My mother constantly criticises everything about me and everything I do. She acts like the good things about me and my actions don't really matter. It makes me feel like I have nothing to feel proud about and I can't help thinking that she's probably right. I want to feel confident, it's just hard when your own mother brings you down all the time. Any advice?
2007-01-15 04:47:29 · 12 answers · asked by Lexy 4 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
You are your own person, you have to learn not to let others words effect you...even your mother. Read "The Four Agreements", it's a great book about how we allow the words of others dominate our lives, and discusses how we can learn to let the "Lies" people say to and about us not effect us. Great book, saved my life
2007-01-15 04:55:35 · answer #1 · answered by lstntfnd 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The first step to building confidence, in my opinion, is finding out what you truly want. Over the next week, whenever you feel down, depressed, insecure, or frustrated, start making a list of all the things you want. They can be little things, like, "I want a glass of water" or big things, like "I want to ride around the entire world in a hot air baloon." Just write down everything and don't censor yourself. Then after a week, and even throughout the week, look at the list and decide which of those things you can do something about. Then start doing it! Some of the things might require little steps first, but if you really want it, then you can do it. As you start seeing that you can do things that make you happy, your confidence will grow!
As for your mother, her own confidence is probably so bad that she has to rip on you. It's hard to not take things from your mom personally, but please, just build your own world where you are wonderful and confident!
2007-01-15 17:04:33 · answer #2 · answered by ~Love~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The sad thing about this is that you cannot choose your family members. No matter how much you want your mothers love and affection and approval, she doesn't sound like she is going to give it. A mothers job in my opinion is to love your children no matter what they do and become and mess up and break and no matter how many times they make the same mistakes to always love them and support them. Sadly, your mom didn't get that memo. The best thing you can do is to just let her say what she'll say and smile at her and agree with her and then do whatever it is you have been doing up until this point the same way because you are a wonderful person who is making good choices and going through life the best way you can and just know that even though she is your mom and you love her, she is not perfect herself and has messed up more than she will ever let you know about and in her own way she is not trying to make you feel bad, she is just taking out her own guilt on you. My advice is to listen to what you think. Do you think that you have things to be proud about? Do you think that you are doing a good job of being a responisble person given your circumstances? Listen to your heart and not her words. Good luck!
2007-01-15 12:59:02 · answer #3 · answered by freakyallweeky 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ski-Kitten is on it. Critical people begat critical people. The first step is to recognize that we all have gifts and strengths. I'm sure whatever you do with passion, you are a dynamo.
If you keep following the same course, you will find that your self-esteem will never improve and you will find that 20-30 years from now, you will still seek your mother's approval and she will still seem critical.
Your best way out? Help her to improve her self-esteem if possible. Then you create a win-win. Look for clues as to why kind of critical environment your mother grew up in. Ask her questions about how supportive her parerts were, if she ever felt like her best wasn't good enough. Draw this out of her and you not only help her, but help her to see your perspective and struggles.
Don't quit at the first sign of resistance - and there will likely be resistance. If you find down the road that you cannot help her, then you will have no choice but to create some distance from her so you can keep your confidence. Life is like a bucket. We need to surround ourselves with friends and family who help us to fill our buckets and keep distance from those who drill in and drain our buckets.
Best wishes!
2007-01-15 12:58:15 · answer #4 · answered by Darbo 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
In order to build your self confidence, you must first give yourself esteem and respect. Your accomplishments and good actions don't need to be recognized by others in order for you to feel good about yourself. Just give yourself a pat on the back even if no one notices.
Secondly, you must learn to handle criticism. Determine whether the criticism is warranted or not. If it is, agree with what is true, and use it to your advantage to improve yourself. If it isn't, then acknowledge the person's right to an opinion, but don't take it personally. If the other person keeps pointing out the bad, mention the good.
2007-01-15 15:13:16 · answer #5 · answered by the redcuber 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best confidence booster I ever received was accepting Jesus Christ as my Savior. Once I made this change in my life I knew that I was never alone in anything again. He created me just the way I am and loves everything about me. He helps me get through the good and bad things I face in life. He gave me confidence because He showed me it is not through my strength that I can survive, it is the strength he gives me. Your mother may have a lot of insecurities within herself that causes her to constantly criticize you. Unfortunately we are only responsible for ourselves, you cannot change the way she acts but you can change the way you respond to her negativity. Think about all of the great qualities you have and think about the other people in your life that love and support you. You were created a unique and special person, there is no one else out there like you.
2007-01-15 13:01:25 · answer #6 · answered by GospelGirl 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It was Eleanor Roosevelt who said "no one can make you feel inferior without your permission"...doesn't matter what she says, what matters is how you feel about yourself. I know it means a lot to have approval of your parents...but it isn't going to happen with your mother. Good news is that you recognize this and do not knock yourself out by trying to please her because you already know it can't be done. My mother was the same way, hon...and I did not allow her to hold me back for too long. I let many opportunities slide past me because I believed in her instead of myself...and I put the focus back on me instead of her and live a much happier life because of it. Please don't let anyone else define who you are...and don't listen to the negative things anyone says about you...you are only as worthy as you think you are!! Good luck to you!
2007-01-15 13:01:19 · answer #7 · answered by auntcookie84 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in your position before and my advice to you would be stay strong for yourself. I know it can be hard to express your feelings expecially to your mother, but I have learned that the key to realtionships is communication and compassion. So if it is possible try to communicate to your mother an let her know that she is hurting you. If she truely loves you she will get a grip.
2007-01-15 13:25:54 · answer #8 · answered by MamaLady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to make it clear to her that you don't like being criticised all the time, and you don't want to be brought down. As hard as it is you might have to distance yourself and not say much to her. She is being selfish if she is hurting you.
2007-01-15 13:02:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I you're doing your best and she still criticizes you, then think she's the one who's wrong, not u, so there's nothing to be insecure about, effort is what matters
2007-01-15 12:51:35 · answer #10 · answered by south e 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋