How do I stop thinking about him so I can get on with my current relationship?

Question

I've tried to keep myself busy with things, but it's not working.

I became very close with a guy, then inevitably developed deeper feelings for him. This wouldn't be a problem, except for the fact that I'm in a serious relationship already. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years. New Year's Eve, my friend and I kissed. To make matters worse, he and my boyfriend have been very close friends for a very long time.

The "friend" and I decided to stop talking so that I can work things out with my boyfriend. However, if I can't stop thinking about the friend, things will never get better in my relationship. What can I do? I need to get him out of my head. Help!

Answer 1

If you aren't living with your BF, then you have the advantage of already being somewhere where you can spend some serious time to yourself and reflect on what you really want. Those feelings of excitement that are keeping your feet off the ground and keeping you thinking of the other guy are not feelings of love. It's the mystery and the fantasy of it all. You need time to think clearly about your current relationship, the quality of it, etc, and about what you want in your life and how realistic it is to achieve it. Focus on you. It's your life. Do only what feels right for you, or at least what doesn't feel wrong.

Answer 2

Not a good plan to be "kissing" anyone when you've had a boyfriend for 2 1/2yrs...let alone his "friend for a long time' ...dang... Not sure what you can do to stop thinking about him...especially if your b/friend and him are friends, you'll be seeing his friend* at times...which will make things awkward for you all. If it was a one time "kiss"...hopefully HE won't mention it to your b/friend...but if you're 'kissin" someone else especially on new years eve......tells me that perhaps you're not as interested in your relationship anymore....somethings gone off track* Try to figure out what that is and work on that. Goodluck*

Answer 3

Well is simple, you are no longer inlove with your boyfriend, other wise you wouldn't be in this situation. So if I where you I will your boyfriend. And move on, but you are in a bad position cause you say that your friend is his friend also so you might not have a chance there either, so ultimatly you can end up alone. So is it up to you to be a lovesless realtionship ar alone for a while until you find the one.

Answer 4

Hmmm... maybe you're having doubts about your current relationship? If you truly want to work out your current relationship keep the space. But I think it's messed up that you and your friend are having all these passionate feelings and have kissed behind your man's back. Either dump the dude you're with and get with your friend or dump the friend. Truly only time will tell who you really want.

Answer 5

A common challenge. An unwanted memory. It seems his memory is very strong and maybe you have many associations based on many experiences with him. You have a void and until you evict his memory and break the associations you will experience this challenge. You must replace the memories you have with him with new ones, stronger. You must create new associations with new love. Until you replace the old memory will reside and keep coming up like a pop-up add on the internet. Delete and replace. Make comics, cartoons, or things you don't like with old love associations. In addition whenever you have good, pleasant funny loving thought also think of your new love to create new associations. Let go and replace. Good luck.

Answer 6

NO i do not imagine you want to have sex to keep up a relationship. I actual have proved it. sex is the bonus in a relationship. And the reason I say you do not ought to have sex is because I actual have VVS. Vulvar Vestibulitis Syndrome. 15% of girls have this and maximum do not recognize it. it truly is discomfort for the time of sex. My husband and that i did not have sex for YEARS. yet we are so close and and satisfied. Oddly sufficient our happiness has surpassed the expectancies we initially had. I also stumbled on that not having sex made extra time for communication. the inspiration for a relationship is friendship. each thing else... all the ranchy dirty sex lol... that is a perk. that is the icing on the cake.

Answer 7

You have feelings for both guys, right? so most people would say pick. but i say no way... you need to work it out with your boy friend, if you know he's not the right guy, then end it, it's going to ruin the relationship with the friend and your boyfriend if you give him (boyfriend) false hopes. if you really like the friend, telll him. Most likley the boy friend wont get that worked up about it, and if he does, you were right to end it.

Answer 8

I know it's hard to stop a relationship that's been going on for so long, but I think it's time. It seems like this friend is more than a friend. I'd break it off with your boyfriend without telling him, and then casually ease into the other relationship. It's immoral, but the easiest solution. Let's be honest for a second.

Answer 9

pause and feel which one is your true love. ask your self If you can be more happy on a new relationship think it 100 times. Make your decision carefully. I know its to hard to decide coz your situation right now is my situation too. Don't know which one I choose my ex or my present. The best suggestion I can make right now is observe and feel it which one is the best and deserving for your heart.

Answer 10

Been there. It's not easy to do but it is possible. You need to tell yourself to stop thinking about him and then do it. Other than that it's going to take more time. Like months before it's a thing of the past.