I am 9 mon. pregnant. 3 cm dilated this is a high risk pregnancy and my loving husband asked me for a seperation and said it has nothing to do with me and the baby but everything to do with him.That he needs to find himself. He says he will be in the childrens lives 3stepdaughters, 1 bilogical (on the way.) I've been supecting of of antother woman for months now he still insits it's not. He say he doesn't want a divorce just to seperate for awhile till he finds himself. He wants to remain friends. And he still lives with me he claims he still loves me and has affecton for me but when he tried to hold me his arms literaly felt empty, so I tried to kiss him it was like kissing one of my children so I tried to give him a romantic kiss and he laughed at me in my face! This all comes one month after christams and one month before our anniversary and in the same month his only child is due. I wanna be evil and not let him in the delivery room cause you know this seperation should I ?????????
2007-01-15 00:20:45 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If it were my husband id give him the seperation...hey i would even file for the divorce and make sure he got his freedom ...let him go cause in the long run you are just gonna suffer much saddness and pain ...Why be with someone that treats you like that??take care
2007-01-15 00:27:56 · answer #1 · answered by blugeanie923 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is so hard for others to give you advice on a situation like this. You live with this man, and only you know what is going on within your 4 walls. You have a family, so it will not be as easy as some may make it sound.
I am really sorry you are going through this. The only thing I know, is - if this man wants a seperation, you really can't do anything about it. Let him go find himself.....when he does, you may discover you don't like who he finds!
As far as the delivery room goes.......I think he should be there. Regardless of what is happening between you and him, your child deserves to have a relationship with its father. Don't deny your child the bond that is formed in that delivery room. Some may disagree with me, but this isn't about you, it is about the baby. You have EVERY reason to be hurt and angry with him!!!! You may even decide that you don't want to be with him at all anymore! All I am suggesting is that you try really hard to keep the relationship that you have with him seperate from the relationship he has with his child.
Good luck to you! Whatever happens, I'm sure you will be ok!!!
2007-01-15 01:54:58 · answer #2 · answered by Kailey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm truly sorry to hear about your situation. You do have a though choice to make -- Do you have any family support? Can you afford to be alone?
If the answer is yes then let him go -- emotionally he is no longer with you by the sounds of it... If you loose the emotions the closeness than there is nothing left... You already know the answer to your question... Find happiness in his happiness which in return will bring you more happiness. I know this is a difficult concept to comprehend right now. Women know when their men cheat... they will either ignore it or just accept the reality of their situation and move forward. Focus on your newborn and your other children. Take care of yourself and all will work out. Try not to get angry or find revenge cause that would not help you in the big scheme of things. If he said he would be there for the children -- make sure he is there for them at least to help financially. Once again, take care and all the best for you.
2007-01-15 00:59:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are a few words my clients hear often and one of the is WOW! WOW!!! If he really wanted to find himself he could go down to the zoo and look in the jackass section. That's reality!
Let's break this down- His actions have obviously put you in a situation where you have to wake up to a harsh reality. Being pregnant, especially nine months along, requires your focus and attention. Add in the three children and you already have your hands full. You don't need another child!
I would advise that you tell him to find another place to look for himself. If he has another woman she can put up with his childish choices. Can you imagine welcoming a man into your home who just left his pregnant wife of nine months. Can she really imagine he won't do the same to her down the road?
My guess is he equates love to affection/sex not to commitment and unconditional love. Not only that, he seems a bit meanspirited to laugh in your face.
It is a very hard time for you to deal with reality, but based on the details presented in your question, it doesn't seem like you have much choice. He should be out and not allowed back until you both go through counseling, after the birth of the baby. It is not evil to exclude him from the delivery room, it's putting the interest of your child before your husband. You might want to ask your doctor for their opinion. Focus on your children for now and let this loser suck the life out of someone else.
2007-01-15 02:24:25 · answer #4 · answered by Blood 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is not in love with you anymore. Let him go before the baby is born. The older the child gets, the harder it will be to let him go. You both will feel obligated to stay together just for the child's sake once it gets here. There shouldn't be such a thing as a trial seperation. Either you love someone or you don't. Trust me, you do not want to stay in a marriage where you so not share the same feelings as your partner. It will make you both miserable, not to mention very hard on the children.
Let him go. You will be okay.
2007-01-15 00:40:24 · answer #5 · answered by finallyfree 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you haven't reported why you wannt a separation and that i'm for this reason presuming that simply by his severe artwork load you likely sense ignored truly...comprehensible. I imagine he's truly drained even as abode and also you fairly ought to get very lonely. in my opinion i'd advise you're taking a seat and exam your emotions. He won't be able to be so undesirable, he works puzzling to pay for all prices and his relatives and also you do not document that there is any violece so i'm guessing there is none. Your children would bypass over thier Father...you are able to remorseful about leaving. Can he no longer bypass with you, would it not likely be more low-cost for you all to flow. long island is so severe priced . I favor you nicely.
2016-10-31 03:50:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
give him what he wants, as u can't stop him anyway, he has met someone else, and wants to be with her. it has nothing to do with u, it is him. he doesn't want a divorce yet, but as soon as the other woman begins making demands, and giving him ultimatums, it isn't that far away. his heart isn't with u, it's with her, been there done that, and all we can do is let them go even if we hurt, which we will. he laughed at u the same way my ex laughed at me when i asked him to go to counseling to restore our marriage. got to just let whatever is going on just be, as we have no control over anyone but ourselves. there is a certain loss of control when it happens to us, we really don't know what to do, we are torn and want to believe we are still loved, but when we think this, we are in denial, and as long as we fail to see the truth, we can't heal, move on, or do anything. so sorry i know exactly how u feel. seek some therapy, sometimes we will never understand why it happens to us, especially when we were being the best wife we knew how to be, but sometimes even that doesn't matter when there is someone else pulling him away.
2007-01-15 02:30:50 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not being flippant when I say this- NO ONE would who truly loved you would leave you in the state you are in. Wild horses couldn't drag them from your side. What in hell does "find" oneself really mean? That is nonsense. Why do you call him "loving husband"? He doesn't sound very loving to me. He wants to leave and "find" himself and that doesn't seem to include you or the family. What would happen if you were to take off right now to "find" yourself? Who would care for the kids?I think you need to get all of your finances in order and find a lawyer to protect yourself and your baby. Act quickly. If he hits the road, it will be harder to take care of business. Oh, I am sure he doesn't want a divorce. He can just disappear and not pay any child support. Don't act on emotions and keep your head. You have to really assess your life right now and get things together for yourself and the sake of your baby.
2007-01-15 00:34:29 · answer #8 · answered by Alexandriagal 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You poor girl. This man is a coward and a selfish creep. To leave you at this time in your life is inexcusable. Concentrate on your health and the babies. The pain he has caused you will never go away even if he changes his mind. In your mind you will never be able to trust that he will be there no matter what. I get that men get scared but this is not the way to deal with it. If you are strong enough to be done with this guy then keep him out he gave up the right to be in there. My thoughts are with you best of luck my friend.
2007-01-15 00:33:04 · answer #9 · answered by noddy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
get rid of this scum bag. He has 0 ability for others feeling. He is dirt. He is the low life of the earth. Tell him to get lost while he is trying to find himself.
It sounds like he has been cheating on you and now he wants you to go along with him on the separation so he has "permission" to do it, and if it don't work out you are supposed to be there waiting for him.
Loving husband is not synonamous with dirt, scum or low life. You need to get rid of this guy and get all you can out of him. He should have to live under a bridge for the rest of his life. May be he could meet someone he deserves there.
2007-01-15 00:56:00 · answer #10 · answered by The 5 pound Robin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋