Should I go on a second date..... because i feel bad...?

Question

I dont normally do charity work.... but in this case i really have to do some thing .... I feel that i have lead this girl on ......

I had really lovely conversations on the phone and we emailed each other all the time....

But when i finally met her ...... I felt a bit dissapointed.....
We had a lovely time on our date and she is so clever....and I love to talk to her .....but i am sooo picky that I have pretty much ruled her out .....

Half of me thinks this is the right thing to do and the other half is disgusted that i could be so shallow.....

She wants to see me again ..... and says that I am the lovelyest man she has ever met..... I just cant bring my self to hurt her feelings.....

What should I do.....?

Answer 1

You sound very nice and respectful of others feelings. I don't believe in pretending there is chemistry if there isn't. I think it would be best if you told her you didn't feel the spark but really like to talk to her. Better to hurt her alittle now than alot later.

Answer 2

Hi Fox Hunter, You ask a good question. It's a very positive thing for you that you acknowledge the fact that being "picky" is shallow. It is, however, we are all 'entitled' to our "types". It's hard to be with someone you're not physically attracted to. Don't be TOO hard on yourself. The fact is, you have the right idea. As hard as it's gonna be, it's wrong to lead this girl on. I don't know how old you are, but I must tell you this. In my experience, and EVERYONE I know as well, looks are completely irrelevant when looking for a serious relationship. I've been with plenty of hot guys, and after a minute, most of them bore me. I ended up marrying a man completely not my type 'physically.' Our personalities blended. It's far more important to enjoy ones companionship. A pretty ***** gets tired FAST. You'll see. If you enjoy this girls friendship so much, it's probably worth trying to get over the "looks" thing. Good luck, I know you'll do the right thing.

Answer 3

Beauty and looks are skin deep and they all fade away quickly. What matters is the inside. However, I also understand that attraction is very important. I think you need to be real with yourself and ask yourself, do you want a "perfect 10" who's a complete bimbo, or do you want someone with substance. Someone who you can hold an intellectual conversation with? I don't think you would be feeling bad if you didn't feel some kind of attraction to this person. Not a physical attraction but a intellectual and soul connection. At the end of the day, I rather be with a person because of who they are and how they make me feel when I'm around them rather than being with a "super stud" who is full of themselves and acts like the world is his. Why not give this person a second chance? Are you afraid of what other people might think of you?

Answer 4

let her down easy.. don't talk 2 her as much on the comp.. maybe once a week.. after a few weeks, make it once every few weeks.. she's gonna ask why and you tell her you've been busy.. some people will take the hint.. others have 2 be hit in the head with a brick : ) the old saying,, be true 2 yourself, before you can be true 2 others.. she isn't your style, move on.. you two could always go out 4 coffee once a month.. adding dinner, would sound 2 romantic.. call it a catch up meeting and not a date.. after about an hour, end the meeting..

Answer 5

If this is the same woman in your other question with eczema, I think you need to tell her you are a nut case and then you need to go visit with a psychiatrist to examine why you are so morbidly bound up in physical perfection that normal human conditions repulse you.

Eczema, for crying out loud! Good grief!

I think you need to consider that anyone, no matter how physically perfect, could wind up crippled or scarred or something through no fault of their own, be it a car accident, a random illness, or some other cause. If you get seriously involved with anyone, and then something happens, what are you going to do, walk away?

Everything you've said about this woman sounds wonderful. It sounds like you "get" each other. I hope for your sake that she can accept that you're morally deficient and will want to be your friend despite your emotional eczema.

Answer 6

I think you should tell her immediately. You never know she may be relieved. She may be thinking the same as you. As for being shallow, well yes, a bit, but at least you've recognised that. Just don't be too sure that she doesn't feel like she has to do some charity work. Remember, the longer you drag it on the more problems it can cause. Good luck

Answer 7

If there is no chemistry then do NOT go on a second date and be up front with her that you don't feel the same way. Be honest and maybe you two can remain friends. If you're not honest you will only hurt her and then there will be no chance of having her as a friend at all. No one wants to be lied to or led on.

Answer 8

naughty, naughty. You led her on. I would write her a very long email and be very gentle with her. I would also suggest you start writing a lengthy apology for leading her on.

You may have your sights set to high on the physical aspects of a person, and you may not like what she looks like, yet, she could be the best woman for you.

Yes, you are one very shallow individual. I hope you find that trophy wife and realize what a miserable life she'll give you, but atleast she'll look good.

Answer 9

1. Never use the word "lovely" again (in any form)
2. Be honest with her. Maybe you could just go out and have fun together. Not everything has to end up in a relationship.

Answer 10

If you were worried about leading her on before, wouldn't a second date just be adding salt to the wound? Be honest. It may be better for her to also know why you aren't asking her out again. This may give her closure instead of wondering about all the "if only's".