What do you do with your partner if he is a bad drunk?

Question

My problem is that my partner is a lovely man, until he drinks.
I have stopped going out because of this. I want to, but he wont drink coke and it is a downward spiral from there. He starts off with good intentions then gets another drink, then another and sometimes two at a time, then he buys a bottle of wine from the bar "to save money" so on until he gets hurtful to me and does not come home at times and is rude to be with. Tried all approaches such as him getting help at AA, he went once. He only drinks at wkends, but it ruins my sat/sun most weeks if we go out. Help please from people who know what I mean

Not married or living together. Both 28. No kids. He has been like this since 15

Answer 1

Honey, been there. He is not going to change until and if he figures out for himself he has a problem.
Only you can decide if that is how you want to live, and when enough is enough.
Good luck.

Answer 2

I've dated a bad drunk. Coming home late from the bar...breaking everything in the house. And if there was nothing to break, it would get turned on me. You have already tried two options, talking to him and asking him to get help at AA. And if he has been like this since 15 and he is 28...it's going to be hard. Keep pushing him to go to those AA classes. Or on weekends instead of him going to the bars, find something else to do that doesn't involve drinking. Make sure there is no alcohol or anything in your house so when he comes over there is nothing to drink. And if none of these options work or he is not really trying to do. I'm sorry sweetie, I know you love him, but you can't have a bad drunk coming home all the time hurting you. So you need to sit him down and tell him, it's either me or the alcohol.

Good luck and I hope everything works out.

Answer 3

Unfortunately it sometimes takes something drastic or bad to happen before they "get it". He has to be the one to decide to get help. Try to get him back to AA and also you should go to AlAnon which is a support group for families and friends of alcoholics. They may be able to help you with information. Tell him how much his drinking is affecting your life as well as his. Offer to go to AA with him.....for both of you. My nephew and his wife have been going through this but happily, he hasn't had a drink in 3 months. They also went to counseling. I think it's time to tell him that you love him and if he loves you and what you have together he is going to have to stop the drinking because it is hurting you and your relationship. It takes work on both parts but you can do it and be very successful and much happier. Good luck.

Answer 4

You should stop Seeeing him when he drinks.
Tell him that you do not like to se him drunk when you are together. If he still drinks anything, tell him that you don't like it and leave!

If this does not help you need to urge him to go to a professional. If your relationship mean anything to him, he should try to change. He has probably not developed a serious alcoholism yet, so it is stoppable. Which mean that in the future you two could go out for a glass of wine, and enjoy it.

I dont think htat you should leave him for this, if you can work it out together you will bond, and get closer!

Answer 5

What's up i'm Charles and from experience of the situation i'm tell u this, a person that is like that who just likes to get drunk to the point where he's ****** up there's no helping them because u can't talk to a drunk but when he sobers up and is good again all u can do is try to talk to him to see if he will go to the aa classes, if not u gotta let him be because u can't talk to someone that doesn't want help. I'm not talkin bout leavin him i'm talkin bout letting him try to be a man bout it because if ya'll are together and he really loves u, u should be his inspiration to stop doing the things he's doing that if he really truely cared, u feel me...

Answer 6

Stephanie, there is a friend of mine that drinks alcohol and allot of it daily. Even though, he is a drunk, he never disrespects women or men. He is as gentle as can be most of the time at least around other people and they know he is drinking.

If your partner cannot control himself when he is drinking your;'re going to have to tell him that you cannot be around him in public if he is going to make a Ostrich of himself. It's the only way at this point.
It's all up to him to make that change or you change it for him.

Answer 7

Thank goodness you are not married. Now is the time to walk away as hard as it sounds. Things will never get better only worse. He needs help but only he can do it. There is nothing worse than living with a drunk.

Answer 8

You have wasted many years of your life with this person, he's not going to change. It's time you dump this jerk. I can't believe you have wasted so many years of your life on this jerk.

I have a friend that was married to a guy like this. She finally gave up after 30 years and divorced him. He wanted his booze more than her. She remarried and is happier now than at any time in her life.

You are still young, and now it's time to move on and find someone else.

Answer 9

until he's ready to stop he won't and your life won't get better. tell him its either you or the drinking, if he loves you and wants a better life he will choose you...if not then you need to move on. you can't save him and he's not a lovely man all the time even when he doesn't drink. his drinking controls his and your life, its not jsut the getting drunk he probably spends a lot of money an dtime on this disease.

Answer 10

Unfortunately, you can't help anyone who doesn't want to be helped. Painful and hard as it is, I think you must move on. Does he remember his behavior after he sobers up? If not maybe you could video him at his "finest" and then show it to him when he's sober. Bottom line though, if I were you I would walk away and find someone who isn't a alcoholic.