J o k e?

Question

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a long hard look at herself.
"You know dear," she says, "I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is wrinkled, my boobs barely clear my waist and my ar*e is sagging. I've got fat legs and my arms are flabby. Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."
He says, "Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."
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After a night out, a man brings his mates back to show off his new house.
The visitors are perplexed by a large gong in the lounge.
One says, "What's that big brass gong for?"
The host says, "That's my Talking clock."
The guest says, "How does it work?"
The host says, "I'll show you", and gives the gong an ear-shattering blow with an unpadded hammer.
A woman's voice from upstairs screams, "For f***s sake, it's twenty to two in the f*****g morning!"
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Answer 1

Some retired deputy sheriffs went to a retreat in the mountains. To save money, they decided to sleep two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first deputy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you?" He said, "Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night it was a different deputy's turn. In the morning, same thing--hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!" He said, "Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I watched him all night."
The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. "Good morning," he said.
They couldn't believe it! They said, "Man, what happened?" He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed and kissed him good night. He sat up and watched me all night long."

Answer 2

Cute. 8/10.

Answer 3

LOL!!! BOTH OF THEM ARE SOOOO LOOLLLLL!!! XD

In reply to the first one... I think he'll get out of the hospital in a few years, but 8 years ago he was in critical condition when they brought him in... XD XP

I give your jokes a 100000/10 and a thumbs up!

Answer 4

Good ones. Especially the first one.

Answer 5

guy asking why your using the f word your not its em upstairs good one fingers20/20

Answer 6

Why using f words

Answer 7

classics lol 10/10

Answer 8

The kangaroo hmm hmm with the man! Or either the kangaroo jumps around everywhere!

Answer 9

both quite funny, although have heard the second one before.

Answer 10

the first one was lame but i liked the second one