I am 20 and my boyfriend is 22. We have been together for 1 year now and everything is well between us. However, his mother still does not know about us, or at least I think she doesn't.
He told me is afraid to tell his mother, because he knows what her reaction will be, but surely she has to know sooner or later?
The reason we both suspect she knows is because, she has happened to see me calling him "darling" or "baby" on MSN and she asked why he calls him this. He just told her it was a joke.. somehow I don't think she is stupid, but maybe she is just refusing to admit it?
I mean I am not pressuring him to tell his mother, although I have confronted him with the issue. Do you think she should know that he is gay? It was only halfway though our relationship, he would admit he was gay, instead of claiming to be bisexual.. So would this be a next step ... to tell her?
Advice greatly appreciated.
2007-01-15 07:15:34 · 15 answers · asked by evnissyen 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Yes best to tell her now,he will tell her eventually so sooner rather than later i say.
Goodluck 2 you both
2007-01-15 07:22:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Has he thought about writing a letter instead; a letter which includes an invitation to telephone him?
The letter will be much easier for him to write, and his coming-out won't be interrupted by anything when she reads it. The invitation to telephone will mean that she has time to digest it and then she can go at her own pace to talk about it.
Have you come out to your parents? How did you do it? Can he learn from you?
I heard of someone who said over dinner: "Mum, Dad, I've got Cancer...Not really, I'm just gay." It broke the ice at least.
I don't know if she'd know. She may have an inkling if she's asked about the MSN stuff. But she won't know fo sure until he tells her, either in person or paper.
Could always send a telegram using www.telegramsonline.co.uk because it's next day delivery in the UK so he wouldn't have an agonising wait, like he would with a letter.
Keep assuring him that whatever her reaction is, you will be there for him.
Good Luck.
2007-01-15 07:25:33 · answer #2 · answered by Neil_R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The most important thing is that if he doesn tell her and she says she doesnt want to know him any more that he doenst accept that answer - not in a confrontational way - just that he refuses to be disowned. That was my mothers reaction but I perservered for 2 years and she finally accepted me for who I am. She even came and did a talk at a womens group i ran in Derby. Shes awesome and my best friend now but I lost her for 2 years but there was no way i was letting her get out of my life that easily...so if he does tell her and she reacts badly my mum says dont give up on the relationship but be prepared to be hurt! Dont ever put your parents on a pedestal - all they are are someone elses children!!
2007-01-19 04:16:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is going to tell her sooner or later, but let him tell her when he feels ready. He should not be afraid because that is his mother and although she might kick off when he tells her eventually she will accept the situation. My son who is 19 is gay and told me only a few months ago, I was a bit shocked when he told me but no matter what he is my son and if he is happy so am I. I gave him all my confidence and nothing no matter what is going to change between both of us. My love for my son is unconditional. Good Luck for both of you and God Bless
2007-01-15 09:49:38 · answer #4 · answered by superstar68 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Reflecting on what you have written, I would just like to ask, " what's with this everything must be done yesterday?" You are both relatively young, is there some impending reason that your partner's mother must know right this minute? I rather suspect that she probably has known for some time and is trying in her own way to let you know that she knows!
2007-01-15 09:31:42 · answer #5 · answered by Raymo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He ought to tell her, it's not something he's going to be able to hide for ever. And even if she's not supportive at first, it's very likely that once she's had time to accept it and understand it, she'll be supportive. Aside from anything else, mothers have a sort of instinct about that sort of thing anyway. When I finally came out to my mum (which wasn't until I was 28), she told me that she'd known already, for years. Good luck to you both. :)
2007-01-16 03:41:01 · answer #6 · answered by pferde 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmmm .... this is tough. You both are adults. From the way you talk he is still living at home. I'm thinking she already knows ... my mom knew before I did !!!! Does he feel threatened by her that he can't say anything? You can't make him come clean to his mom, but you can support him in any decision he makes. If things are still going strong with you guys the way things are, then just let it be for now. Once he is able to support himself should he then tell his mom. I'm all for patience, but he shouldn't hide in the closet forever ... get's kinda stuffy. Good luck to you both !!! I'm sure he'll make the right decision.
2007-01-15 07:34:35 · answer #7 · answered by spartexcites 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
IF he's no longer financially dependand on her, it really does have to happen eventually. If there's no good reason to tell her later instead of now, then he should tell her now. If he is still living with her etc., things get dicey. It's hard for you to try to pressure him into something that might have far-reaching repercussions, but it's also a really crappy position to be in when you're the unknown boyfriend. :-/ Sorry, that's kinda all I've got.
2007-01-15 07:29:48 · answer #8 · answered by Atropis 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't let others answers to these sorts of questions influence your life. You and your boyfriend will take care of this issue either right away or wait until he's ready. I do believe his mother should know, but when, is completely up to you and your boyfriend.
2007-01-15 08:11:14 · answer #9 · answered by boondock_saint.music_lover 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well it's been my experience not to force the issue. I'm sure he'll tell her when he feels the time is right.
2007-01-16 21:55:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋