My sister-in-law is a very negative person. She is rude to my children (ages 2 and 5) and blames things on them that they clearly did not do. Her 15 month old daughter (my niece) fell on her bottom while trying to get off her toddler bike and my sister-in-law scolded my son and told him it was his fault because he was talking to her and distracted her attention and she fell. He never touched her but was talking to her. Another example is that her daughter knocked over an entire can of cheetos puffs and my daughter (2 yr old) went to pick them up and put them back in the can. S-in-law scolded her and told her, "Don't even try to eat those, they belong to my daughter." Then the S-in-law swept them up and threw them all in the trash. Third example is her hatefulness at her own daughter's 1st b-day; she was rude our family for bringing presents. She said she wished nobody would have brought anything since her birthday was so soon after Christmas.
2007-01-14 10:08:09 · 12 answers · asked by americandream1 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Our Aunt had brought some mylar baloons and set them on the table and she took them away and put them in a bedroom and shut the door. I don't get it, we have been nothing but decent and loving to her, my parents let her live with them for a time in the past. I love my brother (her husband) and I don't want things to go sour between us as siblings because of her. How can I keep things smooth without blowing up?
2007-01-14 10:12:51 · update #1
One of you asked - yes as far as I can tell she only treats my family (her husband's family) this way.
2007-01-14 10:29:16 · update #2
As for my brother, he knows of her behavior and wants us all to ignore it and put up with it.
2007-01-14 10:34:57 · update #3
Just punch her in the head.
Or cut her out of the family and avoid the drama.
2007-01-14 10:11:56 · answer #1 · answered by captainsquanto 3 · 1⤊ 3⤋
I wish I could tell you what to do, but she is a real b*tch and unfortnately it will be hard to change her.
Try to be nice and count to 10 every time she does something stupid, however if she scolds your child you have the right to defend their actions, specifically if there was no blame. Tell her, you'd appreciate it if she was letting you do the scolding or punishment, as it is not her job. In the meantime stay away more often and when you see her you have to kill her with kindness until she either pukes or gets the message.
The question is, was she always like that? Has she changed since the birth of their child, is her marriage to your brother ok?
Look for an underlying cause, maybe she's unhappy, maybe she's got post partum depression, some symptons maybe hidden for some time.
If you have the patience go over for coffee and just sit down with her and ask, maybe she will open up. Communication is very important and can either clear things up for you or she'll blow and things will go down hill. If so, then you need to give her time.
Case in point: I didn't speak to my sister for 18 years, I thought she was a hard b*tch with no compassion. Just before she passed away we talked and talked and I foud out that she was abused by her husband, yet stayed with him for the sake of her children. Now, would I have known about it, I would have understood her hardness and would not have lost 18 years.
Like I said communication is the most important thing in the world.
I hope she changes and you will have a good life.
2007-01-14 10:34:54 · answer #2 · answered by Mightymo 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My sister-in-law is a little like that s well, except I don't have kids for her to scold. I find that spending as little time around her as possible and trying to ignore anything I hear about her (positive or negative) work wonders in building up reserves of patience when I can't get out of dealing with her. you can always blow off steam later. she's the person your brother chose and so is part of your family now whether you like it or not. you should be civil to her if only for your brother's sake. as for her scolding your children: tell her firmly yet politely that you would appreciate it if she would take any issues she has with their behavior up with you because you don't like anyone else scolding them, especially considering their ages and how easily they could get their feelings hurt (or self-esteem chipped away at or whatever) by someone who's supposed to love them (their aunt) if they have an accident.
2007-01-14 11:48:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wow....that has to be frustrating
your good to acknowledge your brother.....and he is the person you must talk to......let him know that his wife's behavior does not go over well....and that in the future you will have to restrict access and family interaction if she remain so negative about family interactions
explain you do not talk like that to another parents kids and that you would like the same respect shown back to yourself.....
it sound like to me she does respect your family because she thinks you and your family handle things differently than she does...but she needs to be told that in public....demeaning any child is not proper and unacceptable.......
she will not change......but expecting it without trying to work out a better public matter in handling it...will lead to years of bad feelings....better for your family to chat with brother now....otherwise waiting will lead to an event that cause a rupture with your brother cause someone finally could not deal with it anymore erupts and family will have to take sides.
do not make demeans now...just say where matters are headed....does he feel the sames as his wife in being so negative to children or adults.......does it create positive relationships...
2007-01-14 10:32:34 · answer #4 · answered by Jonathan L 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This woman may be suffering from depression. Does she treat other family members like this, or just you and yours? In either case, you do not have to expose your children to her. You might try speaking privately with your brother about the situation. Tell him about the incidents you mention here. Let your brother know that your affection for him has not changed, but that in the future, you willl not be visiting his home, or at least not with your children and tell him exactly why.
Make some time to visit with him, perhaps inviting him out to lunch so you two can catch up. Good luck to you all.
2007-01-14 10:25:58 · answer #5 · answered by teacupn 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
OMG - You are truly a saint!
I guess pray for a sense of humor -!
Honestly - I think I would have laughed about the Cheetos!
And then say something to your children like "In our house we share our food when we have guests!" I hope you praised your daughter for trying to help pick them up!
One piece of perspective - if you have trouble being around her - imagine how miserable she and her family (your brother) must be!
She does not sound like a very happy person. Just pray for grace and strength to deal with her! You may be just the hope she needs someday when she's at her wit's end.
2007-01-14 11:04:13 · answer #6 · answered by what's up? 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Avoid her as much as you can, and don't let your children play with hers. If that is not possible I would tell her in no uncertain terms she is not to talk to your children, that if there is a problem to take it up with you. She is not your kids' mom and does not have the right to correct them. She's an unhappy b**** and I would do everything I could to minimize contact because she is not going to change and this is not the kind of time you and your family want to spend with people.
2007-01-14 10:21:10 · answer #7 · answered by justbeingher 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Seeing as how this woman is family, your best bet would probably be to ignore her as often as is possible. You can't change her attitude, no matter how nice YOUR'S is towards her. It seems that she is one of those folks who bite before they can get bit, as my mom used to say about people like that. Maybe her childhood was spent defending herself, or her things, and she takes offence easily. Don't fall into her web and end up ugly back; you'll only hurt yourself, because she probably EXPECTS everyone to be ugly to her.
About all you can do is keep your kids away from her and her attitude, and ignore her when you can't stay away. Keeping the peace in a family CAN be done, as long as you stay calm, stay quiet in the face of impossibility, and remember that you have no idea what happened to that woman in her lifetime to bring her to today and this way of dealing. Be kind. Be kinder than she is.. it sounds as if she needs it !
2007-01-14 10:39:32 · answer #8 · answered by themom 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are certainly not a recluse. A recluse will not go out of his home, for the most part. While you may consider yourself a "loner", it's not what you truly desire. Your desire to interact with only certain people make me think you're linking for one very meaningful relationship. Try dating, find a woman who's smart and can engage you in deep conversation. I think you will be satisfied.
2016-05-24 02:02:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would totally stop meeting them until all the children are 18 years of age. Another way to handle this is ignore her. Just do not react to whatever she says. Yet another way is to try not to be sensitive to her comments or talk. Choose to be positive in your reaction to her no matter how negative she is..it has worked for me always.
2007-01-14 10:40:15 · answer #10 · answered by SP 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like you're at your boiling point with her.
Unfortunately, you can never win w/ people like this.
Just take comfort in the fact that you are nothing like her. Be a bit smug in knowing that you could tear her apart, but it would be immature and impolite, so you rise above and keep your temper. Ever watch Desperate Housewives??
I love Bree. She's the picture perfect lady. But, when she gets the chance, she will screw you and make you like it.
Just keep your eyes & ears open for that opportunity. It may take years, but when it comes, it will be worth it.
Until then, keep your cool.
Best of luck to you!
2007-01-14 10:14:59 · answer #11 · answered by Josi 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋