I am married for the second time for 21 years now. My problem is this man is a control freak to start out. He drinks alot even though he says he dosen't, he gambles at the clubs; such as VFW, Legions and so forth. I have left this man twice and stupid me, came back both times. He promised he has changed and even goes to counseling with me. He is retired and gets a monthly check, plus he works part time and has his own checking and savings account. I retired on Disability and receive a check once a month its not alot but thankful that I receive some type of income. I pay my own car payment, our house is paid off, plus we have three other vehicles, two of them are paid off. I pay for my own groceries and he pays for his. When he goes to work he calls me at least 4-5 times a day just to see what I am doing. He tells me all the time that he is the best thing that ever happened to me? He verbally abuses me, he goes thru my purse to see if I am hiding anything from him. I need some advice??
2007-01-15 03:26:20 · 19 answers · asked by daisy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes, you should leave for good. I was married to a man like that and the reason he checks up on you is because he is still drinking and gambling. I also get a disability check and stupid me, I paid all the bills while he took his check and gambled and drank it away. The third time I left him was for good and now I am happily divorced. Yes, I heard that line too that I was the best thing that ever happened to him but it was a lie because he didn't act like it. I went to counseling with him also and it did no good. You can be miserable by yourself and don't need someone to do it for you. You can make it on your own...I did and I am happier because of it.
2007-01-15 03:35:02 · answer #1 · answered by Katherine R 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hes a bully. I am sure he has heard this in counsling. The verbal assults have to stop. But more important, you live like room mates more than a married couple. You need to reconnect with him. ( If you want to) Other wise start selling the extra cars, get the house appraised, refinance the loan on the house, take half the equity, half the bank acct, file for a divorce and don't forget to get spousal support. You can do all of this without attorneys, it will only cost a few hundred bucks. Problem solved. Tell him you will not accept his treatment of you any longer, and if he continues to be verbally abusive, this is your plan. He will definately listen. Remember you teach people how to treat you. Retrain him.
2007-01-15 11:40:39 · answer #2 · answered by sweetpea 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you are not alone. Second, you are not stupid. Third, there are many women who are experiencing the same type of situation as yours. My advice? Re-read what you have just said in your not, above and take steps to deal with your predicament. I suggest as well that you go to a group such as AL-ANON to better understand the choices your partner is making and to share the information with others. And, do not be afraid to take advice from others as well. You will know whom to trust and to distinguish between good and bad advice. The bottom line here is that you are not to blame and that you are entitled to live a happy life. It does not sound too happy now - but that does not mean that you are to continue this life if that is not YOUR CHOICE. And, from what you arite, you are able to make your own choices. Don't delay. Get some advice and make up your own mind. You seemingly have the resources - financially and otherwise - to go your OWN way if that is what you choose. Good luck.
Slowhand
2007-01-15 11:43:05 · answer #3 · answered by slowhand 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Counseling only makes him pout on his best face. Listen: You man is not just a control freak. He is very low self esteem, a child who never grew up, and he will bring you lower with each passing day. He absolutely has a lot of undiagnosed mental illness. Mental illness grow worse in Senior.
You ask various things. What is the draw which makes you return? Is the sex that good? Is there a fear of being alone? Are you afraid of finances? Do you want to look good for others by letting it appear that your marriage is in tact? Ha ha, and ha!
I Am not laughing at you, buy the way,.
You must risk these and leave ten years ago,,. to gain self respect and raise self esteem.
2007-01-15 11:40:18 · answer #4 · answered by Legandivori 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have a relationship of conveneince at least for you.
You seem to have financial concerns and that is why you are staying with him.
If you did not want out of the relationship you would not be posing this question.
What you are describing sounds unacceptable unless the financial concerns outweigh the abuse you are suffering.
Do what is best for you and don't look back.
2007-01-15 11:44:29 · answer #5 · answered by L&C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ooo no girl,... u should totally leave him... some guys say they change just because they're afraid to lose u... he really doesn't deserve u,... he's too jealous and controlling and really paranoid,... i get the phone calls i mean my bf calls me a lot when we're not together and i call him too,..
but the drinking & gambling is a big problem
what u have to ask yourself is do you lovehim??? think real hard about the difference between loving him and needing him... maybe u feel like u can't leave him for some reason...
but u should always do what your heart says, who knows what opportunity could come up???
2007-01-15 11:48:08 · answer #6 · answered by Angelina 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nobody should be treated that way! I think you should leave him as soon as possible. Being treated that way will only wear down your self esteem. Stay too long and you may start believing that he is the best thing that has happened to you! You should be treated with love and kindness and respect. You deserve to be happy. Dont settle for less than that. Good luck!!!
2007-01-15 11:47:22 · answer #7 · answered by lady_daizee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have low self esteem and he is controling you through that. Help is available but not here on Y/A. He does sound like he has serious control issues. You need to manage this situation carefully. It's a bit out of my area of knowledge but email me if you want to talk.
2007-01-15 11:46:44 · answer #8 · answered by Bill G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
MEN DO NOT CHANGE
so odds are he was like this when u married him
apparently, you have decided that the life u live is now for some reason unacceptable....why was it acceptable to u before
the choice is yours....only u can decide
2007-01-15 11:30:58 · answer #9 · answered by sunbun 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
sounds as if you are taking care of your self already , what are you waiting for ..?? life is to short to be with some one that treats you that way .. you are better than that .. I say get your own place and be free of the abuse..
2007-01-15 11:32:06 · answer #10 · answered by blueflowerscs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋