I have a friend at work who happens to be female and I think that she may have developed some feelings for me that I am not able to return. I enjoy being her friend and going places and doing things with her but, as long as it stays strictly platonic. Please give serious advice only.
2007-01-15 06:25:59 · 15 answers · asked by kbrearley2001 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Personally I advise against it. If you're not openly gay don't poke your foot out of the closet to come out to a co-worker. Don't make the same mistake as I did. Let me explain. Some years ago I made friends with a female co-worker. We hit it off fast then began to socialize together. We soon became best friends and were inseperable on the job. After some time I felt comfortable enough with this lady and told her I'm gay. I told her I wasn't out and hadn't told anyone but her I'm gay. Not even my own family knew at that time. I told her to keep this info confidential and not tell a soul. Of course she agreed and was supportive of me. My revelation to her fortified our friendship...........for a while. There came a time when we had a falling out on the job over some paperwork. This conflict escalated and caused our friendship to fizzle and soon it died. Not only did our friendship end it turned to loathing and malice (on her part not mine). Before I knew what hit me my former friend had spread the word I'm gay and told our co-workers personal and private things about me which earlier on I had confided to her about. My life was miserable after that. These attacks went on for a few years until the woman quit the job to move out of state when her husband was transferred by the company he worked for.
The point I'm trying to make to you by telling my story is be very careful who you open yourself up to. You want to tell your female co-worker you're gay simply to prevent her from making advances toward you. Not a good idea for such a trivial reason. You're not really sure she has a romantic interest in you anyway. If the time comes that she does cross this line just rebuff her advances and leave it at that. If you keep your business relationship friendly but not intimate you'll never have to worry about negative reprocussions. Good luck.
2007-01-22 17:36:18 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you honestly think she is developing more than friendly feelings for you and you know you would be unable to return those feelings AND you consider her a friend, then yes. In fact, you have nothing to hide. I'm not one to be out and proud, but I don't hide it either. There are people at work who know my sexuality, who I consider friends, and many who don't know who I could care less about. I personally think women are much better at, if not understanding homosexuality, then at least coming to terms with it. My recommendation is go for it!
2007-01-15 06:36:42 · answer #2 · answered by Rachelle 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is this friend someone you can trust with your secret? If she starts hitting on you (intentionally caressing your hands etc.), and if you feel she is someone who is completely trustworthy, then you should tell her. Maybe you could drop a hint or two before deciding to do so; ask her to tell you her view about gay people. Don't ask her about it out of nowhere; try to weave the question into your conversations with her. But don't ever mislead her to think you are interested. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you only the best and good luck.
2007-01-15 06:40:51 · answer #3 · answered by xander 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I had a straight female friend who I loved to death (I'm gay), but I wasn't interested in a relationship with her. I can see how it might have LOOKED like I was interested though. I'd have been mortified if she felt the need to establish that she wasn't interested in me as anything other than friends.
I'd say don't do anything about it until she CLEARLY wants more than friendship. You'll hurt her feelings and make her withdraw from you otherwise...
2007-01-21 23:12:04 · answer #4 · answered by Angelpaws 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're going out on social calls outside of work, I think it's probably only fair to tell her. Or, at least, clarify what type of relationship you are and are not ready for with her if you're afraid of being outted at work. If you've been hanging out awhile as friend, you might have some idea by now of how she'd react, so you should probably base your decision on that.
2007-01-15 07:32:19 · answer #5 · answered by Atropis 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
For the time being don't disturb your friendship. What if she doesn't feel about you the way you think she does. Just go about your business and if she makes a move then very politely tell her that you just want to remain friends.
2007-01-15 06:43:31 · answer #6 · answered by Mr. Sir 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Start talking about a relationship you are in or would like to be in. It will open up the lines of communication as well as make it clear who you are interested in a way that won't hurt her feelings.
2007-01-20 13:16:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mmmh.. one of my friends fell in love with one of her friends, who turned out to be gay. At first my friend felt really bad, because she really liked him, but then, since she cared so much for him she accepted the situation and they are friends to this day.
I think that you should not allow her feelings to grow, if you really care for her I think it's best to tell her.
2007-01-21 14:03:36 · answer #8 · answered by _Bizi Poz_ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOL i did not be responsive to "hi happy New year" exchange right into a loaded element to assert? in certainty its an automated element to assert while one gets returned into the place of work. possibly the holiday made her gentle of spirit & she desperate to purely greet you yet one rather cant study greater into that
2016-10-20 05:58:22 · answer #9 · answered by mulry 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your comfortable coming out then yes. You should be honest, Im sure if shes a true friend then she will understand.
2007-01-22 09:52:52 · answer #10 · answered by alex77055 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋