How do I patent my spectacular invention?

Question

Using 58 capacitors, a giant electromagnet, a microwave oven, and parts from an old XBOX, I have invented a matter teleporter.

So far I have successfuly teleported 13 hamsters elswhere ( I haven't figured out where they have gone yet though).

How do I patent my invention?

Answer 1

The patent office, dude. But you probably will want a lawyer too, if your invention works. If it doesn't work, have fun with your acid trip!

http://www.uspto.gov/main/patents.htm

Answer 2

Are you sure it's a transporter? I fear you may have invented a matter dis-integrator.
Poor, poor hamsters. Oh the humanity!