I am very frustrated. My boyfriend and I worked on a house for 2 years?

Question

and finally moved in together. He has a 20 yr old son livin w us and i have a 19 yr old son livin w us. My son goes to jr college full time , works at jjc part time. My fiancees son sleeps till 1 or 1.30 pm and doesn,t lift a hand to do ANYTHING. I get so annoyed, all he does is sit with channel switcher.What do I do? He finally just got a 4 hr job. about 19 hrs a week. His dad says he'll do things when hes ready... I am a very active person!!! What do I do?

Answer 1

I agree with what some of the other posters have said about charging rent or making the young men take responsibility for contributing. The pitfall I think you may find is where your hubby's allegiance lies. Underneath it all, if he is more committed to being a friend to his son and winning the "most popular parent' war, he is not going to come down on his son and risk the son getting pissed off at him. Hubby needs to have his first allegiance to creating a united front with you in how your home is run.

Answer 2

Well, the most important thing a parent can do for a child is teach them self-dependence. It doesn't matter what sort of lifestyle a young adult lives as long as they figure out how to support it themselves.

I think that definitely any kid out of high school, even if going to college, should pay rent when staying at home. It is still a sweet deal (relative to living fully on one's own). So give them warning that in six months there will be rent.

In the long run though, most families have at least one kid that seems to sort of wander directionless for some time. One out of two isn't that bad.

Lastly, since you're sort of the "new mom" and he's pretty old, I think it is mostly between his dad and him. You'll just get into a bad relationship if you try to be too influential.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Tell your fiance that his son needs to start doing some chores around the house to help out or get a job. that your not taking on any free loaders. If he wants to be treated like a kid then treat him as one. Start giving him some rules, a curfew, no friends over without permission. When he starts complaining he is an aduIt then tell him to act like one and get a job. Its time he learned some responsibilities. Once he starts working at home for what he thinks is FREE, he will want to get a job where he gets paid to work. Put your foot down, and tell them both this is how its going to be, if you give in things will never change.

Answer 4

Why don't you try treating both of your sons like adults and since they are both living at home after the age of 18, have them both pay rent. A small sum like $200 a month and have them buy and cook their own groceries and contribute to the bills. Something very small like $15 toward cable or they don't get to watch TV, $10 toward the power bill and $10 toward the water bill,etc.

Responsibility is something that has to be taught and apparently your stepson has not been taught responsibility. Also, making it that easy for him to just sit around and watch TV means has no motivation to do anything else which is why making him pay will make things a little less cushy for him and will get him off of his rear end

Answer 5

Like father like son. I'd dump them both, get yourself a real shark for an attorney and clean your (by now) ex out as completely as you can. Failing that, here in Florida, somewhere in the range of $400.00 to $500.00 is reasonable monthly room rent, add (my opinion) $10.00 for each meal the roomer would eat, and there you have a reasonable rate for room and board. Be firm - the home is half yours. Half his too, but that does not alter the fact that it is half yours.

Answer 6

Try having a family discussion. That way it won't seem that you are coming down on him. Ensure that you get your point across clearly and concisely. Designate certain chores to each member of the household. Let them know that you guys are all a team & if one member slacks off, then the whole team will have to deal with any consequences that may occur. Praise him when he does something satisfactory but don't give the impression that you are begging him to do it, he must learn to be responsible.

Answer 7

why not try to convince him to start on his education and go to community college part-time for a few classes- the new semester probably just started and he could still get in and take some general classes or maybe look at some technical classes that will land him a job like intro to computer systems, auto mechanics, computer aided drafting, culinary school etc.

the reason he is doing nothing is because he gets away with it...talk to your bf and try to get him to understand that his son needs to grow up a little and look for the future because he will probably have to provide for your bf when he gets old and stuff.

Answer 8

Ask him if he would rather do some work around the house to pay rent or would $------ be better. This will either get you some help with chores around the house or he will have to get a job that can pay what you want.