why does my mother-in-law always talk down to me?

Question

My mother-in-law always say stuff like.. your gaining weight, you need to lose it! or she will say why you dress like that? you need to put something else on that doesnt show everything? can you help me?!

Answer 1

You took her baby boy from her, and she has to show you she's still the boss! I'm sure if you asked her why she was acting as she does, she would be flustered and not know what you're talking about.

I have seen this.

Being upset is playing right into her hands, and you certainly can't enlist your husband in the fight...you are on your own. When she says these things to you, just say something like "Thanks for the suggestion, [insert name here] ... I'll file that away with the rest of the advice you've given me." Say it in a joking manner. She will know that you are not listening to her, and that she is not getting to you.

Also, in a subtle way, let her know that she has not lost her son, but has gained a daughter.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Is your husband an only child, only boy or perhaps the youngest child in his family? Well, some mothers tend to be more clingy to an only child or her youngest since he will always be her "little baby boy" no matter what. These kinds of mothers tend to think that they have always been the # 1 women in their sons' lives, and when the new wife comes around, that # 1 spot in the priority list gets um, challenged. Actually, even before the son does find a wife, "Mama dear" will have to "screen" through every girl, rejecting almost everyone since she wants the "best" for her little boy. Well, now that you're the wife and you think that your mother-in-law indeed falls under the category of moms mentioned above, this is a whole new kind of ballgame.

Since your mother-in-law thinks she knows what is "best" for her son, she will tend to criticize your EVERY move and EVERY word. Believe me: since her spot in her son's priority list seems challenged, she will find ways to put you down in order to make her feel more secure that she is still her son's one and only woman.

If your mother-in-law is the type who really just does anything to hurt you and you want to really put a stop to whatever kind of harrassments she has been doing to you, then do something. I suggest talking to her straight up and firmly WITHOUT sounding arrogant or offensive. That way she will have no reason in saying that you weren't being disturbed by her actions and that way she'll be notified that there's something wrong going on already. Or if you want, you may talk with your husband first so that both of you can later talk to her, but if he sides more with his mom without understanding your feelings, then you'll just have to do with the first plan of action.

However, do not confront your mother-in-law right away. Think it over first. Perhaps she might be right about some things and maybe you just took her advice the wrong way. Remember that not all mothers-in-law are monsters-in-law. Maybe she just cares about you too. So try to find ways instead on how to soften her up and make her see you not as a threat to her "rank" in your hubby's "Top Women of My Life" list but as a new friend.

Answer 3

Hi Froggy..no one likes to be put down by anyone..family or otherwise....first I'd stand in front of the mirror and check myself out and see if anything she is saying is true even if it hurts....facing the truth is not always easy. Do you get the same comments from anyone else?

If you feel she is zeroing in on you for no real reason then you can stand up to her and say you have the right to dress and do as you please and to step back. That you are free to make choices and your husband is happy with your choices. She might not like it but that is tough. Don't let her get your goat...scare you...it's not worth the worry and what it does to your nerves.

Some family members are still trying to protect their child or they cannot let go of their child for some reason. The want control of everything. You are old enough to be married and old enough to take care of your business without help unless you ask her for it.

I wish you the best of luck dealing with this, does your husband know she is running off at the mouth to you? Just wondering....

Hugs from Mama Jazzy Geri

Answer 4

Well i'm pretty sure that it's because she sort of lost her son to you. She must have been very attached to him and letting him go must have been hard for her. She probably just needs time to accept the fact that her son loves you (and that you're good enough for him) and she can't do anything to change that. You're not the only one going through this, many other people do to. And almost always the mother-in-law ends up giving in (as in, realizing she was wrong) and getting along with her daughter-in-law, just fine. Sooner or later she'll like you and stop making nastly comments to lower your self esteem; just give her some time. I hope that it'll work out!!

Answer 5

I had a Mother in Law like that but was lucky. my Husband would not tolerate it. also i am very out spoken. Just tell her that u want to love her but will not be talked down to. she can stop or u will just stay away.. My Mother in law and I grew very close after we knew where we stood.

Answer 6

first of all most mother-in -laws are like that and second tell her that you did not marry her that you married her son and as long as her son does not complain as to your weight or how you look then she needs not to worry and if she ask you not to dress like that cause you might show everything tell her at least you have on something you are not going naked

Answer 7

She does this because you let her. The next time that she says such stuff to you, tell her that you already have a mother and it is not her and you would appreciate it if she would quit trying to give you advice on your appearance, or anything else for that matter.

Answer 8

she talks down to you to make herself feel better about herself.she probably feels in secure about herself, an to hide this she aims this meanness toward you.
my question to u is wear is ur husband when she is doing this, for if my mother was alive an she did this then i would like let her know that this is unacceptablean she would not b aloud to put someone down in this way that i love. so what does ur husband do or say when she puts u down or makes these comments. does he stick up for u or what? i would like tell her to go an not come back until she is able to repect u, and that is that. you need to talk w/ ur husband about how this makes you feel an see what he is willing to do about it. if nothing then, sweety i wouldnt waste my time on him or his mom.

Answer 9

I think they are jelous. They have had their time and they dont think we can have ours. Tell ur hubby/wife to speak to ur mother in law and dont put up with it at all. Kill this behavour in the beginning.

Answer 10

your husband needs to tell his mother to mind her own business !!
he should not allow her to hurt you like that
he should be standing up for you to his mother