How many birdesmaids & groomsmen (besides the m.o.h and best man) are typical at a wedding? Does my future sister-in-law HAVE to be one of them? my guy and me both strongly dislike the way his sister treats us and is jealous of us finding true love before her, and if she has to be invited, I want an excuse as to why we cant use her in the party. Also, if we are paying for it alone, is it safe to tell meddling parents to butt out? (nicely of course!)
2007-01-14 16:57:24 · 18 answers · asked by overwhelmed85 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Not to be rude, but it's your wedding, and if you are paying for it, then what you say goes. Don't be a bridezilla, but you can have whoever you want for your day.
You do not need to rationalize or justify anything to anyone. This is the way are having it...end of story. If people try to butt in, just say, thank you for your imput...*insert gooms name here* and I will talk about it, and then say you decided on something else.
2007-01-14 17:01:35 · answer #1 · answered by Jen-Jen 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've often thought that if a couple can survive planning a wedding, that the actual marriage would have to be a success. I believe that it is up to the bride how many attendants she would like and also whom she would like. It is acceptable to have more groomsmen or ushers, depending on what you call them than bridesmaids. As far as those meddling parents, they will continue to be that way going forward in your marriage. You may want to explain your reasons for doing things your way. Chances are, they will still have an opinion. So, just do what you want anyway and ignore them. They'll find out the day of that you have done exactly what you wanted. It may just be easier to elope. It's romantic. You could save yourself a lot of time and money, not to mention family grief and combine a honeymoon and marriage. I had a beautiful wedding, but the whole day was a blur. Bottom line, it's more important for you to be happy than anyone else. It is your wedding, not theirs. BTW, there are some excellent books on wedding etiquette. I'm sure the authors have answered questions about annoying relatives of all types. So as not to add to the expense, your library will carry them. Congrats and Best Wishes!
2007-01-14 17:21:30 · answer #2 · answered by Loki 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You only need one bridesmaid and the grooms best man.
You do not have to have several bridesmaids and groomsmen.
Some people when it comes to family where there are poor feelings, chose to have no formal reception line at the reception. WHY? Because then the bride and groom don't have to ask for bridesmaids and grooms men, beyond one of each. The bridesmaid to help the woman and the guys bestman. The bride and groom during the reception just mingle to mean people, in place of a formal reception line.
Be careful though about what you say and do with new family; bad feelings within family often can break a new marriage apart.
As for telling the meddling parents to butt out in a nice way, good luck.
If you and he are paying for everything, just say to everyone, including the parents. We have already decided what we want, how we are going to do it and we are paying for it ourself and we ask that no more suggestions be give. Will ask for help when and where we need it, if needed.
You have to be connected to his family for as long as you are married, be careful what you say and do, without allowing others to mistreat you.
2007-01-14 17:09:47 · answer #3 · answered by Mountain Bear 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have heard 1 attendant on each side per 50 people at the wedding. I think you can have more than that though. I went to an 75 person wedding with 6 attendants each, and I must admit, that was a bit much.
You do not have to include her as a bridesmaid if she has not treated you well. If you do ask her, it may be a way to extend an olive branch though. Consider asking her, but giving her a way out if she doesn't want to, or possibly asking her to have another role (reader, guest book attendant, etc). Heck, if she's really that awful, don't include her at all, although be prepared for her to be even more upset.
If you're paying, ask your parents for advice/suggestions, but make it clear that the final say is yours!
2007-01-15 02:42:04 · answer #4 · answered by khy8w2004 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If neither of you want the sister in the party, than you don't need to give her an excuse. It's YOUR wedding, and only the people that you want should act as bridesmaids.
The amount of bridesmaids/groomsmen usually, but not always, depend on the size of the wedding.
And yes, since you're paying, all decisions are ultimately yours to make, despite parents desires.
2007-01-14 17:02:19 · answer #5 · answered by Missing 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to include sis-in-law as a BM, but maybe ask her to do a reading or something instead, so she feels involved.
For a small wedding usually only 1-2 attendants each side. For a larger wedding 4-6 each side is the norm. Also, sides do NOT have to match (# of attendants each side).
You should consider your parents opinions on a few items that you really don't care that much about, but which they do. Yes, it's your wedding, but it's also about joining and honoring family. Be assertive, but don't be a control freak in every little detail.
2007-01-15 11:17:45 · answer #6 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know of a typical number. I had four on each side (including moh and best man).
I don't think you should invite anyone to be in your wedding party if you don't sincerely want them to be a part of it. Maybe you could ask her to do the guestbook or something.
Although you have to decide if not having her in the wedding is worth any flack you might have to listen to or drama it may cause.
And yes, you are allowed to tell parents to butt out. If they aren't paying for it, politely thank them for their advice, and tell them you've already make the decisions regarding the flowers, food, whatever. Just remember, it's your wedding!
Good Luck!
2007-01-14 17:10:01 · answer #7 · answered by redhead77 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The purpose of bridesmaids traditionally is to help the bride prepare for their big day. It doesnt sound like your future sis will be much help and therefore will not be needed. However, you might regret it later on if you dont invite her to the wedding at all. Simply make it clear to everyone that this day is about celebrating your love and if thats not what they plan on doing you'd rather them stay home. Congratulations!
2007-01-14 17:28:26 · answer #8 · answered by daydreambelievr03 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are no right or wrong numbers to have, I am not having any bridesmaids when I (eventually) get married, and my b/f intends to have 2 best men, just choose the people who are near and dear to you, really good friends who will support you on your day. You most certainly do not have to have his sister, although this could cause more bad feeling, but if she is neither loving or supportive of you, then she really does not fit the role. Just tell your parents that you are busy making arrangements just now, listen to their suggestions, but stick very firmly to what you want!
2007-01-14 22:46:13 · answer #9 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's YOUR day.
Not your parents'
Not his parents'
Certainly not the nasty soon to be sister-in-law's
Do as you please, invite the guests you want there, you do not need an excuse not to have his sister in YOUR wedding. If she has the balls to ask you why she was not invited into the wedding party just say to her that based on her treatment of the two of you, you assumed she was unhappy about your upcoming wedding and you want happy people in the wedding party.
That's it. If she pushes and fakes a big smile and says "Oh noooo, I am soooooo happy for you...." then just say, "You dont' know how much that means to us. Thanks. We'll be excited to have you as a guest at our wedding."
Then leave it at that.
Be the bigger person always.
2007-01-14 17:04:51 · answer #10 · answered by ssssss 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋