First of all I am not a sneaky person and I respect my husband's privacy. However the other day when I was looking for a download, I came across a photo in our download folder of a young lady that I have never seen before. My husband spends a lot of time on the computer. Today is MLK and I work but he is off. I suspect that he is going to try to get together with whomever this person is because he was very vague about what his plans were for the day.
The main reason for my suspicion is that he has half-jokingly threatened to get a girlfriend since I have not been really in the mood lately. We have a baby and I work full time and take care of everything in the house including all laundry and shopping. I am also pregnant again. So I am really tired and have been since my 1st baby was born. I don't feel like having sex very much, I'm exhausted- what can I say.
The question is not whether he is justified if that is what he intends to do, the question is, do I confront him?
2007-01-15 03:23:13 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
because there have been so many responses I will clarify:
1) I work because together we agreed that we should have the 2nd income as long as possible. Do I NEED to? No. Have I suggesting quitting? Yes.
2) I don't hold out on him 100% of the time. We probably do it once a week. 3x a month minumum. I know it's not ideal but it's all I can manage, considering I can sleep standing up most of the time.
3) I refuse to deliberately pry at this point. I was very upset with him going behind my back and snooping (for other reasons)before and I will not hold a double standard.
Thanks for all of your input!
2007-01-15 03:44:53 · update #1
Tell him what you've told us. Begin by saying that you respect his privacy, but came across the photo. Finding the photo, combined with his comments and vagueness about his plans has made you uneasy. Tell him to respect you enough to be honest. Depending on where the conversation goes, it may be an opportunity for you to sit down and discuss why you're not in the mood and what he can do to help that.
Children certainly have an impact on marriage. Even when you have planned for them, there's nothing like the reality of dealing with your new life and schedule. This is by no means an excuse for him to cheat or for you to feel like you have to do it all because you're the mom.
The photo in and of itself isn't evidence that he's doing anything, but I would treat it as a red flag. While I want to say that spouses aren't tempted by the attention of others, we're all human. The test will be how he responds to you and how seriously you're taken. Stay calm, good luck!
2007-01-15 03:44:32 · answer #1 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well to start it is never justified that could cheat. If you really wanna know what he is up to go home for the day say you dont feel well and go home. see if he acts differently around you becuase you come home sick and if he had planned on doing somethinhg well then that will be shot right out of the window. Men will be men they will do as they please when they want to no matter what it may cost them., IS this right HELL NO , and I hate the fact men think its ok because we are tired or pregreant again and take care of the them that if we are tired and not in the mood then its ok cheat. Nope its never ok to cheat and if he doing it then is damn wrong. What you need to do is play him a little bit, try to found what who the chick is check is cell phone if you can before you confront him. Make sure you have tru beliefs about him cheating before confronting him becuase it will just put his gurad up and push him away even more if he is not, but keep your eyes and ears open now that you have picture and of course there are a milli0on excuses he can make for that picture, good luck to you and the baby
2007-01-15 03:35:24 · answer #2 · answered by prettygirl new orleans 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all what he said, even jokingly , about getting another girlfriend is really harsh,... u don't deserve that kind of manipulation especially since u work hard all day and are constantly exhausted...
however u have to be careful about confronting because what if it turns out your suspitions were wrong? what if you confronted him and he was completely innocent? that could cause some real damage to your relationship...
i agree it looks real suspicious though,...and a working pregnant mother of 1 shouldnt have to justify not being in the mood,... if he really loves you, he would never cheat on you just because u dont do it every day...
my advice? first, quit your job because as u said u dont need to and u already have thought about quitting because of your exhaustion,...
second, keep a watch on your hubby because it looks like he's up to something tricky but dont confront him if you dont have proof!
good luck with your prob girl and try to get some sleep! lol
2007-01-15 03:56:32 · answer #3 · answered by Angelina 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you should confront him about more than if he's seeing another woman.
You're both working full time jobs. Then you come home and work full time with the baby and the house while he sits on his rear and collects pics of young ladies. After which, he expects sexual services from you.
Do you see the problem here? It isn't you, honey, except you're putting up with it.
(This is not judgemental; all of us put up with stuff to one degree or another. It's just your situation sounds a bit too much.)
And as for other women, yes, you need to know, because of the danger of STDs, which can affect your unborn baby as well as you. Maybe it's a good thing for the health of you both that you haven't been in the mood.
Maybe you should see a marriage counselor -- with or without him -- to figure out how to improve your situation.
2007-01-15 03:42:44 · answer #4 · answered by Louise M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is way more complicated than "do I confront him?" Has he suggested that you quit working to stay home with the kids, and thus be less tired and a better wife and mother? If you choose to work, because you want to, not because you have to, then you are in effect neglecting him and your kids. In that case, I suppose some would suggest he is not entirely wrong to seeking out romance and companionship. You chose your path, he is choosing his.
However, if you are required to work, and he is on board with that, then he is being a prick. You then have every right to question his motives, even follow him. Confronting him will do little good as he will deny it, and then feel even more like finding emotional and sexual support outside the home. He needs to be on board with the path your household is taking. Right now I get the feeling he is an outsider.
Good luck your gonna need it.
2007-01-15 03:33:43 · answer #5 · answered by javelin 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hello...justified to cheat, I do not think so. He needs to be spending time with you and since you are pregnant again, he should be helping around the house and with the child. Your husband needs to get his priorities in line. Talk to him. Tell him what you suspect and how you feel. It may be time for some counseling. If your husband is getting pictures from unknown young lady, then the thoughts of cheating may have crossed his mind. Good luck...
2007-01-15 03:32:49 · answer #6 · answered by derose 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is what i mean about guys they love to complain about everything but who does all the women i clean cook work take care the kids at the end of the day i am dead my husband doesn't get home till 10pm or later i have to serve him food and have the talk of the day to gather our stuff together i tell him all the time i work as much as you do how come our house is a mess the time i get home he works evenings i work day well he always talking of how much women's look at him and like i tell him if i ever find out anything i would make sure your life turns into hell i would keep the house and kick him out and take him to court for alimony and child support so don't let this guy take advantage****
2007-01-15 03:33:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I would definitely NOT quit your job. Your job is your security!!! Don't allow yourself to become a victim. You should have a right to want to work.
Second of all, who's to say that if you quit your job, he wouldn't still see someone on the side? And then where would you be? Alone with 2 kids and No job!!!
I would snoop, just don't let him catch you. If you do find something out, don't act on it immediately. Wait until you know for sure.
2007-01-15 04:10:15 · answer #8 · answered by sweetbabykitty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, but before you do make sure that you'll be able to take care of yourself and your children. Set money aside, not in the bank, and when you feel you can support yourself for a few months, and if he hasn't provided you with evidence yet, then confront him. You will have the confidence to ask the tough questions if you don't have to rely on him for support. Good Luck.
2007-01-15 03:33:44 · answer #9 · answered by dlk426 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't confront him until I was absolutely sure he cheated.
Spending alot of time on the computer is not a good sign... shouldn't he be helping you with all that's going on in your lives?
Sounds like he's escaping the harsh realities of marriage and parenting, probably needs to grow up.
2007-01-15 03:46:09 · answer #10 · answered by annamaria 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋