upset 3.5 year old?

Question

my 3.5 year old step daughter for the last 3-4months has started crying at the drop of a hat. the problems started with her not wanting to EAT when we said she had 2eat all her dinner she'd start crying and carrying on as though she'd been smacked. She spends 50% of her time with her mum and when it's time 2pick her up my daughter has missed her and wants 2hold hands cuddle her step sister. when this happens my step daughter cries and won't let my daughter near her which then upsets my daughter who is 4years old. It doesn't seem 2matter what u say she balls her eyes out for no reason. I'm VERY WORRIED about her she hasn't always been like this and my daughter makes it worse by picking and anoying her all the time between us we have my 4year old VERY HYPERACTIVE kid and his VERY WINGEY 3year old and our screaming 5weel old i'm frustrated thinking i'm not a good mum and i've got 2be doing something WRONG!

Answer 1

first of all you are not a bad mum!
you have two children of your own. there is a stepdaughter who is obviously upset and stressed about her current situation. she seems mommy and daddy not together anymore and this lady that comes to pick her up and take her to live with her for a short time. perhaps if you could give her some alone time with just you and her she will start to trust you and start to relax a little more. right now she is suffering a change and its too big for a lil one like her to comprehend right now.

Answer 2

First, it is not you. Second, your little ones have developed
a pattern. To get your attention or any attention all they have to do is start crying. Sounds like control issues. Don't make a big deal out of eating. If little one doesn't want to eat then say,
"okay. I'll just put it in the fridge and when you get hungry again
I'll heat it up and you may finish it." You just took back control without a confrontation. The others are just following the 3.5's lead.
When crying jags start make sure the tears are not cause by pain. If it is only a fit then remove crying child, place in a quiet
spot where you can keep an eye on child and let them cry it out.
Trust me, the tears will stop when they see they are not getting the results they want. As for the clingy stage, this is normal.
Just be patient, calm but firm and say, "not now, we need to
leave." Good luck.

Answer 3

I think the problem lays with having a new baby in the house. This can really reek havoc on a small child. In the last few months before a baby is born the mom gets a lot of attention and she may have felt left out. You and your husband need to make a point of spending one on one time with her and the 4 year-old. Also when the 4 year-old picks at her you need to step in and stop her.

Answer 4

Gosh, I don’t know, it’s such a difficult choice. A squealing hissy fit egotistical 20 year old or a mature insatiable 35 year old milf? Your age is the disadvantage not an advantage. As someone else said, it sounds like you have a lot to learn and that the best woman won but don't worry, when he's alot older, he'll prefer you.

Answer 5

She is establishing her self-hood and boundaries. It's also terrifying for any small child (especially a girl) to be away from her mother, who she depends on for her very survival. If anything happens to her mother, she knows she's done for. There is a terrible anxiety for the child at this age, even if the mother is just going to work for the day. She imagines the worst, and has no real context to filter emotions and feelings through. NOTHING matters to her in her life but her real mother, and being away from her is a misery. Every moment of waiting for the real mother to come and get her is frightening---what if she never comes? If you were feeling this depth of fear, would you be in the mood to eat?

Answer 6

:) your not a bad mom or you wouldnt be so worried :) I have a three year old who cries very easily a lot has to do with stress new enviorment maybe a new classmate or a change in home aka a new mommy figure; I suggest you spend a mommy and new daughter day getting to know each other proably something low key and quiet hope it was of some help

Answer 7

First of all you are not a bad mom. I know it feels like it when they are crying, but you have to remember that is how they communicate. They can't tell you if they are not hungry, so if she does not want to eat all her dinner it's OK. Even at 3.5 they might not be so sure of themselves as to tell you what they do and don't want. When she is hungry she will eat. You can try to have her sit at the table with you till you are all done but don't force the issue, she will eat when she is hungry. They have very little tummy's right now yah know, it's like no bigger than their fists or even smaller, so it will not hold allot of food and drink. Just make sure she gets her vitamins, talk to her pediatrician about giving her a vitamin supplament if you are really worried about her not eating. My son loves pediasure when we can afford it, it's like 10 bucks for a 6 pack, when we can't I give him the vitamin drops from enfamil. It makes me feel better and he gets what he needs.

As for the crying, she might be stressed out by the new situation that all the adults around her have thrust her into. She is trying to cope as best as she can but she is only a child, so take it slow and make sure your hubby is spending as much time as possible with her, it will help to reassure her to have him play with her and take her places. You know father and daughter time. It's very important as I am sure you know or you would not be asking for help. For now is it possible for your daughter to be with her father while your step daughter is at your house? That might help to cool off the situation for now, and when she is more calm you can reintroduce them to one another. If not you will just have to deal with this situation as best you can. Do you have other family that can come help you from time to time? I hope you do cause it sounds like you really need some more hands with three little ones in the house *whew* makes me tired just to think about it. *grin* A trick I use with my son when he is really cranky and whiny is I just pop in a Thomas the Tank Engine video and he just calms right down. It's like magic, I just have to be careful that I don't do it all the time, cause sometimes they just have to let off some steam by crying. It's like a pressure valve sometimes and it just has to come out. I hope the situation works out for y'all.

Answer 8

ok i don't have kids but i have about 11 nephews and nieces so what i got to say is your not a bad mum, i've got a niece that if you tell her to do her something like go watch tv she runs to my mom and balls , her mother thinks shes a angel, and its nothing i can stop you just got to keep faith, your lil girl is just going through a faze. soon you'll be wondering why she doesn't want to talk to you. so like i said keep faith and if you want to scream grab a pillow.

Answer 9

you aren't doing anything wrong.. it is just a phase, she is only 3.5 and will quickly grow out of it. Enjoy it while they are little. I will pray for you. LIFE is short. Pray HARD!!!!

Answer 10

glad Im not you