What do you think?

Question

Well my mom and her sister got into a huge huge fight and have not spoken to each other in a year. Recently my aunt emailed me asking if me and my sisters can get together sometime to catch up. I told her I am pretty busy with college and work but I'd let her know when I could. I wasn't sure what to do, because I'd feel akward with just my aunt and my sisters because I am so used to our family being together and stuff for holidays but people told me I should see her everything. I told my mom about it and she seemed pretty hacked off. She's like If you cared about me you wouldn't go see her. I'm like Mom that's stupid she is my aunt and I'd like to see her besides this is between you and her and I am NOT getting involved she's like yeah right I am sure you'll go and talk behind my back with her. I am like No! I'm like I think you should know about it, it would be wrong to not tell you. Shes like nobody cares about me. I am like that is not true she's like yes it is nobody shows me it if you cared about your mother you wouldn't want anything to do with her. I think that's really bogus of my mom to be like that. I like my aunt and I'd like to see her I shouldn't have to never see her again my aunt did not do anything to me so why should I hold it against her. What do you all think??

Thank you everyone for your input I appreciate it! To me family is very important and your right life really is too short to hold grudges against family members. Sure nobody is perfect and we all have quarrels (sp?) but you forgive and move on. My mom says she did nothing wrong so she shouldn't have to apologize. That I agree with because my aunt did come at her pretty hard and my mom even tried to invite her up a few times and sent hoilday cards and everything it's my aunt who isn't responding so. I think they're both stubborn. I told my mom plenty of times they should get together and talk it out but she's like I have nothing to say to her. She is in the wrong. Its just irritating to me!

Answer 1

Tell your aunt that you love her and would like to see her but your mother will feel betrayed if you do and you want to be loyal to your mom. Ask her for suggestions on how you can handle this. (No, you will not see her secretly because this would hurt your mother even more if she found out and you do not want to feel as though you are doing something wrong by seeing her)
Tell your mom that you love her very much and would never do anything to hurt her but you really love and miss your aunt. Ask her for suggestions on how you can handle this without tearing your heart out.
Try to emphasize to both of them your feelings without judging who is right or wrong in the argument. My guess is one or both of them will be willing to make concessions for your sake. They probably miss each other terribly but both are too proud to admit it.

Answer 2

You are for sure right. Your Aunt and you should be able to have a relationship . Do not wait for any ones approval.

I am 52 years old and my Mom started a terrible hate trip after my father died. (Really mean untrue things)She has the attitude your Mother has an tells my sisters and niece the same thing.

My Mom just seems to love arguing and turmoil. Somehow she just loves discord and anger and refuses to do anything about it .

I continue to reach out but sometimes people waste their whole lives being miserable and unhappy and they bring everybody down with them.
This was 15 years ago now and they are all sickly and depressed and divorced from following her way of life. I reach out to all of them and still send cards, flowers and call sometimes.
I have no children and happily married and what a waste that we could not be a family.
My niece gets so much static from communicating with me when we bump into each other.
Her Mother, my sister is so sick and depressed from years of this poison. Everyday we have is important. I do not want to waste a day that is not happy and positive.
Do not waste anymore time. Have a relationship with your Aunt and let them know everyone has their own individual choices in life and domineering everyone else is not the thing to do.

Answer 3

You're old enough to make your own decisions--you're like 18 or older probably and I think that you need to tell your mom that. Tell her that people care about her and how you wouldn't talk behind her back and she should trust you on that. Get your sisters to tell your Mom the same too. I personally think that if a person wants to see their aunt then they have the right to do so. You are VERY right, your aunt did NOT to do anything to you so you have no reason to hold a grudge against her.

So, just go see your aunt whenever you want and if your Mom gets mad at you, tell her how you feel and if she doesn't understand-then don't worry about it. Hopefully your Mom will realize that life is too short to be holding grudges against people-especially family.

All the best!!

Answer 4

Yeah, your mom is paranoid or something. Or maybe she knows she really lost that argument. Anyway, she's being self-centered and you should go anyway - maybe you can tell your mom explicitly that you are loyal to her (she's your mom after all) so you will report back on everything that is said. And then if your mom does become a topic, try to stick up for her and either change the subject, or say that you wish your aunt would make reconciliatory gestures to your mom for your sake and your sisters'.

Answer 5

I agree with you tell your mom to save the guilt trips and to resolve whatever issue she may have with the sister and you go see your aunt if your aunt brings anything up about your mom tell her that you came here to catch up not to talk about the fight between her and the mom so be strong and go see your aunt

Answer 6

you are obviously on the right track. your mom and my mom are actually going through the same thing. my mom's being too paranoid over college work! =p anyway, mothers really have the tendency to be too paranoid especially when it comes to their children. of course they're thinking of your safety and security,one of which only she can give. anyway, it's alright to see your aunt. trust me. and it's really wise of you to tell your mom how you feel about her situation with her sister. soon enough, your mother would reflect on what you said and that there's nothing wrong with you seeing your aunt, and that maybe you might provide a window of opportunity of patching things up between them. right?:) so for right now, just understand your mom. i mean, she is your mom after all. just tell her the things your doing with your aunt. keep her posted. but make sure that you're not trying to make her jealous over your aunt. also, always make it clear to your mother that you're with your aunt for fun, just to be with her, and that YOU ARE OUT OF THEIR CONFLICT. okay? it's impossible for her not to understand that. :) Good luck! :)

Answer 7

You are doing the right thing. Your mom should be proud of you.

Just an example, if parents get divorced - kids should still keep relationship with both parents. Kids shouldn't have to side with either parent. Parents should encourage their children to love and stay close with either one of them, and not using their emotional baggage on the children.

Answer 8

personally, i think you should go see your aunt. like you said, your aunt didnt do anything to you. its between her and your mother. and besides, you havent seen her in such a long time. it would be nice to finally see her again.

Answer 9

I think your mom & aunt should get together & talk,,maybe they can agree to disagree & get on with it.

Answer 10

I think that you should go, and get them 2 back together and try to fix it! I had something similar happen!