I have been married for the last 4 years. He doesn't work, gets disability for various mental disorders & spends MY money as if it was water. I am scared to tell him I want him to leave because he also was in jail & is a member of the Aryan Brotherhood (white supremecist group). The last part of all of this is that I am gay. I have always known I was gay since my early teens. The only reason I ever got married was because I was trying to appear "normal" to my family. I am so lonely. I want to start dating women. I'm not sure how to get out of this. I'm 38 years old & female. Ideas?
2007-01-15 06:43:59 · 15 answers · asked by itsjustchris1968 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can't talk to someone from the Aryan Brotherhood rationally about ANYTHING, let alone being a lesbian.
Honey, pack your stuff, get your money together, and run....run away and don't look back.
2007-01-15 06:48:14 · answer #1 · answered by AmyB 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Normally, I am strongly opposed to divorce -- you can read through my other answers if you don't believe me. In your case, however, I will make an exception. First off, open a new bank account, and transfer all your money into it. Second, find a battered women's shelter -- they'll be able to provide you information about planning a safe getaway. Third, go. Go without warning. Leave him a written message if you want, but do not tell him in advance that you're leaving. Your safety must come first. Once you're safely gone, get a divorce, come out to your family, and start easing into relationships in which you can be true to yourself. This will only hurt for awhile, and following these steps will lead to a much more fulfilling life in the not-so-distant future.
2007-01-15 14:53:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are two parts to this.. one a very disfunctional marriage, and two the realization you are gay.
On the first part:
I think you need to keep back some of your money... say its for paying a bill you owe... and get some assistance in getting the hell out of a marriage you never really wanted in the first place.
Counseling! If you are afraid of retaliation from your husband can you move away from the area? Get yourself out of this horrible situation.
On the second situation..
If you are gay.. then you are gay... there isn't a problem with being gay .. its the fact you are in a relationship that is NOT allowing you to have any self respect or individuality. You are being used.
Fix the first part... the second part will come by itself (as for the dating)
Best of Luck!
2007-01-15 14:53:01 · answer #3 · answered by thebe_gl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok - first of all, I don't think you should try talking to him about wanting out. You just need to make up your mind, and do it. Make plans for your future so you have a safe place to go, and leave him - ASAP!! Whatever you do, DO NOT let him know you are gay. You have hidden it this long, keep hiding it until you are away from him. He sounds extremely unstable - the less reason you give him to fall off the edge the better!!
I pray that there are not children involved in this mess, but if so - protect them! You really should leave him as soon as you can! Best of luck to you!
2007-01-15 15:00:34 · answer #4 · answered by Kailey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you fear him, then save up a little money where he doesn't know it exists and leave one day to get something without returning.
You can send the police to collect the rest of your items in the home.
As far as the gay thing goes, please search your heart and see if that isn't just an avenue where you think you'll find everyhting you want. If you had a rough life with men, then it could be that your attraction to women was caused by that. You know women are more soft and exhibit feelings of love easier type thing.
Good luck and stay safe.
2007-01-15 14:49:53 · answer #5 · answered by mycountryfamily 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to go see a good therapist.
First of all go get a divorce. If your gay you should never have gotten married (to a male at least) to begin with. If your incapable of loving a man why would you marry one. This is showing some serious emotional problems on your part that you need to get help for.
Second, go date women if that is what is going to make you happy.
Whatever you do be upfront and honest this time and stop trying to make everyone else happy. Making everyone else happy is how you got yourself into this mess so knock it off and be YOU.
2007-01-15 14:50:23 · answer #6 · answered by bbopper 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what u can do is get out the marriage try being single for a while concentrate on the kids then explore ur sexuality. Hopefully you will meet a nice lady and live happily ever after.
2007-01-15 14:51:59 · answer #7 · answered by miss_blueuk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make a clean break. Also, do not feel you have to "tell him to his face". That is just dumb. Especially with someone that has known emotional issues. Leave sometime he is not there and do not leave a forwarding address. Get away and start over.
2007-01-15 14:53:57 · answer #8 · answered by mccmb02 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
um..out of all the people to marry just to appear normal to your family, you picked this guy? This sounds like a difficult situation to be in. Start making girlfriends-maybe he'll cheat on you with one of them and you can have a good excuse to leave....
2007-01-15 14:48:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You just need to pack your stuff and leave them have him served with divorce papers over irreconsilable differences. You should not tell him your gay.
2007-01-15 14:52:23 · answer #10 · answered by The OTHER Boelyn Chic 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋