Abused by a parent? How do I help her?

Question

Ok, this is not one of thoughs reverse psychology questions... Once againe my best friend (*Brook) called me in tears. her mother has yelled (cursed and threatened) her sister (*Lidia) and her again. She also picked Lidia up by the colar of her shirt and some what choked her. i know for a fact that her mother beat Brook on the back to a point where the father had to pull her off of Brook, (i saw the bruises). Another thing that happened was that when Lysia got too scared and went to hide in the only room where the door locked, the mom knocked down the door. Their dad is a pushover twords the mother's side. We emailed the shcool guidence councelor... was this a bad idea? What are the other options when talking does not help? I talked to my parents about this and they are clueless, but they did say that if anything went wrong they would let ther stay over at our house for a period of time. How can she deal with this and how can I help?
* not their real names

we are in middle school (8th gr.)

i did talk to her and she approved me writing to the counselor.

Answer 1

Call Child Protective Services or the Police Right away before the mother seriously injures or kills the kids!

Answer 2

To start off, you really are a great friend for being so concerned.. What you need to do is call difus and tell them this is a very serious situation.. It may start off as bruises on the back and knowcking doors down, but it could end with a hospital visit or a death.. Difus is my best advice.. They put the parent into anger management classes that really can benefit.. The mother may feel that she needs to discipline her children by abuse, but someone needs to discipline how she handles situations.. Contacting the school's guidance councelor was certainly not a bad idea, but the people in the situation may be a little scared with the outcomes.. they may love their mother and wouldn't want to put her through this.. or they can be afraid she'll get even more furious.. also, someone needs to talk to the father.. he needs to stand some ground because he is the other parent to these children.. Let the children see some counseling of their own.. There can also be verbal abuse along with the physical.. The children should be able to vent with their situation

Answer 3

This sounds like a tricky question. First you have to ask yourself, is Brooke doing anything to be driving her mother into insanity, like doing drugs, or hanging out with boys too much, if you know what I mean. If your friend is doing something that is provoking her mother to the point of beating her, then her mother has probably exausted all other avenues of discipline and is just taking her frustration out on her daughter. This is not uncommon especially in the teenage years. If your friend is the perfect child and her mother is just beating her, that is a completely different situation and you have taken the right path by talking to a school councelor. The counselor can talk to her and refer her to the right place where she and her mother can get counceling.

Answer 4

Social Services needs to be called. It can be done anonymously. You can report what you know about the situation and ask someone to go and check things out. The best chance at getting real help for her is going to be when those injuries speak as proof. (the bruises on the back would have been enough) It needs to be done, those girls need to be removed from that home. Her teacher is also obligated by law to report this if you (or she, or both of you) tell her teacher, so if you don't have the courage to call SS, tell her teacher, he/she has no choice but to report it.

Answer 5

Your friend needs to be encouraged to seek profession help. She can talk the a councilor or her family doctor or the police. There are child help lines out there that she can call. But if you value her friendship, do not do the reporting unless you seriously believe her life is in immediate danger. She needs your friendship and encouragement the most. If you do the reporting and she is removed from her family she will likely end up blaming you. Go with her if she wants you to but let her do the talking. An abused person often ends up believing that they are being are bad people and deserve to be punished. Be her support and ego booster.

Answer 6

I'm so glad the girls have you on their side. Your parents are saints, too, for being willing to become involved. You did the absolute right thing to email the counselor-now make sure he or she follows up on it.

The mother needs help. She needs counseling. I'm sure she's miserable and doesn't want to hurt her girls. She's probably very remorseful afterward, but nonetheless, this is a dangerous situation for the girls.

If your school counselor is good at his/her job, the proper measures will be taken. If not, the girls may need some prompting to go to the police.

You're one in a million for being so concerned. Whatever happens, continue to be supportive when they need you.

Answer 7

I assume your friend is in school. She should go to the school counselor with her story of abuse. The police should be contacted. This is a case for Child Protective Services. No one can do anything on their own and having her stay at your house is not the answer. This needs to have the attention of professionals.

Answer 8

Talking to an adult was a good move, but it's not a fix for the problem, if the abuse is as bad as you make it sound you need to contact someone who can intervene now. Call the police, if you are worried about them finding out you are the one who called, tell the officer you talk to that you need to remain anonymous. They shouldn't push you for answers. You are a very good friend for caring so much and wanting to help.

Answer 9

Make sure that your friend reports this abuse. Make sure that someone takes pictures of the bruises as well. You should have talked to the friend first before you email the guidance counselor. Make your friend aware of what you did because that could back fire in your face. How old is your friend? There may be alot more she could do depending on her age.

Answer 10

EMAILIN' THE SCHOOL COUNSELLOR IS A GREAT IDEA, SIT DOWN & TALK STRAIGHT OUT W/YOUR PARENTZ. HOPEFULLY THEY SET A GOOD EXAMPLE BY CALLING THE POLICE RIGHT AWAY, CONSULT THE FAMILY SERVICES ETC...EVERY CHILD'S SAFETY & WELFARE IS IMPORTANT TO US AS A COMMUNITY. CHILD ABUSE OF ANY FORM SHOULD BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY, NO MATTER WHAT...WHERE I COME FROM, "IT TAKEZ A WHOLE COMMUNITY TO RAISE A CHILD" EVERYONE'S THERE , NO MATTER WHO U ARE. THIS CHILD'S MOTHER NEEDS ANGER MANAGEMENT & BIG TIME COUNSELLING, I SUGGEST U KEEP FINDING HELP TILL U GET IT. DON'T GIVE UP ON TRYIN' CUZ SOMEONE OUT THERE WILL LISTEN TO U...BELIEVE ME, I'VE SEEN SITUATIONZ LIKE THIS HAPPEN WHEN I WAS A LIL' GIRL & NOW I HAVE 3 GORGEOUS GIRLZ OF MY OWN, I'D HATE FOR ANYTHING TO HAPPEN TO THEM FOR THEY ARE MY LIFE & MY LOVE~*~SO BE STRONG, AND DO WHAT U KNOW U GOTTA GO, K GIRL? EMAIL ME @ [e-mail] to let me know how thingz went...my prayerz are with you.... ~B~