How do I get my husband to communicate w/ me & appreciate me?

Question

Me & my husband got into a petty arguement this weekend. I left & went & stayed with my mom saturday night, b/c i just didn't want to stay home & agrue with him. Last night, i told him that i really wanted to talk about our marriage. He said i don't want to talk, i tried to talk last night but u left with my little girl. He says i used our daughter agianist him, but he had to be at work at 5am Sunday, so i had to take her. Point being, he never wants to talk to me about serious things i'm really concerned about. I feel like i'm breaking down with every miscommunication. He always makes me feel so low. He is the bread winner of the house, & is sure to bring that up in every arguement. I feel unappricated & unloved lately. I work full-time at work & at home. I never get a break. He worksout after work, comes home & sits on the couch & watches tv til bedtime. I'm tired of trying to mend broken ends. I love him so much & he is a great father & good friend at times. Please help~~

Answer 1

Ahhh, the infamous "communication breakdown" again?

Well, what do you really want to hear? You want to hear that you're special, you want a little affection and some respect, but you don't know how to ask for it, and there's a good chance you are expecting this marriage to fill your whole life (it won't: you need to develop some intellectual interests if you don't have them).

What does he want to hear? He wants to feel safe and secure in his relationship, so when you threaten him or walk out, that's not working so well. Assuming he's just tired and not putting enough effort into the relationship, you might try telling him that you need to know you are special to him, to just hold hands every once in a while, and to be taken out on a date with your hustband sometimes.

Maybe you can plan a short vacation together that you'd both like? That might help?

My definition of the "communication breakdown", BTW, based on my own experiences is: man begins taking relationship for granted, woman acts up maybe even threating to leave to get his attention, man pays attention to her graitifying her ego, man feels less secure about relationship, pattern gets worse over time.

The trick is that both partners need to understand the relationship takes work, that respect, affection, a little romance and a little understanding about each others' needs goes a long way toward creating a safe, happy, and healthy relationship.

Answer 2

Sounds like both of you need to learn how to communicate with each other.

Try this. Go out and buy two copies of Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. This is a fantastic book and will do wonders as to helping you gain and understanding of how to communicate. Now the trick is to read the chapters at the same time and talk about them.

How do you get him to do it? Tell him you are at your wits end and that he has no choice if he wants to work on saving the marriage. This is strong and blunt but it will get through.

You both must be open to this idea for it to work.

Just a little bit from what I think. Let him work out and then give him an hour in front of the TV. Guys unwind from a stressful day by unplugging. Women on the other hand unwind from a stressful day by jacking in and sharing. So you want to talk with him and he wants to be left alone. This little situation is very frustration from couples but once they realize this and both are compassionate to the others feelings they communicate better.


P.S.

Stop going to mom's during fights. It tells him that how he feels is unimportant and he feels unappriaciated and powerless.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

I've read this three times and I'm just not getting the "great father, great friend" part of the description of your husband. In honesty, it sounds like your feelings and your marriage are at a point where professional intervention is needed. Family or Marriage Counselling may go a long way in understanding one another.

If that doesn't fit into your budget, consider talking to a priest or minister. Catholic churches and priests offer free family counselling. (I'm sure other religions do, too--but I'm Catholic so that's the one I know about).

On something this serious, please--PLEASE--don't look for answers on Yahoo! Find professional counselling. If your husband won't go, GO YOURSELF. It will help you deal with what you're going through. Sometimes just talking about things helps.

Answer 4

Be sure you still want this relationship, then sit down and write him a letter explaining how you feel about him and how you feel about the relationship. Don't try to blame anybody, just get the communications started. Hand him the letter and ask him to read it, but don't try to explain it, and give him time to respond, don't rush it.

If your relationship is worth saving, then he should take on board what you say.

Answer 5

question for u----if it was only a petty arguement...then why did u leave...and why did u take your daughter???

If u needed time to think...then simply leave the kid and say u need to go and think...and return in an hour or so...

a petty arguement and u leave the house....something isn't right here...no one takes their kid and leaves and doesn't return for a petty arguement.

Answer 6

Go to Amazon and get the book, "The Five Love Languages" Your husband really needs to read it to,

http://www.amazon.com/Five-Love-Languages-Heartfelt-Commitment/dp/1881273156/sr=8-1/qid=1168878952/ref=pd_bbs_1/104-7070776-2755924?ie=UTF8&s=books

Answer 7

tell him its time to grow up and start being an adult.theres things he needs to talk about,if not move on and find a guy who cares more about u then he does...gl tc

Answer 8

If we argued and you went to stay wit yourmom, I would tell you to stay there for good. you run away form your problem and then wonder why he does nto want to talk? get real