can you read my poem? and give me your opinion thanks also tell me if i need to improve any thing ♥?

Question

Friendship


Friendship is more than just being a friend
Its being there until the end
Through thick and thin
Good and bad
Through times that were happy
And times that were sad
Through out our lives our friendship was true
You made me happy when I felt blue
Whatever we do any style any way
Just being with you brightens up my day
You have a sense of caring that is dear
Friends forever that is clear
At times we got mad
We even yelled
After that we felt guilty
And our friendship rebelled
We laughed at the littlest things
And in my mind our laughter still rings
So clear like the stars in the sky
If our friendship was on a scale it would be rated very high
So whenever you need a helping hand
I will be there willing to lend
A person that is not just an acquaintance
Bur forever your best friend

Answer 1

what a lovely poem... you did a lot of work, I hope the person your wrote this for appreciates what a good friend you are.

Answer 2

The truth? I'm sure your heart is in the right place but it's a pretty rough draft and could use work. If you're going to write a rhyming poem you should keep it consistent -- in other words, each line should have the same number of syllables (beats) and the same accent stresses (da DA da DA da DA or da da DA da da Da). Think of pop or rap songs -- each line has the same number of beats to keep the rhythm.

And if you can't find an appropriate word to rhyme with one you've used, change the first word. Like where you wrote "we yelled" and then say "our friendship rebelled" -- "friendship rebelled" is awkward and doesn't really make sense. Why not use "sometimes we screamed" and rhyme it with "but our trust was redeemed"? Or "harsh words flew but our friendship proved true.."

I don't know how old you are, but the word choices are kind of unimaginative -- it reads like a cheap greeting card. Why don't you try writing a "free verse" poem, one that doesn't have to rhyme? That gives you more freedom in word choices and lets you be more expressive. Be more specific and personal about what you and your friend share, not so generic. What's unique about your friend? What's a real incident that made your friendship grow? Like "....when I fell at the track, and the team gave me flack, their words didn't sting 'cause you had my back"

Best advice: if you want to be a good poet, read LOTS of poetry and you'll get a feel for it. Experiment -- pretend you are someone else, your pet or even someone you don't like, and write from their perspective. Look for unusual words and try to work them into your poetry (the best rappers do that all the time.) Concentrate more on the rhythm and flow of the lines in your poems instead of the rhymes.

Answer 3

in my view, I value evaluations that are subsidized up by some standards. First may be info. that's what i seek for once I ask questions right here on Yahoo. What are the info? OR, is it purely an opinion that's ideally positioned down in writing. 2d, i seek for intent. Is the opinion out of project; is it out of Godly principled love? If not then i don't pay lots interest to it. third, is it logical? If it does not ring real to me, I question its value. Fourth, Does it circulate alongside with my Bible knowledgeable experience of right and incorrect? that's the real value. If it stands as much as those 4 factors (and that i'm beneficial there are extra yet that's what's coming to techniques), then that's an fairly valued opinion. The Zeb ;)

Answer 4

Hello Akay,

Its a very good poem. I'm not a big poem reader but I don't think there's any improvement that I could tell.
Whoever your friend is? Is very lucky to have you. :-)
And if I ever need a poetic I would like to knock on your door for help. :-)(Valentines coming..lol..)

Love and Peace in 2007

Answer 5

Great! I like it...no suggestions for improvement!

Answer 6

I think you dont have to improve anything! Its a really good poem!!!!!!!!!!!!♥ angelwithin

Answer 7

its nice

Answer 8

Awwwww....that is so sweet!