For peeps who are waiting/believe in sex only after Marriage?

Question

I'm 23 yrs old and had my first time when I was 19. I came from a Christian household and was always told it was wrong. That didn't stop me from using my free-will and choosing what I thought was best.
Alot of people ask the quesion of, "is it right to have sex before marriage". Most people are of either mind...either its ok, or its totally wrong.
So for those of you who think its wrong, for whatever reason..(Religion mostly! or health concerns, etc.)
Do you think people should get married just to have sex?
I mean, you want all the 18+ up girls and boys to just wait it out?
Ok so let's say ur 20, a virgin, desperate to have the experience so you just run out and marry the first guy who asks you?
That can't be right either.

And oh, the notion of saving it so that you'll have commitment is just bull poop in my opinion. A guy can divorce you as easily as dump you and then you'll have still given it up.

Why should some saying "your married" suddenly make sex alright?

I know this is long and its more than one quesion, but please put together some really cognitive ideas. I really want to know that the rationaliaton of this is?

Answer 1

My husband and I married over 30 years ago -- the middle of the 70's. We were one of the few couples we knew who were both virgins on our wedding day. Virgin or not virgin does not seem to predict which marriage has lasted and which has not. Nor has it predicted who would be happily together.

What's more important is that you have a sexual relationship that is about bonding and expressing your commitment to eachother.

Sex that is about satisfying yourself and using the other person -- inside or outside of marriage -- is always wrong.

Relationships that are based on honor -- sexual, economic, social -- these are the relationships that show a mutual friendship, trust, support. If only married people knew how to do this more consistently, our divorce rate would be low.

Answer 2

You were saying, why should some saying "your married" suddenly make sex alright?

I'm asking you, "why would you want a confirmation that what you're doing - having sex before marriage is OK? You said so yourself that it's your free will and you chose what you thought was best. So it doesn't make a difference what Christians have to tell you anyway.

I assume you read the bible.
Hebrews 13:4
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

As for your comments, "And oh, the notion of saving it so that you'll have commitment is just bull poop in my opinion. A guy can divorce you as easily as dump you and then you'll have still given it up. Why should some saying "your married" suddenly make sex alright?"

I can tell you this, "It's not so much about the other person didn't commit to the marriage - it's whether you honor God and His word. You can be conformed to world’s view or you can obey God."

Answer 3

I'm a Christian, too, and I think the whole marriage thing should be done only with truly loving couples. I've seen divorce everywhere and I hate it. Marriage isn't something to be rushed, it's to be had when you both decide that you guys can be together for the rest of your lives. Being married means one s3x partner, and that means it's ok, because you will have children. keeping your virginity would be one of the best gifts you could give to your husband, but if your husband really loves you, he can accept that your already ruined. People shouldn't get married JUST to have s3x, though. that's just wrong and immoral. go look at pron or something if you want or get some s3x toys. IF you've decided that you WILL have s3x before marriage, it shouldn't be one night stands, it should be with someone you trust and love and won't distance themselves from you. also, plx NO BABIES before marriage!!! important!

Answer 4

premarital sex gives you the opportunity for expectation. Your spouse now has a 'measure' and what if they don't meet up to your previous experience? A virgin experience makes your experience your best experience. Also, horniness is no reason to get married. We all desire things such as materialism, etc. We don't steal so we can have it, so marrying the first person doesn't do it either. Surrounding yourself with people who help you focus on the other aspects of relationships outside of sex helps. Also, the 'edge' comes off when dating. I encourage people to date, date, DATE! If you're really looking for love, you can create a range of choices through dating rather than going with the first person you see. Its not easy in a very sexual society, because you're stimulated every waking hour, but its possible.

Answer 5

The reasons given by "religious" people to this answer have a singe root. They see the purpose of this creation as being to grow in their relationship with God. This becomes the criteria by which they judge all actions. On the issue of sex, the Bible and Holy Tradition are very clear. Sex is to exist in marriage and in marriage only. The "religious" argument is God said premarital sex is wrong and the definition of sin not following God's will. Premarital sex weakens peoples relationship with God; deep joy is found in a strong relationship with God.

Having said that let me answer your other questions.
I don't think that people should get married just to have sex. People can be just fine without sex. The purpose of marrige is to have a help mate in life.

Those answers are the truth. .

Isaac

PS Free will is given to us so we can choose God.

Answer 6

I'm not a virgin, but my boyfriend is, and he's committed to staying a virgin until he gets married. I basically waited until the first time I was truly in love, and I don't regret my decision at all, no matter what people want to think of me or say about it. For my boyfriend though, no sex before marriage is important. We love each other very much, but I don't think he'd be comfortable even taking the smallest most remote chance of anything happening to me (pregnancy, miscarriage, anything else you can think of) without us having a tried and true commitment to each other and a financial base to fall back on. I know it would destroy him if I was in the hospital and he wasn't allowed to see me because boyfriends aren't considered "family" while husbands are. It's about trust and the ability to take care of each other and be there for not just the easy fun times but the terrible dark times, not just because of love, but because of a state and church approved commitment to another person.

Answer 7

According to Webster's Dictionary.... lol, I'm kidding.. but:

Abstinence from sex until marriage is key for building intimate and long lasting relationships. It draws two people closer together emotionally and is a special time when each person can spend time getting to know one another. The desire to avoid sex before marriage encourages self control which ultimately demonstrates trust to a partner. In turn this trust allows vulnerability towards each other producing a fruitful and intimate relationship.

A relationship with a regular pattern of lust tends to build upon the outward reflections of a person rather than focusing on character. Getting to know someone on the inside is one of the most important aspects of a successful relationship. Promiscuity degrades trust because it lacks self control and tends to view sex and people more casually. Sex is a sacred and beautiful part of marriage, and shouldn’t be seen as a casual act to satisfy superficial desires and insecurities.

From 1 Corinthians 6.-15-16 we see that when a man and a woman have sex they become like one person, and in Proverbs 5.15-17 we know that marriage involves staying together like one person because there is no departure from the spouse until one passes away. The two verses point out that one should not have sex with any person until there is commitment until death do they depart. To have sex before marriage would be like having sex with a prostitute in the sense that there is no commitment involved. Marriage is the way of declaring to God, yourself, your partner and your friends and family that you will remain with your partner until the end of your short life in this world.

The interesting thing about this, is that people have confused the definition of a prostitute... and no, you don't have to charge a dime for the "service" because a prostitute is known for having sex with more than one person without any strings attached, and more specifically commitment is not a prerequisite for sex. There is no condition for a prostitute to be committed to one person now or in the future, doing so would hinder their profession.

I guess that apart from all of this, if someone isn't a true Christian, then he or she doesn't care, I mean, why would they? Why be a Christian when it comes to certain things, and not when it comes to others...?

Answer 8

I didn't wait till marriage to lose my virginity. I don't want to get married until I'm in my late 20's or early 30's, so it was unrealistic that I was going to wait so long. I waited until I found someone I was comfortable with, and I still don't regret losing my virginity before marriage. I think you should have sex if your old enough, if you use protection, and if both partners are willing and consenting.
I am currently living with my boyfriend right now. Some people disagree with our lifestyle, but it's none of their business. I love my boyfriend very much, but I think that both of us are too young to get married. I'm not loose or a skank, I just chose to have sex before marriage. Besides, it's not likey that your fiance is going to be a virgin. My boyfriend wasn't a virgin when I met him.

Answer 9

You have to value yourself and your body. You have to value your future, have goals, morals, standards, and a character that is strong enough to resist horny urges. If you can't manage to do that as a teenager, how will you learn not to be a slave to whatever twitch you get between your legs? Marriage is about compromise and sacrifice-- you don't need "experience" with other men to make a marriage last. You need to NOT give your feelings so much power, and use your brain when you choose a mate. And unless you're willing to put your horny urges aside, you won't make good choices.

Answer 10

i don't agree in waiting til your married. i didn't and happy i didn't. i experienced different people. and found out what type of person i did like. if i married the first guy it wouldn't of lasted. most religions were ment for control. i do believe in god but not the way humans have written most religion. We are on this earth to do one thing and one thing only. to reproduce. men and women are so much alike, we love sex. that's my honest opinion.