Unemployed housewives...how'd you get up the courage to get a divorce?

Question

I'm currently unemployed and debating seriously about getting a divorce. It's not a cut and dry case..(neither of us cheated..or just found out we're gay etc..lol) but, we just don't seem to want the same things in life anymore. One fear I am having...(besides loads of others) is the fear of being able to take care of myself financially. I guess I just would like to hear success stories or failures. And, we do not have kids in the mix. Thanks.

GEt a clue STACy..you do not have enough information about me to judge me. I can think of a few things to call you right now...but...wait..I DON"T KNOW YOU. Have a LOVEly day.

#1 WE don't even live in the same house but 6 days a month or even less than that..#2 I am in counseling..HE IS not...

Thank you jersey girl

It's been 27 days since we've seen each other now. He works out of state..and has chosen to do so. I have asked him to come home.. he says he makes more money there. No. It's not affordable for me to move to Calif.

Married 6 years ..dated 2 and lived together for 1

four 2x4..no he does not get it. It has been explained over and over again. He sees things his way and I mine. He is living with 3 male room mates..so his fiancial state will not be all that impaired. I hear what you're saying to me..about the inequality of things..but, man wants a wife to stay home and cook/clean and care for him...JUST can't have it both ways.

I have been employed all of our relationship together except for the last 4 months.

Answer 1

i got married at 18 to a totally jerk. I stayed in it for 5 years and finally said engough. for me it was more of a case of having trouble admitting that it was not working. When i left him I had a 4 month old little girl and was not working. I moved back with my dad. it was not easy. but looking back 2 years later it was the best choice i ever made. In the summer i finsh school with a nursing degree and i am dating a guy that i really care about. So i say live if you if you are not happy leave if i could do it with a so can you. I wish you the best of luck. remember life is to short to be unhappy we don't know how long we are here so make the best of it. you are welcome to email me if you'd like

Answer 2

Well the one really good thing is that u dont have children.. so thats a plus.. If u want out then go for it.. yes the fear of the unknown is always scarey.. ur not the first to feel this nor the last, but it only lasts for a short time, once u get on your feet, u'll wonder why u ever waited.. u wont beable to afford the greatest of things at first but what u will have will be yours and you'll appreciate it.. u'll go find a job, probably set up in a 1 bdr apt to start out with..since their cheaper.. ect.. remember that in a divorce u get half of everything.. half of whats in the checking account, savings account.. if u own a house , u get half of the profit from the house, and half of the materials inside the house, if u have 2 cars u get one of the two cars.. everything will be split 50/50 including bills .. it sucks restarting.. but after the stress of getting it all together which will take a couple of months, its wonderful.. so dont stay if ur unhappy and just scared of restarting.. if i was you, id go start putting applications in now, and even get a job, theres no reason for u not to work , so go get a job, and once u start getting paychecks, start looking for a place to live..

Answer 3

You really need to give your marriage all you have. It is normal to go through different stages, but that does not indicate time to quit. Get a job and help conribute to the marriage. Both of you can work together at home cooking, cleaning etc. You may need to be on the same track to understand each other. Don't walk away...the grass is never any greener on the other side it just looks that way. You are not being abused etc so you should work things out. See acounselor if need be. Try to talk to your pastor or minister. Pray and put God first. Tell him your feelings and he will show you how to overcome this stage and find real happiness.

Answer 4

Maybe other states' courts are better than Minnesota's, I don't know. But I have a friend who has been pursuing child support from her babydaddy for more than a year, and the court did order him to pay a couple hundred dollars a month. He was unemployed, they ordered him to get a job, and he had to report his progress in searching for one, too. He hasn't done jack. He lives with and off the mother of two of his other children, and he has another child with someone else to boot. Nothing has happened to him. The court orders are largely meaningless.

Answer 5

The length of the marriage will determine Alimony.
The reality is, you will need to try and find a job.
This is the problem I have written about several times on answers.

Women want to be taken care of. This is an inherant problem. Now, I know you are already trying to figure out how to be self-sufficient, and that's good.

Here is my biggest gripe. Women WANT equality in EVERY respect. Yet, when it comes to marriage, they want to be treated like children, hence, being taken care of , etc...
In divorce, (depending on how long you have been married), your husband now, will have to take financial care of you for at least 1/2 of the time you were married. For instance, if you were married for 5 years, he may be stuck paying you support for 2.5 years AFTER divorce, and YOU want the divorce. Where is the equity in that? If he wants to make it financially, he will either have to work like a dog doing overtime, or take on a second job, or find a better job, JUST to "pay" for the pleasure of knowing you those years. If he is to have any chance of financial survival, he is forced to find a woman with earning capacity, else he probably won't even be able to afford an apartment after divorce. Meanwhile, you can take your time figuring it all out, either finding the "right" man, or finding the "right" job etc..

I don't mean to sound negative, but there is NOTHING positive in your scenario for your husband, (does he even know how you feel?). I know you are going to counseling, but does he get it?
Is there hope that your feelings will get turned around, and is he getting a chance to try and make things better for you? IT is complicated, but at least you have no kids. This is HUGE. No kids does give you an easire break if it goes that way.
I could go on, but you will think me a women-hater, and I am not. I just think women should be responsible for themselves, and not take advantage of the man they end up leaving.

Answer 6

My friend is about 48 and was married a long time, then filed for divorce.
She is going back to school for nursing and very successful as a student. She is getting some spousal support and school loans. She happened to meet an old friend from high school and she is much happier today and dating him *but in no hurry to remarry.* Success can occur if you are willing to work hard and you might have to look at pursuing a further education in a field where you can make enough to live on.

Answer 7

address these issues with your hubby and let him know how you feel and why you are unhappy. if you feel as if you simply do not love your hubby anymore and this just can't be fixed....then honey, you need to just go file for your divorce at the courthouse. go stay at your friends or parents house and look for a job in the meantime. you need to start living for YOU and find a way to support yourself. your case is EASY and cheap, you may even get alimony for a little while too if your state grants it... unlike mine...I have property and a kid involved so it's much more difficult. anyway, good luck.

Answer 8

Hello i was unamployed when my second husband abandoned me and my children after six months of marriage and i was miserable and lonely for a while... But when the tight guy came along he paid for the divorce for me and we are now married and very happily so! Have the two of you been to marriage counseling and if he does not want a divorce i feel you should stay married to him and try to work on your marriage... There is really no valid reason for divorce here.....

Answer 9

If you really have (no) children, I question why you are not working. If they are grown up and adults now, I understand the feeling of loss. You should look for work if you are able to. You are also entitled to support from your husband to some degree, if you stayed at home raising children most of your life. Unless you have a degree in some field it will be hard to find a job that you make a living wage at.

Answer 10

in most states, a divorce is easy to get with "no fault" laws. you do not need a reason such as adultry or abuse. whether you can provide for yourself is up to you. you need to be able to find employment. if you own your home, that may be sold and value split in half. if not, you'll be looking for housing. good luck.