Can someone help me understand these emotions I am having?

Question

I am a 32 year old mother of an 18 year old son! I was raped at a young age and got pregnant and decided to place my son in an open adoption home! I met the parent and all is great! My problem my son is now 18 so I contacted him and we have been txt messaging each other for 3 days now and talked on the phone once 3 way with his girlfriend! Now the problem has started with me today with me just having some high emotions of insecurity and when my son didn't txt message me back right away I took it the wrong way and would say stupid things like what you don't want to talk to me or i won't txt message no more and will respond when you feel your ready to talk! Now my confusion with myself is I don't know if I am scared of rejection and him just cutting me off cause thats how I feel when he doesn't respond right away or is it the fact that I just never exspected all to go so well between him and I and I am waiting for the bad! I know this is dumb and confusing but I am not normally lke this

Answer 1

Slow down, Dearie. Try to imagine how he must feel when all of a sudden, his mom is in his life. Also, remember what it was like to be 18 year old. There's a lot more to life than txt messaging your mother! Yes, even IF you just met her! Remind yourself as often as you need to, that he has chosen to communicate with you, so obviously he does want you in his life. Just try to back off and give him some space.

Answer 2

it's good that your son was so willing to get in touch with you so easily, most teens have difficulties doing so. the fact of the matter is, even though you and your son had some kind of contact with each other, it's still difficult for him to know that the woman that he hasn't seen or spoken to is now becoming a part of his life. you have to let him adjust and get used to this relationship, these things take time. don't think that he's trying to mark you off because he didn't respond to a text message once. don't get upset or send him text message like you did, because in all reality he could have never allowed you in his life, so be patient. if you become impatient and put pressure on him, he might close you out, and there will be nothing you can do then.

Answer 3

Awwwwww!!! Your story made me cry!!! *sniff sniff*.

This is what I think. .. You carried hte baby for 10 months, you gave birth to him, and unfortunately, you had to give him up for adoption. From that day on, I bet you thought of him MANY MANY times. You must have wondered if he was doing well, how big he must be, and hoped to be able to reunite with him someday while harbored some fear that the relationship between you two might never be like that of a parent and child that is raised by their birth mother. And now that you've met him, part of you is maybe, you'd like to get all that you've missed, kept hoping for as soon as possible and also because of that fear you've always had, you are very sinsitive to signs that could potentially confirm your fear. I think it's imporant that you stay calm/patient and take it slowly because.....

HIS perspective is probably like this. He grew up with his adoptive parents who fed and nurtured him as far as he remembers. He may have wanted to meet his birth mother, and she suddenly appears in his life.. Though i think he's happy to meet you, he may feel a little guilty or too bad for his adoptive parents to get close to you quickly. He must also be a lil confused about how to take you or deal with you. Though he understands intellectually that you are his real birth mother, he does not know who you are and what kind of person you are, and he may be feeling that you don't know the person he is inside as much as some other people who have been around him. Additionally, he may or may not be having difficulty coming terms with the fact that you gave him up for adoption...

I hope you don't take it so personally when he doesn't return your messages right away.. He needs the time and space to digest all this, and probably so do you in a different sense.. I hope you two are able to work this out slowly but surely by taking steps to learn more about the ture persons you are inside. Give him some space and be a good listener WHEN he asks you to be, as your best friend would do for you, while be open and authentic about feelings you've had for him during all those 18 years.

Best wishes...

Answer 4

I'm sure it hard coming into his life at this time ,but at least you have established a realtionship with him. Be thankful that he is willing to have this wiht you. I do understand the confusion w/ the emotions; it's an emotional time. He is 18 and has a girlfiriend so I'm sure that him not being able to text you back at this time probaly just means that he is being a typical 18 yr. old. So, I woun't take that as rejecting you. He had an opportunity to decide if he was open to having you in his life and he has already taken those steps and remember this is new to him to and he problay is afraid of rejection and had confusion just as you do. Just take it slow and know that your emotions are justified. Your only human. Good luck to the both of you!

Answer 5

Hi,the melodrama u are going through is very normal.It does happen with everyone.You should consider yourself fortunate enough that you are in touch with your son whom you couldnt give the motherly love that he deserved and needed when it was really essential and gratefull to the parents who allowed you to be in touch with him not caring bout the insecurity factor.You should be really thankfull to god cause he has given you the opportunity to really shower your motherly love,though after 18 years.Sorry if I am hurting you...but whats else good can you expect more???You have got whatever you want and have to be satisfied rather than having a insecurity...cause you owned nothing to be insecure about.Nways try to keep ur cool and accept the privacy and independance that every person needs.Dont be too posessive cause you may loose what you have been gifted.Its hard,I know...But really wouldnt like you to loose what you have gained.So please think twice before letting out anything and PLEASE DONT TAKE THINGS FOR GRANTED cause that may land you in trouble.Give this relationship enough time to mature and groom.All the best.

Answer 6

You were raped (horrible) He is coming to terms with the reality that he is a product not of love, but of violence (horrible)

I think you are both going to experience huge emotional contradictions and have to both deal with your own and accept those in each other.

Neither of you is at fault per say, but I'm sure he's just as conflicted as you are.

That's the problem here - no matter how you you are equipped, its a difficult road. Traveling that road can either bring you closer together once you reach the end or drive you further apart before you get there.

Perhaps empathy is the best tool in both your belts?

I wish I had as easy a time following my own advice as I do giving it. lol

Answer 7

You are scared of loosing him again. And insecure cause you do not know how he feels about you. That is why you are scared of what he thinks. So yes, you're scared of rejection. You don't want to screw this up, and it seems like you really care about him. And you should! He's your son, he needs guidance and comfort from you. Talk to him over the phone! Tell him how you feel, and that you want the best from him. Be there for him!

Answer 8

My guess is yeah, your feeling insecure, you don't know exactly how he is feeling about what happened when you gave him up and he has got to get to know a mother who is now in his life. This is probably how you see it, you may be panicking about whether he has decided to not talk or text you, but this is probably untrue, emotions are running high and you must restrain yourself from texting things that suggest worry and panic without any real cause, just remember, these are still first impressions of you that he is having, you want to show him that you wanting to be in his life and he is important to you, but you do not want to overcrowd him, as his can make him angry.
I hope it all works out for you, good luck. xx

Answer 9

You've been feeling scared of rejection for a few days and he's been feeling rejected by, of all people, his birth mother for as long as he's known that she wasn't the mother who raised him. I'm not being judgmental; I'm just saying: Get over it, it may only be your hormones or anxieties. Just remember that he may have had to let up because he got his text messaging bill. Give him time, give him space, and give him other chances to reconnect at HIS speed.

Answer 10

txt him and explain you just freeked and your sorry.You cant make up 18 yrs all at once, and i dont mean that to be mean.Take time to let him process his feelings and for you to also. Keep in touch but not pushy, and all will be well.I hope you explained why you gave him up and that you cant make something like that up to him.But you cam start from here and be a part of his life if he chooses to let you. Good Luck hope this helps