Would pressing charges against her be too harsh ?

Question

My 16 year old son is dating a 19 year old girl. Shes got a 1 year old son. Its not that shes a bad influence or anything, shes very nice sweet kind and helpful. I just think she is too experienced for him and she reminds me of the type of girl who would hurt him. Ive talked to him about it and told him I want them to break up but he doesnt listen to me. Ever since theyve been dating his grade have dropped and I found alcohol in his room. They are very much in love, I know they are I just think hes too young.

Ive thought about pressing charges against her (for statutory rape) but I dont know if thats too harsh, she has a baby and I think Id feel guilty for doing that. What do you think I should do ?

Answer 1

You are within your rights to protect your son as u see fit.
For the sake of her child you shouldn't. That baby needs a mother.
You could use it as leverage to set up some new ground rules.
Since he will be recognized by school as well as family services as being under your guardianship he will have to abide by your rules. He doesn't need to understand them. He doesn't have to agree that they are fair. He absolutely has to abide by them.
Namely, unless and until he focuses on school and gets his grades up to standard then he will not be permitted to visit with her in your home. He is grounded from going out for at least a month and that time will increase as long as it takes for him to improve and to give him time to regroup and focus. Remind him that if their "love" is true that it will withstand this seperation and that she should be glad to put his needs first. Tell him that it is his obligation as a son to do the best that he can at school (which doesn't mean straight a's--be practical). It is non-negotiable.

Don't finance any dates or gifts for her. Remind him that you are aware of the alcohol and that if he doesn't obey you in this regard you will file a restraining order and statutory rape charges against her. Then not only will he lose her but she will lose her child and get a police record and possibly jail time.

I know you are having a really hard time now and probably wish you had done a few things differently. You can't turn back the clock but you can definitely do whatever is necessary for your son's best interest.

Good Luck!

Answer 2

I think all 3 of you need to sit down and talk about this like adults. 3 years is not a big age gap it is small. And she has a child from a previous relationship so i guess label her a slut. That's how alot of people see people these days and it's not right to jump the gun and not like someone you don't even know. I had my 1st and only son at the age of 19 that doesn't and shouldn't make me a bad person. I also think you shouldn't press charges it's not like she raped him. He was ready and willing nobody forced him to have sex. It wouldn't just affect your son and his gf but most importantly his gf's son. If she were to get it for rape she would lose her child. Im sure you would feel guilty for that right? As for the grades you can always ground him or take away privilages for that.

Answer 3

You need to check the state laws. Some states 16 IS the legal age of consent so you would not be able to press charges. If he IS drinking, that doesn't have anything to do with her because she is not old enough to buy the alcohol for him in the first place. If you are pressuring him to break up with her and he is doing poorly in school he might be stressed from that and that could be the reason for the drinking. Do talk to him about the drinking. Tell him that the earlier kids start drinking there is a higher chance that they can become alcoholics

Answer 4

I think once they are over 16 you can't press charges for statutory? but I'm not sure on that. I wouldn't try breaking them up as that will probably make them more determined to be together. But I would start seriously limiting their time together if he doesn't raise his grades and if you find more alcohol. That girl has a baby and if they are serious about each other and if they end up getting married he's going to have to take care of him and set a good example. Make sure he knows what a HUGE commitment he's making even now. that baby is probably going to start calling him daddy soon...

Answer 5

To be honest, I'm not sure the charges would stick. Unless your son is willing to state that he is having that type of relationship with her it would be nearly impossible. Also, I think (but I am not 100% sure) that 16 might be considered the age of consent depending on the circumstances.
Before pursuing such a strong and irreconcilable action try to talk to your son again, explain you do not want him to continue seeing her because of the age an life experience difference. If that fails (and I hate to sound negative but probably will) confront the girl. Explain it all to her and if she insists on continuing the relationship "warn" her that if it does continue you will be filing charges. Before stating that to her talk to your local police department first to get all of the details. In the end you might just be bluffing her but considering her age and the fact she has a child she is not likely to call your bluff.
Good luck.

Answer 6

You should talk directly to her. I feel that would be the best way to approach the subject. Pressing charges is NOT the way to go. Your son would be VERY hurt and not understand why you would do that to him.

Make sure you tell her that he is having trouble in school and if she cares about him, she should back off some. He needs to have time to get his grades back up.

Does this girl live on her own or with parents? If she lives with her parents you could also trying talking to all of them at the same time. Your son, you, her and her parents.

Let me know how it goes or if I can answer anymore questions.

Best of luck,
Nire Nella

Answer 7

First of all their age difference is not that great, he also is more than likely at the age of consent. Also what evidence would you have photo's etc that sex occurred. I say realize your son is not a child and treat him as such. Any interference from you would drive them closer. I say instead of plotting against them talk with them and be a part of his life. If the problem is alcohol and grades focus on that only sit down and talk with him and her together about your concerns. If you think it's rough now he can make your life a living hell if you attempt to sabotage his relationship. It is normal for a young man his age to experiment with alcohol and slipping grades may just be a phase where he's loosing interest in school. Focus on the two problems and talk with his girlfriend about your concerns woman to woman she may even help you talk to him.

Answer 8

I think it is very harsh. There is a good possibility that she would lose her child if you pressed charges against her, and losing a child like that would be very damaging. This is a tough situation because you can't chose the person your child loves, but he is not an adult yet and needs to follow the rules, such as not drinking and doing his school work. Perhaps you should speak with her parents. She is an adult, but maybe if both families work together you can reach a peaceful solution.

Answer 9

Tell him that if he can't be responsible about dating her then he can't see her anymore. If you forbid it completely or go as far as to press charges against her then you will only be pushing him away and making him resent you. However, this is what I would do...talk to him about the grades and the alcohol. Tell him that if he wants to continue an adult relationship then you expect him to act like an adult and take the importnant things in life just as serious as he takes his relationship with her. Make sure he understands that you are not forbidding him from seeing her and I would even bring her into the conversation too and address these issues with her. Maybe she would be able to have an impact on him too. Let them know that you understand that they are in love but that the choices he is making in other aspects of his life are poor and you would like to think of him as mature enough to have an adult relationship but he is not acting that way at the moment.

Answer 10

Can you PROVE that you son and her have had sex? You might also want to check with your state's laws regarding statutory rape, in a number of states now the age for consentual sex by a minor IS in fact 16. Just because your son is drinking and his grades have dropped doesn't mean SHE is the influence or that the fault lies with HER. Your son is 16 years old, that is old enough to be responsible for HIS own choices, instead of blaming HER I suggest you start putting it on your son's shoulders, he doesn't sound all that "innocent" to me.