Selfish Person, I am sick of it!!?

Question

I live with my cousin overseas, he is younger than me and I fell sometimes as being older, and living far from home I should protect him.

But tha fact is that he just don't recognize this.

Once I lended him a considerable amount of money, he promised to pay back but, almost one year later he did not make any effort to pay me back.

He is very, very selfish.

I never met one person so selfish like him, and it breaks my heart because I did so many good things for him, and he just don't recognize.


He is selfish in little and important things as well.

He also never say thank you! I am so sick of it but I don't know what to do.

Should I just break our relationship? Or shoud I being a selfish person with him as well??

Answer 1

Sounds like his parents didn't raise him with manners. If he's the youngest, it's easy for him to be a spoiled brat. It's an injustice to him because he will never understand why relationships aren't working well. If he doesn't know the error of his ways, he will never grow up to be a true man and will have problems in life.

Get your money back from his parents. You are entitled to that money and they need to see how black his heart is. If he gets mad at you, ask him how else would you get your money back? Tell him that he's not man enough to do what's right and so you have to take care of business. What's yours is yours.

Don't be like him! Protect what's yours but you don't need to be selfish like him. At least you have an insight on how to treat people right. You're a good cousin. But never lend him money again. You'll always have better relationships then he does.

He may just have a personality disorder. Does he have these symptoms? Easily distracted. High view of himself. Morbid sense of entitlement. Lying constantly to get what he wants. Lack of empathy for others. Parasitic behaviors...Do any of these things ring a bell? If so, feel sorry for him. He'll never understand his own mental disabilities.

If he does continue to be parasitic and expects you to give him money or favors whenever he demands; He is no longer to be trusted! He doesn't respect you and only cares about himself and what he can get from you (hence the parasitic behavior). If he doesn't reciprocate in the relationship then keep your distance. Don't cut ties, it would be weird at family gatherings. Just try to avoid him whenever possible. And when you do see him, be cordial with him but don't do anything for him. Just tell him your mad busy. You don't want to be around dead beats.

You have to protect yourself and yet stay a diplomatic for family's sake.

Hope this helps.

Answer 2

I would definately break the relationship. But I wouldn't stoop to his level to do it. Sit down with him and explain how his actions affect you and that you havn't been very happy with him lately. don't do it in an accusatory way, just tell him when he says he will do something and doesn't, it hurts you and you can no longer go on living this way. Explain to him that you have a life to live also and when he expects certain things or help from you, it takes from your life and you no longer have the time available to take from your life. Never ever loan money to family or anyone for that matter. It is the fastest way to ruin a relationship. Never ever co-sign for a loan or any contract for a family member or friend.

While having this talk won't change your cousin, it will in effect let you off the hook for having to do anything more for this person. If he continues to ask you for help or to do things for him, gently remind him of your conversation and tell him once again "no'. Do not give reasons, don't explain your actions, just say "no". When you try to explain your reasons for saying "no", it opens up the conversation for bartering and arguing on his part. Just say "no". He can't argue with that!

Don't apologize for not being willing or able to help him. That puts you in the light that you are the bad one for not helping him. When that is not the case at all. If he is an adult, he is responsible for his actions, his needs and his wants. He is responsible for his everyday neccessities, he is responsible to pay his own way thru life. Not you.

Good luck and I hope everything works out ok.

Answer 3

99% of the people around would recommend you to stop lending him more money & stop helping him anyway. What I say is "there is a third person to help you out". If you can save a good amount, you can lend it to him if he demands & if his demands are for real & he doesn't makes it a habbit.

Don't expect anything for what you have done any good thing. Give him plenty of space & dont let him complain because he is younger. If you dont help someone, how can you expect the help from someone? Atlast he is your little brother who is not wise enough to understand these things; but time will eventually teach him this. And you as a girl, have a lot more responsibilites on your shoulders, thats why you care & thats why women are great.

Last thing, dont overwhelm him with any lectures; it will reduce the value of your deeds & he will get more stubborn.

Answer 4

Allowing God to solve the problem is different from what you are doing now. Selfishness itself is the problem in your life. You are repeatedly escaping the situation and that is the reason for recurrence of similar incidents in the family. When your help can solve the problem, do it because it is your duty. You have a clearer mind and that is the reason you doubt about your own selfish natures. And it is because of that quality, God doesn't punish you. If little efforts or some money can help others to ease their problem, it is the opportunity for you to do it. It will bring peace of mind in your life. As you clear your life through many incidents like this, the number of errors will get reduced and gradually you will learn to live in a more correct path. May God bless you.

Answer 5

Ah grasshopper do not loan the young one any more money period. Lending money between family, friends, neighbors is just a bad idea. Grasshopper take him into the next room and remind him of the loan in a nice way. he may of just forgot and give him time to pay. If he does not pay and has the way to pay you, maybe it's time for him to find somewhere else to live. but hug him and let him know you still love him as a family member. You never know e may become rich and want to pay you with interest.

Answer 6

You should move out and let little MR selfish live on his own for awhile and see how things are in the real world. You also need to set boundaries such as not loaning him money or any other type of enabling behavior.

Answer 7

Stop helping him. Take care of yourself. If you can afford to live by yourself I would. You can't break the relationship he is your family. A little space can't hurt. In time when he matures the gratitude will develope. Remove yourself from the distressing situation.

Answer 8

Don't stoop to his level. It will only cause more problems and will not teach your cousin a thing. Move out. Learn your lessons. Don't loan him money. Don't do him favors unless you can do them with the knowledge that you probably wont be praised for it.

Answer 9

absolutely don't stoop to his level. you seem to have a big heart and a good head on your shoulders. try not to stress about this as there isn't anything you can do to control him.

decide if having him in your life is good for you. if not, then maybe you should try not to be so involved with him. cut your losses and don't try to give him anymore.

Answer 10

I would let him know how you feel. Perhaps you can make him a better person by just letting him know how rude he is....in a nice way of course.
AND I would definitely NOT lend him anything.