HELP: Another man......?????

Question

What do you do if you click with a man - other than your husband??? I have known this other man for about 4 years and we have always clicked - had that certain connection/spark that you can't explain.....I know I should end all contact with him but yet I can't as I don't want to not have him in my life..... Am I setting myself up to an affair - we have a deep emotional bond and love to tease/banter with each other and the only thing we haven't done is anything sexual... help please..... Thanks :)

Answer 1

That's a hard one.
You've known this man for 4 years, but not intimately.
Some people do put on a great "game face" meaning they are very charming and sweet when around you, but isn't part of their true character. People every day meet people and start relationships and only after years of living with someone do they see their real self. Sure he is Mr.Clean when you see him, but maybe he's a manly man on the weekend or when he is away from you.
Now look at your husband. You love him, but are not "in love" with him. Do you know why? I do. It because when people are "in love" with someone it has very little to do with the person and more to do with what they think their life will be with them. Being "in love" is loving a dream of what you think your future will be like. Like loving a fairy tale. However, loving someone is caring for what the other person feels. You care what your husband feels and your husband cares what you feel. This other man is a door way to a fairy tale future that may not even be real. So do you really want to toss away what you have for what might not even be there?

Great love and great reward require great risk.

Are you willing to gamble your husbands love for the shadow of something better?

Answer 2

This is a difficult situation to be in. Anyone in a monogomous relationship has had situations where they find they click with another person, we are human. it happens.

However, when you find that you are thinking this much about it and the teasing and bantering causes you to have more intense feelings and curiosity, you HAVE to extricate yourself from the friendship or think about what you want to do about your marraige.

Be honest with yourself. Admit that you cannot be just friends with this person. You say you have not done anything sexual with the guy, but you are having some sort of emotional affair. In my book that is just as bad.

If you love your man, stick it out with him and stop associating with this friend. There is always this kind of passion and excitement and banter and tension in the beginning of the relationship. It is likely that your chemisty with this friend stems out of the fact that you are both the forbidden fruit. In the end, you may find that he was not really worth having busted up your marriage over. Do you REALLY want to take that chance??

Answer 3

if u value your marriage, and love your husband, than don't do it, as affairs sometimes don't turn out like we think they will, we get all these romantic idea's in our mind, about how it's all going to turn out, but most of the time, what we are feeling is infatuation and lust, and that really doesn't last, and we can't actually build a life on it. please don't do this, as if u do and your hubby finds out, your marriage may not survive such a betrayal. when it is all said and done, and we do leave our mates for another, we get tired and weary of the new relationship also. just a faze your going through, not real just all in your mind, when this other man teases u, and u feel like there is some connection its best to run the other way and fight it, it may bring u nothing but heartache in the end. and once u do actually cross that line, u will never be able to look your husband in the face again, without feeling guilt and shame, it will destroy u.

Answer 4

As far as your husband is concerned you are already cheating, so why not go all the way. He'll likely never trust you again anyway after he reads this. Why do you think it is so unique that you found another guy you like?

Keep in mind there are 3 billion people on this planet. Even if you could possibly only attracted to 1/10th of 1% of them, that still leads 3 million people. You gotta figure you might run across 2 out of 3 million at the same time eventually.

Answer 5

...I don't know how long you've been married or how old you are, but I think that part of the issue could be self esteem. Attention from people we consider attractive makes us feel desirable. This is the case especially when our relationships have aged and our significant others take us for granted. Alternatively, our S.O.s may even lavish attention on us, but we take that attention for granted because it's not worth as much to as a new person recognizing our good qualities that our SO seems gloss over.

I hate to say it this way, and I could be wrong because I don't know you, but the longer you string this guy along, the more you can feed your self esteem. Be honest with yourself -- is this what you're doing? The only reason why I think this may be the case is, why don't you just confine this person to the 'friend' category. I 'click' with a lot of males, I call them friends, and I call it a day. I love their company, but I don't want to jump their bones. If you can effectively transfer this guy to the people-whose-bones-I-have-no-interest-in-jumping category, then there's no reason you can't keep in your life, esp. if he enhances it by giving you things your husband can't. I've been with my husband 10 years, and I don't expect him to be everything to me. That's just being realistic.

Answer 6

If you're worried that you're headed for an affair, then you probably are. It's your choice; these things don't "just happen."

You need to either decide your marriage means something to you and cool it with this guy, or give your husband the courtesy of getting out. This isn't a game.

Before you act, you need to consider if this guy feels the same way, or is it just banter to him?

And if he does feel the same way; do you really want to be with someone who's OK with breaking up a marriage?

You got some thinking to do, girl!

Good luck.

Answer 7

You know what they say the grass isn't always greener on the other side. You have to ask yourself one important question, do you love your huspand? If you do, then do not sleep with the other man (flirting is okay as long as it doesn't go anywhere). My advice would be for you to take a good look at your married life and see what can be done to put the spark you have with your friend back in your marraige, if all else fails break it off with your huspand before cheating. Chances are your friend in the long run would be just that. Good luck!

Answer 8

Yes- I think you are setting yourself up for an affair. Emotions are powerful and can lead to unintended actions. Ask yourself- What is more important, my friendship with this man or the love that my husband and I share? Removing him from your life now might be painful but it could very well help you to avoid much more pain for the three of you in the future.

Answer 9

If you KNOW you should end contact with him, then do so.
Think of how you would feel if your husband had those feelings toward another woman and couldn't/wouldn't end the friendship. The emotional bond you are feeling with this guys is dangerous.
I think you are setting yourself up for an affair. Trust me, once you start down that road, it's a long, ugly road back.

Answer 10

Sunflower.....I have definately been there.....and I still battle with the temptation of other women here and there. Don't let it ruin your marriage. Those vows are sacred, and nothing should get between you and your husband. The banter can be fun and enjoyable, but deep down it makes you doubt your current relationship and you can't let that happen. It causes an interpersonal conflict that can have an effect on your relationship with your husband. Please don't let it get to far