If a man says he doesn't have sexual emotions for you what does that mean?

Question

If you're married and the man you are with says he can't have sex because there are no sexual emotions there from a mans point of view what does that mean? If he's in his late 40's and able to have sex and your married and says he loves me wouldn't he want sex? Even if there are things that are stressing him out? For men isn't sex a stress release sometimes? How do I keep from wanting my husband when he doesn't want to have sex with me? Doesn't masterbation ruin the sexual build-up and anticipation for that special moment? For me every time he touches me I get turned on and now he doesn't want sex I just get more and more frustrated whenever he touches me. I don't want him to stop touching me because I love him but I don't want to be frustrated either. What should I do?

Answer 1

Usually women link sex with emotions more than men.

I think he has low testosterone, since that is the leading factor in a low sex drive with men. That doesn't mean he CAN'T do it, but just isn't into it.

If he is willing, get him to a doctor for a blood test. This is what happened with my hubby and he's better now!!! Good luck.

Answer 2

The first answer is that he is gay...maybe not but consider it. Second maybe there is someone else...consider that. Are you sure his parts work? If it is just he is not interested....maybe you can find other ways of getting satisfaction with his help. Finally you may need to find a person or thing that allows you to have your release valve if you plan on continuing your relationship. Communicate your needs to him...but if you feel it is a pity pork...is it worth it. The main thing is that you keep control. Never feel that his problems are your fault. Just think of the many men who would be happy to satisfy your every need but you chose him. Tell the Lucky bastard to pony up and take a ride on the wild side. But please be gentle...


After reading the other responses...why is it that people think you should change or do differently? He is the non-producer in the relationship. Maybe he should dress in a maids outfit and high heels to arouse himself. If he can't find you enough how does he expect you to continue to be aroused by him?

Answer 3

Sex might be a good stress relief if someone is not too stressed out. Actually stress can cause all kinds of problems from sexual, to depression, to other physical pain. Actually, I'm surprised I don't hear of this more often. Most men, like myself, seem so shallow, that I'm surprised there's not more men trying to get out of their relationship to try something or someone new. Sure I could blame it partly on 'some' women who don't take care of themselves or try to act like a lady with class, but a lot of men don't take care of themselves either, and well I can't say much about class myself..hehe

Answer 4

I went through a similar situation. My husband went on very strong antidepressants and lost all sexual interest in me but he was still able to masturbate to porn all of the time. First, check his medications. If there are any with possible sexual side effects, go to the doctors and discuss different options.

Second, begin working out. I hate to say it, but with porn available to him 24/7, he is going to find some chicks that are far more attractive than you. Now, that isn't to say you should have the body of an 18 year porn start. But if you begin to show that you do care about your body by jogging and eating a bit better, your husband may see you in a new light.

Third, sit down and talk to him. Make him talk about this issue because it could be a marriage breaker. Find out why he has lost sexual interest in you. Does he not feel connected anymore? Is he having erectile problems? Is his self confidence down? Is he tired of initiating? There could be a million possibilities. Then, work to resolve those problems.

As for the time being, I would tell him its ok if he doesn't want to have sex with you right now. And do not force it. Take a set break from sex for about one month. However, make him to commit to having sex at least once after the month is over. In the mean time, go on dates together to rekindle the magic. Go for a walk, to the movies, bowling, out to dinner, dancing, any date-like activity. Make him feel special and show him that you appreciate him. If during the month of no sex he initiates it, go ahead and have it. If not, that's ok because your spending your energy one rekindling your relationship with him.

Do not nag your husband. Nagging and constant bothering of him will do nothing to make him have sex. Getting him to have sex with you should be your main priority right now. So what if the grass needs to be mowed. Do your best to lower his stress levels. Give him a break from everyday activities that are not essential to the running of the house. IE he has to go to work but does not have to spend time with the kids while you go to book club.

Let him masturbate. Do not criticise or make him feel bad for doing so. If you feel comfortable, go find some sites of your own and plesure yourself. Show him that you are not dependent on him for an orgasam.

I don't know how your relationship with your husband is so I can't say how he will act when you attempt to talk to him, but I feel that in a situation like this, having a heart to heart is very important. Use 'we' words and not blaming words such as 'you.' For example, "Why haven't we been able to connect lately?" rather than "Why don't you want to have sex with me?"

Save therapy as a last resort. It is expensive ad often uncomfortable.

Answer 5

I really think that this is something you need to discuss with your husband (and a councilor if need be) - it sounds like he could be going through a mid-life crisis.

Perhaps it could be that he's not physically able to make love - maybe the stress in his life is making it difficult to be physically aroused, this in turn probably makes him feel bad and then you've got a Catch-22 situation.

Maybe you could ask him if he has any fantasies that could help to turn him on. It may just be that you need to put the spark back in your relationship. Head away for a romantic weekend and spice it up a little.

Answer 6

There are a number of possible explanations for his lack of sexual feelings for you but it can be pretty complicated. Does he get aroused and erect other than with you? If not, stress of work or other source could be contributing. If stress is playing no part, there are drugs that allow erections. If he does achieve erections other than with you, there can still be several explanations one of which is latent anger (I don't know what they call it these days) which is unexpressed and turning off his drive. And there are probably more possibilities. A checkup by his physician would be a good start if he'll do that? If nothing shows up there, will he go with you to a counselor or therapist? Does he mind if you please yourself and/or will he help you?

Answer 7

There are a few things that can be happening here. Stress will not keep a man from having sex. You may have let yourself go. You may be overweight or not as appealing as you once were. Men are very visual when it comes to sex. He may be having an affair. When men are having sex outside the marriage they are likely to avoid sex at home. Lastly, he might be gay. Try going for his anus. If he is straight he will flip out and ask what you are doing. If he lets you touch his anal area you can make the assumption that he is a homo.

Answer 8

When your husband tells you that he doesn't ever want to have sex with you, you've got bigger problems than being perpetually horny...sounds like the two of you need to have a talk about why you're not doing it for him anymore. Sure, some couples learn to be happy with little or no sex, but it just doesn't seem like much fun to me. How can you be in love and feel no passion?

Answer 9

It means you don't turn him on anymore (assuming no medical problem here). Sorry. I would question him as to whether he wants a divorce. If not, then your response should be how the hell he thinks the marraige can survive that way. If so, then you can ask him if there's some way to avoid that. Sounds like you still love him. Maybe counseling would help. You could suggest it.

Answer 10

YOU said the CURE yourself in your BIO! You are a Busy College Student WITH Kids? Where do you TWO find time = = FOR YOURSELVES? ? ?

Make the TIME and GET AWAY WITH EACH OTHER! Leave the kids with mom and JUST GET AWAY!

When a man late 40's no longer desires his wife, IT COULD BE A HORMONAL Problem! There is Male Menopause also or didn't you know about that?

Thanks, RR