what should i do?

Question

my kids father will not accept that the relationship is going to end he cheated and fathered a child with this women, but he won't let the thought of us go, i do love him and it's been a year since this all happened ,he of course is sorry and as started attending church and trying do things to make me see that he has changed i hung on for a little while but the trust was broken, i do love him and we have two children together the youngest just 1 years old, but i don't know what to do, im stuck.i don't really have a support system and it's almost like i'll have to deal with him in order to survive out there, im almost thinking of just using his a@$ just to get to where i need to be finacially, so that i can take care of us (ex:finish my school) i sometimes think it could work but i don't know?

by the way he cheated while i was pregnant and the girl got pregnant 4mos after me, and we wanted to get pregnant we had lost two before the last child

Answer 1

He must have some good points - since you say u love him. Plus he's your baby's daddy. Life is all about changes. But relationships are about committment. You have to decide if you WANT things to work. and stick to it, no matter what. I understand the trust issue is hard to get over...but the only way is to draw a line in the sand, and say..ok here's where we start over.....from this point we will decide to START trusting each other again...but if either of you crosses that line again, then you agree the relationship will be over.

Answer 2

OK, it's been established that you still love him and two wrongs don't make it right. If you truly do love him then make it work. Everyone makes mistakes and some mistakes are worse than others. He has the responsibility to you and your children and he knows it and he is showing an effort to change things around. You may not be able to shake that knowledge but you can suppress it. People who make mistakes and are generally a good person will not do it again.

Trust him the first time and if he shows that he's slipping back into that way again, then it's time to get on with your life and someone else. Trust is the basis for any relationship and you maintain trust by talking to each other.

Do what you feel is right but I vote for giving him another chance.

Good luck and be happy.

Answer 3

He made a mistake and will have to pay for it, but that doesn't mean you should use him for $$$ in order to get ahead. Either forgive him and move on, forgive him and stay, or hold this against him and move on. The first two are real options, the last one will only make you miserable.

If you forgive him and stay, than you need to build a stronger relationship. Go to couples counseling and get to the root cause as to why he strayed. Perhaps he wasn't getting something he needed from you, be it physical or emotional. I'm not saying what he did was right, but there has to be a reason as to why he cheated.

The bottom line is that you have two children with this man and you will be tied to him because of those children.

Answer 4

wow, what can i say u have been through the mill, and I'm so sorry for all the pain u have had, but there are so many things u can do to get on with your life with out your husband, once the trust has gone it's gone I've always believed that. u have to think what is best for u, the kids will cope no matter what happens, living in a unhappy marriage is not good for the kids they can pick up on this. but u an only u know what u have to do. but either way do what u have to do to make yourself happy and the rest will follow, good luck in every thing u do (if it was me i would get rid of him and start afresh and be true to yourself and your kids)

Answer 5

NEVER do anything without a plan. Perhaps while you'r working on your plan, something will convince you what decision will be best for you and your children. OR you'll get to a point of being able to carry out your plan. In either case, you'll be doing something to improve your life, and NOT dwelling on the past. When it comes to making a decision, life has a way of helping us along. Problem is, folks dont always realize that, even when it smacks 'em in the face. Best Wishes...I'm confident you'll be fine. Life will begin to fall into place for you and your babies.

Answer 6

Well you said that you loved him twice so why don't you try counseling? He obviously loves you enough to try to keep his family together. He is going to church, maybe you both need to talk to your pasture. As for the other woman having a child with him, you need to get a paternity test to make sure it is indeed his. Don't jump to conclusions until you are for sure its his. If it is his you will be paying child support for that child for the next 18 years. Good luck to you..

Answer 7

First of all I would like to say that I'm so sorry you are going through this. Been there done that. Minus the ho getting pregnant. Anyway, use him. You have to think of yourself and your kids. I definitely would not be having sex with him and use the excuse that you just cant right now because of what he has done. This is one of those situations where it is survival of the fittest. Take care.

Answer 8

If you're going to be unhappy, it isn't worth it. If you set your mind to it you can make it without him. However, If you believe that he is sincerely changed and you are comfortable, then you can try to make it work with him. But it doesn't sound like your comfortable.

Answer 9

Try counseling before you do anything. He is trying to show you that he is changing. You owe it to yourself and your children to try harder before you make a final decision. Don't use him, that is tacty and not nice. Be honest with him and yourself at all times.

Answer 10

EVERYBODY MAKES MISTAKES BUT THIS MISTAKE WILL LIVE W/ YOU & YOUR CHILDREN FOREVER. HE DOES HAVE A NEW RESPONSIBILITY NOW , CAN YOU DEAL WITH OUTCOME EACH DAY.YOU SHOULD HAVE YOUR OWN ANSWER.