When I was approx 15, I was "involved" with a neighbor's husband who was 22. I was a kid and he manipulated me. We did not sleep together, although he wanted to. I refused. I was friends with his wife who was a very naive 21 at the time. Eventually I broke down and told her what was happening with her husband and I. She did not believe me and our friendship ended on a sour note. Now I am 39, happily married with 2 kids, and I have found out she works at the same company as I do. I do not think she knows who I am, but I have seen her in the hallway several times and it is awkward for me. I would like to say "I'm sorry" to her. Should I?
2007-01-15 04:53:49 · 16 answers · asked by Me 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tempting as it sounds....don't do it!
That is your past. Not hers. You don't know who else he cheated with. You know nothing.
Do not open the can of worms!
(I warn you, I warn you!)
2007-01-15 05:01:06 · answer #1 · answered by kishoti 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ahh, it's so messy to get caught in between a couple. They both are usually more willing to end a friendship than to believe anything that threatens their relationship.
I think that by now, she's probably realized that he's a cheating scumbag. I doubt he could successfully hide it from her, living with her for this long. Are they even still together? Do you know?
So, good chance that time has made her realize that you are right. Even so, don't expect her to reach out to you. Too much shame and embarrassment for her - admitting a failed marriage or that she had been wrong about you.
So however you proceed from here, keep that in mind. I would probably just, be friendly. Smile, say "Hi Soandso!" and keep walking. Show that you harbor no bad feelings by your demeanor.
If you really want to apologize to break the ice, as a gesture of goodwill, just don't apologize for anything untrue. The only apology I can think of, would maybe be something like apologizing for involving yourself in her personal life when it really wasn't any of your business. (it was, her husband had MADE it your business, but, you could apologize for talking to her about it). Or just letting her know that you don't want any bad feelings between the two of you because of something from so long ago.
2007-01-15 13:54:25 · answer #2 · answered by Janelle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. For one you do not owe her anything. You tried to make things right when you were 15. She chose not to believe you or help you. Also, we never want to believe the worst of our significant other. I know you feel awkward, but the best way to handle it is to pretend like you don't remember her either. If you have to work with her on anything then just pretend like your meeting for the first time. If she wants to cross that bridge at some point then and only then should you discuss it with her. It sounds like you are feeling guilty for something you shouldn't feel guilty about. Good luck and take care. Put a smile on your face and chin up.
2007-01-15 15:53:15 · answer #3 · answered by mccmb02 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't deal with it unless you have to. Be mature.
If she says hello to you, say hello back. If you're alone in the elevator with her, say hello.
Take the high road. You'll feel better for it.
If she becomes confrontational, remain calm. If things get out of hand, walk away. If things become unbearable at work, you may need to seek a mediator.
I don't know why you would feel a need to apologize to this woman (well, I guess about the fooling around with her husband) but, if it's what you want to do, then do so.
Don't be surprised if she wants nothing to do with you.
2007-01-15 13:01:23 · answer #4 · answered by Jem! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No sweetie just let it go. That was a long time ago. You're right she probably doesn't even recognize you. If she happens to learn your name and approaches you then apologize. Why bring up bad memories for either of you. If she's a smart woman she now realizes it wasn't your fault anyway. You were just a girl and he was supposed to be the adult. I'm sorry you still feel uncomfortable about it.
2007-01-15 13:01:45 · answer #5 · answered by mjm52 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no don't act as if u recognize her, leave the past in the past, she didn't like u then and she will not want to be your friend now. seeing u again will only bring back some bad memories for her, it never works to try and clear your conscience, or explain to someone that u were not to blame for it. just don't acknowledge that u know her, as there is nothing to gain by telling her who u are, your not exactly going to start up a new friendship due to your past with this woman.
2007-01-15 13:07:12 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave it alone! If she doesn't know who you are, then that's a good thing. If she happens to ask who you are and remembers the whole event, then apologize for it, let her know that you regret what happened and feel sorry about it. In the meantime, your job may be at stake, so leave her alone. Stay professional.
2007-01-15 13:00:04 · answer #7 · answered by Common_Sense2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let it go. You were a minor when that happened. You are now and adult and she has NO idea who you are. Yes, it is awkward for you, but only you. Let it go, it doesn't matter any more. You both have moved on. Let it stay that way.
2007-01-15 13:04:37 · answer #8 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't bring it up, just keep doing your job. If she should happen to mention it, tell her that was a long time ago, you got over it and this is not the place or time to mention it. You don't owe her an apology.
2007-01-15 12:59:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, I wouldn't say anything to her at all. Besides that, you don't have anything to be sorry about. She shot the messenger is what she done. Let her come to you if she wants to talk or get to know you any better.
2007-01-15 13:08:13 · answer #10 · answered by Wondrin Dude 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope.. I wouldn't say a word. I would just let it go. You told her.. she didn't believe you. It would only cause tension in the workplace. Let sleeping dogs lie..
2007-01-15 13:03:15 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋