Why are you all so scared to have children? I just read hundreds of emails from women who's husband keep putting them off about when to have kids, even though they are over 30, some of them with fibroids! What are you all so scared of?
2007-01-14 17:44:48 · 22 answers · asked by Cheyne 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
These men who don't want to have kids, don't want to adopt either. These women just want to be a mommy, and the husband is denying them this deep seated need...
2007-01-14 18:01:44 · update #1
Some of you all brought out some interesting points. My only arguement would be that a woman only has until about 40-45 then she can no longer have a natural child.Considering most responsible women don't start really wanting kids until 25, that is only a 15-20 year window in which a natural desire is calling in a woman's heart. I think that the women who really ache for a children will be good moms. I think it is insensitive for a husband of whom you did discuss having children prior to marriage to change his mind and tell his wife "I don't want any now" or to wait so long there are complications or the woman can no longer can get pregnant!
Yes, it is a big responsibility. But I think that you should not have gotten married in the first place if you were not willing to have that responsibility, too!
2007-01-15 02:01:02 · update #2
Men are simply scared, of responsibilties, of not able to provide or they may simply think of themselves when they were young or their childhood. They may have had a bad experience with the parents.
Be patience, make them slowly realise the joy of having a family and an assurance that the child will be jointly taken care by both of you.
Good Luck
2007-01-14 18:06:44 · answer #1 · answered by sonisunny 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There's two sides to every story. Parenthood is a lifetime commitment to not only care for your child but to also put their non-negotiable needs before your own. Perhaps the men in your examples are in bad relationships and simply want to avoid having a child with someone they're not sure they'll still be married to in a few years. Or what if there are financial problems in the relationship? One too many children has put many families in jeopardy due to the added financial strain. Also, maybe these men simply aren't done with the childless portion of their lives. Remember, men have a different perspective on the matter because, though our potency may decrease as we age, we can father children well into old age. There's no built in biological clock to get us thinking about when to have kids. There's a number of reasons why a man could be "scared" of having kids. That the couple is on different sides of that question is symptomatic of other problems within the relationship. In fact, the question of whether or not people want kids is the kind of discussion couples should have before getting married.
2007-01-15 02:33:03 · answer #2 · answered by Clayton B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is not just a male thing, as we are seeing with the growing segment of our female population who are single and without kids. I see them every week in my taxi. They have their pets and that is all they need.
This is something that should have been made clear at the beginning of a marriage, but I also can see where this may also be a result of so many men raised fatherless. So often they see where they were denied access to their fathers. A study done by the US Dept of Health and Human services showed that 60% of divorced fathers will be denied access to their children within six months, and will lose all contact within five years. I should note that the study only covered three states. It was to be a 50 state study, but its intent was to show that men don't really care to spend time with their children. When the early results showed just the opposite, the remainder of the funding was yanked.
This can be a problem if the male contraceptive pill is ever developed. Here's an article on it.
http://www.glennsacks.com/do_women_really.htm
2007-01-15 02:21:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
True, children are a great responsibility...but then so is everything else in life. If your bf doesn't want to commit to kids, ask him if he would commit to marriage whiteout kids? Kids or no, marriage is a tremendous responsibility. Some women choose to have kids with or without a man. You can too. Try telling the bf you want his kids but won't hold him to any responsibility if he will deny paternity...that might get an interesting response. Everything in life is a responsibility, jobs, marriage, kids, buying a house. Life is all about trusting in yourself and taking chances. Tell him to take a chance. Others have and somehow the race is still around.
2007-01-15 02:31:27 · answer #4 · answered by judgebill 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm a woman and I don't want kids either. I don't think it's being scared that is the problem at least with myself and the men I've dated and my lover. Thing is, both myself and my lover (who's a man) simply do not like the fact that the world is so over populated and that for many breeding is infact morally wrong. If we wanted kids, we'd adopt one of the unwanted, unloved and abused children out there that is being ignored because a) he or she is not a newborn or the 'right colour' and therefore undesirable for adoption and b) too many people need the power trip that having their 'own' baby produces as if that baby isn't it's own person.
2007-01-15 01:52:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Responsibility is the correct answer, as mentioned earlier. To add to that; It is responsibility to the nth degree. For a lifetime. Men and women SHOULD make serious consideration to have kids or not with lots of conversation BEFORE conception. I believe that children can be the biggest reward on earth, but only if you are prepared for them. So, this is what men who think critically are scared of: Having children, but not being prepared for them.
2007-01-15 02:11:17 · answer #6 · answered by X me Out 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have 3 children that I adore so phuck you all who say "men" don't want the responsibility.
Adopt???..who are you?,Angelina Jolie? Dream on pie-hole. I have know 3 couples who have done this and they are happy to have children but said they would never go through that process again.
Irresponsibility? Save that for the teenagers and crack-head moms. So a guy choses not to want offspring. That is responsible in my opinion instead of wagging his weinie in every womans uterus.
Children are yours for life. That is a huge decision to make and quite frankly the wrong decision by some who have made it.
2007-01-15 02:33:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
It is because we realise how important a job being a father is. It is not about being adverse to responsibility. We have many responsibilities. But if we screw this one up, it has terrible consequences.
I don't think women take it as seriously. They just want a baby because they want it. That is why there are so many babies without fathers.
We fear out of respect for the job.
2007-01-15 02:09:33 · answer #8 · answered by g g 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think about it? In today's World some men don't want to bring a child into this misery but, some don't care whatsoever. There are some that don't want that responsibility because, they're not ready for it. Myself, I have two wonderful sons by my ex and my girlfriend wants to have my child which would be her first. I am 37 and she is 26 so, why there's still lead in the pencil I'll write!
2007-01-15 01:53:10 · answer #9 · answered by saturn man 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh, I dunno. Something about being directly responsible for every need of another human being(s) for the next twenty years or so. I think people that jump into this without giving it much thought wind up making screwed up little kids. It really takes a lot of work to raise kids right, and I wanted to be ready to do it right.
2007-01-15 02:04:45 · answer #10 · answered by James B 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋