me and my friend of 11 years moved to a new school in september. since then she has had a personality change for the worst. she constantly tuts and huffs and puffs especially if i try and talk to other people in an attempt to make new friends. she is always complaining or bitching about one person or another and generally jus embarassing me. she used to be quite a bubbly happy person until we entered this new environment and i have always stayed a loyal friend to her, however, she has often ignored me for months in favour of, as she saw it, more entertaining people. she doesnt seem to want to make any new friends and is really horrible to me if i try to speak to other people so i generally try to not speak to people i would like to chat with just to keep the peace. however, now she has decided she wants to go to the same university as me in dublin, ireland and seems intent on following me there. my life is a living hell. what can i do
2007-01-15 01:58:28 · 34 answers · asked by tania 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
i am going to uni in dublin nxt year i am not there now
2007-01-15 02:06:46 · update #1
she doesnt ignore me now she clings onto me like a leach because all of her 'more interesting' friends went to a different school so now its jus her and me and a few others ... so yeah... shes controlling but clingy
2007-01-15 02:10:42 · update #2
talk to her about it. I have a friend kinda like that and we talk and she stoppes doing it for awhile.
2007-01-15 02:02:14 · answer #1 · answered by lemonz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I faced a similar problem very recently. My friend of 10 years is still at school but I chose to leave a year early and take a gap-year before university and moved to France. After 3 months I came home and where my relationship with some people had become stronger, my relationship with my best friend had almost faded away. She had "become closer" to other people while I was away and she simply just decided that we shouldn't be friends anymore. I was quite gutted about this because, as I said, It was a 10 year friendship and she was just ending it with no fight. I don't like her new friends so when she chose to spend all her time with them and blocked me out for them also, I got angry about this. However, I've realised that I have other friends who care for me and I may not have been friends with them for as long as 10 years but they treat me with a hell-of-a-lot more respect and are true friends. She wasn't a good friend and I've also realised that we were just friends for so long because we always had been. That's no way to live a life and so I recommend that you talk to her and explain that you've grown apart. Tell her that you don't want a bitchy fall-out, you just don't want to be her friend anymore. Meet new people and as for the the University thing... oh my... there are thousand of people in a Uni!!! You'll meet new friends who are taking the same course and you'll have a great time. As for now, stay strong and do what you feel is right because it probably IS the right thing to do and don't feel that by not being her friend you're going to be a weaker person.
2007-01-15 02:11:30 · answer #2 · answered by Sami 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think most women have had a friend like that at some point in our lives and no matter what we do, they try to control us or hold us back from getting on with life.
This has recently been labelled as a Friendshift. It sounds like you're blossoming and becoming a confident and independent individual, capable of making new friends and becoming popular. This obviously bothers her - perhaps because you're both out of your comfort zones and you are handling it much better than she is. It may be that things settle down again once she feels comfortable with her surroundings and realises that distance and change doesn't mean you can no longer be friends.
She sounds like a very insecure person who is either scared of losing you as her friend or jealous of you getting on with things and making new friends. Either way, this friendship is not good for you and it's not good for her if you let her continue behaving like this.
If you feel you can talk to her about this then do so and point out that you really value your friendship but it's hard for you to value her when she behaves like that. Maybe suggest you socialise with new friends together whilst reassuring her it's not an either/or situation.
If she still doesn't treat you right then then start making more room in your life for you and hopefully she'll eventually get the message that it's time to move on and you'll know at least you tried to do the right thing.
Good luck - you'll meet loads of new friends at Uni and Dublin is a big enough place that you can go your seperate ways if she does insist on following you.
2007-01-15 02:16:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I cannot understand why you are allowed to write [Bitching] but when i talk about my dog as a '*****' it gets scrapped. MMMM.
I would move away from this person if i were you. People like that have a negative input and you will find that in time you will think just the way she is. Move away fast and make friends with positive, happy people or you will be dragged down in the dumps with her. Not being nasty but don't tell her which uni you are going to, keep quiet and remember people judge you by the friends you keep. You might be stuck with her for the rest of your life if she can have her way. Chasing all the nice people away. Naaahhhh make a break from this person, toooo much of a downer , i'd say. Good luck and a happy smile for you.:))
2007-01-15 02:06:37 · answer #4 · answered by Duisend-poot 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is supposed to be a friend of yours?
What a nasty piece of work. She obviously hates change and takes you, her loyal friend for granted. Shes only gonna get worse if this is her attitude. She clings to you now because shes realising that you were there long before all her 'entertaining' friends were there, and you may leave her cause theyre not there now.
I think you need to get out there and make new friends, let her see you do it. Then, when she confronts you about it, show your assertive side and give her a piece of your mind. Dont hold back, and dont allow her to bully you. She may hopefully get the message that she cannot treat people this way, if she wants to get anywhere in life, she should stop being a sheep by following you and she should stop taking people for granted.
2007-01-15 02:37:12 · answer #5 · answered by The Sooz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She is simply mind-bogglingly insecure. She can't cope on her own or bear the thought of losing the safe place that you provide, but at the same time is' desperate for attention and affection so goes looking for "more entertaining" people. I don't know her background, but it sounds as if something has happened to her to cause this insecurity, and she might want to talk it through properly either with you, parents or even a therapist. If that doesn't work try smacking her in the chops and getting on with your life!!!
2007-01-15 02:10:16 · answer #6 · answered by Buckaroo Banzai 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may need a friend, but you certainly do not need a noose around your neck.
Talk to her bluntly about the situation. Ask her why she is so unhappy now, as opposed to being bubbly in the past.
Tell her you plan on making new friends whether she agrees to it or not. If she cannot take the honesty, drop her like a bad habit.
You do not need negative people in your life. Sounds like she is jealous of you.
2007-01-15 02:07:16 · answer #7 · answered by shortfrog 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi Tania
By what you say she clearly has no respect for your loyalty or friendship to her.
I guess you are a better natured person than she is & she seems to take advantage of that to use you when she wants something.
Do yourself a favour & don't be so giving to her don't volunteer help unless she specifically asks first.
Most of all have respect for yourself & don't allow yourself to be taken for granted.
Make new friends & get on & enjoy life!
Good luck for when you go to Uni your life will change then for sure!
2007-01-18 12:30:26 · answer #8 · answered by healer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her what else can u do? shes not going to change by her own free will so if u give her a kick up the backside either she will realise and change or just fall out with u but u dnt need a friend like that neway and u sud b enjoyin your years at school not hating them. but it needs sortin. xx
2007-01-15 02:06:48 · answer #9 · answered by Kimmy xx 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are old enough to make adecicion, i thinks she does not like the school that much, and she did miss her friend from the other school, so try to be understanding for a while if this continue you can go a separate way, good luck @ the university.
2007-01-18 08:41:12 · answer #10 · answered by badboyisawickedman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me that your friend is jealous of you making new friends and wants to be the centre of your attention. Exsplain to her she will always be part of your life and that she also will make new friends at university dont live your life round her things change and she might also do some growing up there dont worry it will work out.
2007-01-15 02:13:47 · answer #11 · answered by diddydinsdale 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋