When I phoned this number a female answered, she said her phone coulndnt recieve picture msgs. I txt the same number on Sat night, to say, "you 2 must think I;m stupid, I;m switched on arent I Andy?"I didnt get a response. Was I clutching at straws? he has been in contact with his sister and brother this I know, but not me. I sent 6 txts and 9 calls sat - just txt him2 hours ago beggin him to call, Im in such a mess.
2007-01-15 07:30:40 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We usually get on really well, we are in our 40's second marriage. House in my name - the large amount of cash that he had stashed has gone. Cant get to speak to him as he wont answer his fone or reply to txt. Cant go and look for him as I am in Scotland and he is down in humberside area. I am demented and have no one I can talk or turn too, we spend most of our time together alone, apart from work.
2007-01-15 07:43:38 · update #1
something is definetely wrong. i don't really understand where he went or why you haven't seen him for so long, but i think you have every reason to think something odd is going on.
don't try to contact that female anymore. just leave that part alone. actually you should probably stop trying to send texts and messages to him too.... it seems that he should be well aware that you are trying to get a response from him, and i am guessing that he is purposely not contacting you. i wish that i could be of more help, but i really think you should sit back and wait and focus on yourself.
see if his brother and sister know anything. maybe try to call his best friend, but don't be aggressive.... he has been through a lot and may just need time to adjust to not having his parents. not that i am condoning his behavior towards you at all... i definetely think you deserve more from your own husband.
good luck
♥
2007-01-15 07:38:42 · answer #1 · answered by don't be rude. 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Ok take a deep breath, slow down. He has lost his mum, you say that you are confused, i expect he is feeling some what strange too, the last thing he needs now is a up tight woman texting him.LEAVE him ,i mean give him a break, so he has been texting some one, does it have to mean that some thing is "going" on, and if it is,i expect it has been going on for a while, you chaseing him and twxting him won't make it any better.Send him ONE more text, pull on it that you care about him, and are worried for his safely, that you will not text him anymore, but you would like for him just to let you know that he is ok,that after that text you will not contact him again but if he doesn't make contact say every third day, you will report him missing to the police because you think he may harm his self.This should get a reaction from him in one way or another..I really feel for you, but he may only be very up set, and need to "get a way" and be to sad to fight you, to clear his name, when you think something is going on.
2007-01-15 08:07:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you are right, but there are other factors in your husbands life that are extraordinary, and need to be considered.
I work with grief and there is a tendancy for men and women to deal with the death of loved ones differently.
A reasonable length of time for grieving is about 12mths but may run a lot longer.
During that time those who are close to a grieving individual may well notice a withdrawal, or aloofness which can easily be misinterpreted. It is usually that the person is processing an entire lifetime and coming to terms with their loss.
No matter how prepared one is for death, its advent holds a lifetime of long forgotten memories that trigger a million feelings.
The mind is extremely complicated and most men have a great difficulty in recognising the process, they know something is wrong but not what.
Time is the only medicine.
Put your fears aside and see what happens as your husband moves through this chapter. He may be headed for a breakdown.
He may not want you to see his method of grieving. Men are more likely to weep or grieve where their spouses and children cant see them.
Trust the process and heed your husbands words of love to you even though they confuse you...it may be his way of trying to let you know that he is confused and doesnt know what or why.
2007-01-15 07:56:00 · answer #3 · answered by tillermantony 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Personally I have been in a similar situation where I found the same patterns in my fiance - the same thing on phone bills,constantly ringing several numbers,picture messages being sent etc. So when I approached him about it obviously he lied saying that his friends use his mobile as well, I work in mobile networking and took advantage of my position and checked out the name and address of this one particular number which he kept calling up and a girl answered.I found her number was registered to him, so I made him phone up orange,we put the phone on loudspeaker and I gave him the number and I told him that give your own details to get past the security stage which he did do, at this stage he was shocked that I tracked down everything which made him confess that he was up to no good. I wouldn't abuse my position usually but I was put in such a spot that everything was eating me up if I didnt do my own detective work. All I can advise is that I know it is hard to break away from someone you love, but time is a great heeler of wounds, if you don't wish to take that route then wait for him to contact you and ask him outright, he may try his best to wriggle out of it but make sure you don't give up that easily as you will still carry doubts forward with you if you absorb what he says to you at first hand. I can understanding he is grieving but thats no way to behaviour
2007-01-15 10:45:57 · answer #4 · answered by sandra m 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He just lost both his parents. Unless you've been there, you don't even know.
I'd be really suprised if he was up to something on the side directly following.
Let up on him for now; he probably knows your in a right state and just can't deal with it right now.
Leave him a kinder "Sorry&hope your OK" sort of text and let him alone. He'll call soonishly.
He's probably in contact with his sibs because they have the experience of losing Dad in common. Maybe he's a mess himself and doesn't want you to see him like this.
When my parents died, I thought I was fine too. Aside from the pointless weeping on a regular basis.
2007-01-15 11:58:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um, I don't know.
This is real hard. I don't know you guys, but he has lost both his parents in 3 months? Jeez....I can understand that this would be hurting him badly.
I don't know what else you can do but wait for him to come home and find out what he's been up to. Maybe he's just grieving alone? I would hate to see a good marriage ruined over something like this. If he is up to no good you will find out eventually. Take it easy here. You are on a knife edge.
2007-01-15 07:36:16 · answer #6 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It does sound odd that he would contact his sis and bro but not you. Do you fall out a lot? or do you generally get on well? His head will be messed up at the moment but even so he should turn to you for comfort IMO.
2007-01-15 07:36:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is doing something behind your back and it is very immature of him to not call you back or respond to you in any way. When he gets back ambush him with questions and tell him that maybe he's beening having a hard time in life right now but he can't run away from you the one he should be running to. You two are married that means he has an obligation to you, he's acting like a child and my advice is to not feel sorry for him like he expects you to, be strong and get what you want.
2007-01-15 07:41:26 · answer #8 · answered by nitespector 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
He needs you to be strong not accusing him of cheating!
No wonder he's a mess - parents deceased. He may need to get some medication/bereavement counselling for depression for a while.
Please stand by him. Leave him alone if that is what he wants - most of all listen to him when and if he wants to speak.
2007-01-15 07:37:56 · answer #9 · answered by Isabelle 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
you have to remember that he has just lost both of his parents in the last 3 mths... this can't be easy for either of you. put yourself in his shoes and remember that grief effects people in different ways..
you say he has gone on a course..was that with work and if so they would have the details of what hotel he is in..so try him at his room or drive up and go visit him...his work is the answer to this question... he may be telling the truth so ...its up to you
2007-01-15 07:49:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋