Second marriage and after over 10 years he still holds my first against me. I am emotionally deprived if I mention my ex and he totally withdraws for months. I can't help but wonder if I should just give up and move on, especially since my love is obviously not enough for him to trust me. What should I do?
2007-01-15 04:44:27 · 18 answers · asked by Walking on Sunshine 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh my God your Husband sounds exactly like me! I think he feels hurt and angry and its his way of punishing you. This is emotionally abusive for you and will only lead to my hurt on both sides. He needs to be brave and have the courage to actually tell you what he real feels instead of shutting down. Go to counseling as soon as possible.
2007-01-15 05:05:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't make any decisions to leave. I suggest you two enter into marriage counseling. This is a issue that can be fixed with help. Sometimes we just need more understanding of each others feelings. Sometimes we can love someone so much that we are not sure if they really love us the same way. Because life can throw us so many disappointment we will wonder from time to time is our relationship another one of life's disappointment. So counseling will give you the tools you need to live and feel happy in you day to day lives. Mentioning your ex is not a good thing to do anyway unless you have kids by him then things just may come up. Then there is still a proper way to handle that also. Give yourself more time to sort things out. You may not be able to do it alone so please try counseling. It truly will help. Talking things out will bring change to your marriage. Talking things out will bring change to your life. Good luck. You will find in time once you seek help that life brings things about but they can be turned around.
2007-01-15 13:01:53 · answer #2 · answered by relationcounseling 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know where you are coming from. In a different sense of course. I was married once, and am now engaged to be remarried. I have a child with my first husband, and I talk about him quite often. My now fiancee often throws the fact that I have been married in my face. I share a child with this man also. I basically had to do this. I explained to my fiancee that my ex was what I call and I can quote Dr Phil on this one... "a starter marriage." What this means is that often we get married too young. (I was 20) and its just way too young. It becomes a learning experience so that you can achieve a more successful marriage later on, with a man that you really love.
Stop talking about your ex. Do you love your ex? I would also be insecure if someone constantly talked about their ex. Reassure him that you love him. And if you truly do not. Then move on. If he still can't get over it. Move on.
2007-01-15 13:01:31 · answer #3 · answered by Java Queen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not siding with him, but you left out a lot of details. Why are you mentioning your ex? Do you have children with your first husband, do you have children with your second husband? He may be a jerk or he's sensing something else from you about your ex. I would say, if you are that totally miserable with him, get a divorce and move on. Maybe the third time will be a charm..........
2007-01-15 12:51:31 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Too easy can you guys talk and get help
tell him that 10 years been together is a long time to still hold an X
against you, if you had wanted the X you will still be together
Good luck
2007-01-15 12:55:46 · answer #5 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him! If he can't trust you when you've done nothing wrong, he's not worth it. On the other hand, he may just be jealous because he loves you so much and wants you to love him. Make sure he knows that you love him and nobody else, and if he doesn't trust you still, it's time to move on, I'm sorry to say.
2007-01-15 12:52:28 · answer #6 · answered by Rosalicious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should go. If after ten years he hasn't grown up to accept the fact that you are with him and not anyone else why would you want to stay with him. Let him know how you feel and that what he is doing is real immature because you have vowed to be his wife and no longer carry feelings for the ex.
2007-01-15 12:49:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should stay and offer to go to marriage counseling with your new spouse.... Whyd does he feel this way??? Talk to him and ask him why and communicate with him..... Why does he feel this way? There has to be a reason for it... Try everything you can to work on the marriage and if for some reason there is not saving to it then seek to get out.
2007-01-15 12:49:24 · answer #8 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Withdrawing for months is a little extreme, but why are you dwelling on your ex? Move on already.
2007-01-15 12:49:12 · answer #9 · answered by Gene 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
show him this post. then ask him to join you in marriage counciling.he has some deep seated issues that probably go waaay back and beleive it or not...have nothing to do with you personally. more than likely, if you divorce and he finds someone new....he will be just as insecure with her. he needs to decide if he is willing to deal with this insecurity issue. if he dosent...he may face a very lonely life.
all the best to you.
2007-01-15 12:51:42 · answer #10 · answered by dali333 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋