Closure is needed badly...?

Question

Its been a month since my engagement broke off and I have decided to contact my ex-fiance to ask her regarding why as when she did tell me its over there was a lot of emotions flying around and not enough clear facts. I need this closure badly as my heart is severely wounded and not knowing why I have been "kicked to the curb" is even more devastating. Should I call her or email her...and whichever way I do it, what should I say to her? I still have love in my heart for her, should I even bring that up?

Answer 1

There is nothing wrong with being honest. You can call or e-mail whichever you prefer. I think calling would be more appropriate. There's also nothing wrong with needing closure. You deserve that. She owes that to you. You invested time in this relationship as well as she did and it's unfair of her to think that she can decide for the both of you that it should end without consulting you first. Be nice. Ask the questions you need answered and be prepared to move one.

Good Luck!

'-)

Answer 2

When a Man can take his time and not overreact a situation he will do good.
Patience my friend is virtue.

It's not like your gonna die though, your heart is severely wounded and I sympathize there about with you concerning the emotional stress that is upon you, but be advised, that this is only temporary and you should not let that over take your emotions elsewhere, whereas you couldn't make logical decisions.

When everything is peaches and creme life can be so wonderful. Then the storm comes and a Hurricane and destroys everything you have been building up and saving for.

A Man must be a Man about it and carefully rebuild what was lost.

Replace if you have too, but no matter what, do not let this put you down where you think your less of a Man because your not.

You will survive this and you will be stronger and wiser.

Let no one put usunder the pain that you feel any longer than necessary for you to gain your strengths and deal with this appropriately without harm to your self or others in the process of healing. Do you understand what I am saying here?

In Lamiens Terms...Chill Out!!

Answer 3

Closure is just a word someone made up for an excuse to go back and revisit past issues.

There is no closure to be had. What happens when you email her or call her and she never responds? It'll hurt worse right? Also, are you really ready to hear the true answers?

My suggestion is to let it be. Be glad it was over before marriage and then closure would require a court proceeding.

A sad hurt heart is very hard to get over, but you will heal. I promise. Rethink what she told you when she said it was over..... she told you then why. You don't need the dissected details, that will just hurt worse.

Instead, call up friends .. hang out... have a good time... your entitled to it. Go visit family. Mend the heart with the help of family and friends. You had closure, when she told you it was over... now the goal isn't closure, but instead healing.

Good luck... *big hugs*

Answer 4

Heres a kewl plan...

Get another good looking friend (Girl) to go out with you but in a pretend way. Casually be in the vicinity of where she might be nowww and again, but not too obvious. And keep in touch on a 'Let by gones be by gones' basis, then in a very casual way fish out that closure. When you do speak to her (Occasionally) speak about how her choice was really ok and that the way things worked out is really kewl for the two of you, and that if anything, your relationship helped to give you so much CLOSURE in life and that you can really look forward to the future etc etc etc... and she might just finally give it up (The closure you seek). Cos if you try what everbody says by going to speak to her (Boo Hoo) she will never ever tell you, cos you will be to her, this poor little man who looks like he'll die if ever knew the truth, so a woman most of the time won't want to bare the thought of causing some guy to totally throw his life away as a result of her breaking up with him and because she does not want to be the bad one in the break up.

So basically, Just DO NOT SHOW HER that you are dying inside.. and no body knowwwz it but you ... ahem - no better way to put it than Babyface

Answer 5

Don't bring up your feelings unless she addresses it.
Ring her up and ask her if she would meet you for coffee,tea, or whatever because you have something you would like to discuss with her and it shouldn't take long.
If she agrees then tell her the reason you invited her out was because you really need some closure. You are in a better emotional state and would like to know the true reason she broke off the engagement.

Incidentally, count yourself lucky that no matter what her reason is that she didn't wait until you were married and then you would have had a broken marriage and possibly be fighting over a child. I am sure you wouldn't have wanted your child to grow up in a divided household if you could have helped it. Think about this if she should decline your invitation. If she is too sketchy about meeting with you then ask her to talk with you over the phone about it.

Answer 6

I would call her and I don't think there is a thing wrong with asking for some good hard reasons for the break up. Ask her to think of it as a learning experience for the both of you.

As far as telling her what's in you heart you might want to test the water first. You'll know when you speak with her if she is open to hearing what you have to say on that score or not. Don't leave yourself open for more hurt if she seems unreceptive.

If you still feel the need to pour your heart out to her after the phone call you might do it in a letter. Then she isn't put on the spot and she can digest what you have to say and respond if she wishes, without obligation.

Good luck honey, I know it hurts.

Answer 7

sometimes we don't even want to know the reasons, as their reality isn't the same as ours. what they perceived the relationship to be isn't what they thought it was. and sometimes when we want to know reasons, when we hear the reasons it may hurt us more, than if we just didn't know. it's obvious that this person didn't want to be with u, or marry u, just because we still love someone, doesn't mean they still love us, and to know her reasons may hurt u even more than the breakup, because u may begin to blame yourself for it, especially if she starts telling u your faults, she won't be taking any of the blame for it, as it is easier to blame the other guy. chances are the real reason for the split was that she found someone else she liked better, nothing we can do to change it, we must just accept that for some reason it's over with. we usually get kicked to the curb, not because of anything we did, or failed to do, they just found someone else who they liked more than us. things happen for a reason, nothing just happens, and we aren't always going to understand or make sense of it. just accept it, make no contact with her, as it will only drive u deeper into depression and self blame.

Answer 8

This is something you need to do face to face, call her and ask her to meet you for coffee after work. To heal you need answers as to why she ended the engagement. Keep your emotions to your-self for now, don't expose them, she may hurt them even more. She owes you that much, as to WHY she left you. Simply ask her why she changed her mind, let her know you need an answer to move on. GL

Answer 9

First off I hope you got the ring back.

2ndly call her. She might not pick up or might not return your call. If she does not give you an answer do not harp on it as it is her loss

Answer 10

asking aint getting. Don't bring up your love for her..just ask her what happened. I wouldnt expect much answers from her but you do at least deserve closeure. G'luck!