My parents and brother have not spoken in almost a year.?

Question

My parents are very manipulative. My brother and I learned this and try to deal with it. A year ago, my brother was at their house and my dad got mad over something stupid. He said some rude and hateful things to my brother. My brother got mad, came in house and got his wife and kids and left. My dad is still obstinate, while claiming to be Christian, saying he doesn't care if he ever sees my brother again. My mom is upset, but says she thinks its not fair to not see her grandkids. I've told her she is going to have to be the one to "break the ice" again, and not keep bringing up the past. She refuses because she doesn't want my dad mad. My brother talked to me again last night about it. He is hurt that parents wont speak to him in almost a year, but more that my parents are ignoring his kids. I am angry about that too. But how can I help this whole situation? Ive thought about inviting them all to same place (surprise), but am afraid that would backfire and make it worse. Any ideas

I also wonder if this is something to hand off to their pastor at their church, since they have 100% belief in their church?

Answer 1

You need to impress on every member of your family that your family has a value and it is worth fighting for. I am going through a similar situation. My brother and I have not spoken in 3 years. He will not come to any family event if my daughter and I are in attendance. It is heartbreaking for my sister, parent, my daughter and I. Even more than that it is absolutely ridiculous! There is no reason for my family not to be a family. There is no reason for your family not to be a family. Seek the help of a professional. A third party to mediate is a fantastic idea. It is unacceptable for family not to be together. I feel for your awkward position and you should be done mediating. Good luck.

Answer 2

You can either stay out of it entirely or tell your parents if they cut ties with your brother and his family they are cutting ties with you and yours as well. To be honest, that may be the better choice. If anything will make them come around, it is that. If not, you have bigger issues and you are both better off forming healthy relationships together without your parents. Your mother's behavior concerns me most of all as it suggests co-dependency and perhaps even fear of your father. She can always meet them without your father knowing or let him know she is going to and he will have to deal with it.

Answer 3

Well, it can't get any worse. I think your idea is a good one. Your parents are the only people on this earth that you have a god given right to be loved unconditionally. If they aren't, then they have a very big problem.

Answer 4

Yea that's a great idea take that issue to the pastor and in the meantime ask your parents do they know what the word FORGIVENESS means since they want to hide behind the church.You can't serve two masters as it is put.It her the one who lets you do and say as you please or the one that says FORGIVE THEM and do good to all.That means them too.