Do adopted children who haven't been held much when they were babies end up emotionally distant?

Question

Do they have dificulty with intimacy? My husband was adopted when he was three months old from Vietnam. We have been married for 7 years and I still feel like he keeps me at an arms length.

Answer 1

Well, yes, there are babies (commonly from Russian orphanages) who can suffer a host of emotional problems -- they can't bond with people easily and sometimes physically abuse themselves. (I believe it's called Non-Attachment Disorder, generally.)

But I don't think this is what your husband has. There could be many reasons why your husband is holding you at arms length. It is common in relationships for men to hold their wives at arm's length, while the wives expect more intimacy... so it might not have anything to do with your husband being adopted, whatsoever.

The fact that he was adopted at three months means that he still probably received decent care from his adoptive parents, so I would not attribute his distance now to that experience.

Still, if he still experiences feelings of rejection / unworthiness just because he was abandoned or given up for adoption, these could impact your relationship now, certainly.

Have you tried discussing his feelings with him? or the fact he was adopted? Does that come up a lot in conversation? Does he think there is a problem? Would he be willing to talk about anything that is bothering him, either with you or a friend or a counselor who could help?

To be honest, I would probably focus on just your relationship with him and anything that might have happened between you both, that could have affected his desire to be open with you.... not worrying yet about the adoption angle. You will probably find more answers there.

Good luck and take care.

Answer 2

I don't think so. That is a very early age to get adopted, but I am sure it's different for some people. You never know though.

Answer 3

some enver recover. some also are permanently damged and possibly dangerous.

he might not be a physical person and the fact that he wasn't held might have made this worse.
people ;like him go either way- overly clingy (my friends adopted baby) or distant

Answer 4

yes it is very difficult to cope with any relationships...whether it be friendships or personal ...it is hard to form a bond...why i don't know.i do know we need extra support and understanding then a normal person...hopes this helps alittle....