I watched my mom die at the hospice from ovarian cancer about 8 months ago. Before she died, my fiance told her that he wanted to marry me. So I am glad she knew before she past, but now the wedding is coming up. I've been looking at photos of weddings and I keep seeing the bride getting ready with her mom. I see the bride crying tears of joy with her mother and then I just start sobbing. How can I be a happy bride at my wedding when there is an obvious emptiness? I love my fiance's family and of course my fiance, but they aren't replacements of my mother. I so terrified I am going to be a basket case on what should be one of the happiest days of my life!
2007-01-14 09:51:21 · 21 answers · asked by luscious_pineapple19 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
ur mum would want you to be very happy on your wedding day, think about that! she wouldnt want you to be sad. bring something with you that reminds you of her, for example wear a necklace of hers? your mum would be proud and would want you to have a great day!!
2007-01-14 09:56:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If at all possible get up a little early and go to your Mom's gravesite. Sitdown and have a "chat" with her and let it all come out. Say a little prayer and then go start getting ready for the ceremony.
Your mom doesn't want you to be sad during your ceremony and she will be with you in spirit.
I have seen where during the cermony you light a candle for her. If you have a sister that is not in the wedding party, perhaps she can be escorted down the isle then light the candle that is by a display with your mom's picture. If you do this it may cause you to be emotional.
I really like the idea of having a locket around your neck or wear some of her jewelry.
2007-01-14 12:05:43 · answer #2 · answered by Christina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can certainly relate to your situation. Although I am not getting married anytime soon, my mother passed away from breast cancer when I was only 6 years old. You will always hold a special place in your heart for her and there will be days that you feel lost without her. In the end, you just realize that she loves you and she will be with you in spirit. She would want you to be happy and move on with your life. There is no living in the past. If you are still concerned that you will be a wreck on your wedding day, perhaps you can push the wedding back a couple of months. I am positive that everyone will understand.
2007-01-14 10:09:19 · answer #3 · answered by Jamie S 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry, lucious.
You are still grieving sweetie; & you will be for quite sometime yet. By now you understand that grief comes in waves and you have to learn to ride those waves until it passes....until it rises to smack you again.
You understand the fact that your mother isn't going to be here on this most important day of your's. And that NO ONE will ever replace her. But do you have some other close female relative or friend that you can confide in & share this with?
Emotions run on high during a wedding anyway, so this will be hard on you. Understand & accept that.
And if you shed tears for the absence of you mother; well there's no shame in that. Make sure your officiant is aware of this so that if she/he must stop the ceremony while you compose yourself, they'll be able to do so.
Make sure you are well rested for the ceremony. Realize that you will be surrounded by many who love you as they witness you vowing your love to this one special man. Know that Mom is with you always; in your heart. She knew she would miss this day, but she died being very proud of her little girl.
Walk down the aisle elegantly with grace, just as she would have wanted.
2007-01-14 12:34:56 · answer #4 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I cannot imagine a Mother not wanting her Daughter to be happy on one of the most important days of her life. Honor your Mother by doing just that. Your future in laws will never replace your parents, but don't close the door and opportunity to recieve and give love and to develop those quality relationships. Your Mother and others that leave before you do in your family, will always live on in your heart. One day there may be children, they will want to know about her and how much she loved you. They will want to know about the good times and the bad.
One way you might honor her is to have a vase of flowers at the wedding or reception with a picture of her on a table nearby. Congrat on your new wedding. Make her proud, be happy.
2007-01-14 13:18:15 · answer #5 · answered by nekoala2 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A) Make sure that you are aware that getting married is a great thing, but it definitely shouldn't be the happiest day of your life.
B) Honestly, I would personally suggest that you wait. Your mother sounded like and exceedingly important person in your life, and it wouldn't be fair to yourself or your fiance to be distracted at all from your ceremony. If he truly loves you, he'll understand this.
C) Nobody can replace your mother, don't pretend they could. But you can reach a place where you're more comfortable about this idea of a vacancy in your life. Talk it over with your fiance, and understand that these feelings are VERY important.
2007-01-14 09:57:51 · answer #6 · answered by chrisser665 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know your pain, I lost my mother on Feb 27, 2005 from lung cancer. I am getting married Feb 3 and everyday I get this ill feeling and tears in my eyes that she won't be there. My fiance said that his mother would be there for the both of us but it is not the same. This is how I am dealing with it...I am taking a picture of her with me and have it strapped under my garter. I know she is watching me but I want her close. I just hope that I am not standing at the alter and lose it. But I guess if I do, you know they say everybody cries at weddings so I will just be fitting in.
2007-01-17 14:42:08 · answer #7 · answered by theweddingkiss 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to accept the sadness and incorporate into your happiness, not try and "get over it". Not try to "be happy" instead of sad, but be happy and accept that yes, you will always be sad as well.
My husband's brother married 18 mo after their father died and 1 year after their grandfather died. His bride gave him a beautiful folding picture frame with their picture to carry in his pocket, and all the brothers wore matching lightening bolt pins that to them symbolized their father.
There was a part of the ceremony where they honored the parents and grandparents by giving them a rose and then throwing two roses in the water for the dad & gradfather (it was a beach wedding).
But if you aren't ready to incorporate your grief (and I won't say be over it because you never will be "over it") into your happiness - then perhaps you aren't quite ready for this. This is still very raw for you and weddings are particularly emotional times. That is a lot for you to deal with.
You also mentioned Hospice. Talk to them. They offer amazing support to family members as well as the dying.
2007-01-14 11:25:19 · answer #8 · answered by apbanpos 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your mom will be with you on your wedding day--- you will "feel" her presence and she will keep you from getting overemotional -- think of her in the morning as you get ready--- you KNOW she is so proud of you and how well you have held together to plan a big wedding after going through the loss of her--- and don't forget your dad- you have to be strong for him because really, HE is the one who is going to feel the loss the greatest--- you will have your husband, he is losing a daughter and he no longer has a wife---be happy-- your mom will be there in spirit---if you can, wear something of hers on your wedding day, if it's her purse or a piece of jewelry----her love will come to you and give you the strength you need for the most wonderful day of your life!! CONGRATULATIONS!!! and don't forget to dance to "daddy's little girl" with your father--- it will mean so much to him!
2007-01-15 09:55:35 · answer #9 · answered by mac 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would get a nice locket and put your favorite picture of her in it. Then wear it throughout the ceremony. This way, you will be comforted and reminded that she loves you, and is watching from above. And think about what your mom would want you to do. I'm sure she would want you to be full of joy on this special day, so fulfill her wish and don't let the disease that took your mother take her memory or one of the most important days of your life.
2007-01-14 10:03:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel with you. I lost my mom 11 months ago and I know when the day comes it will be very hard. We are unfortunate not to have their wisdom and their help on the biggest day of our lives. Words are hard to heal but just knowing your mother is watching you and that she is so proud of the woman you have become will make her heart soar and it should make yours as well. If you lose it, you lose it, you do not have to apologize to anyone for that, please believe me. No one will ever, EVER replace a mother, or her love, but it sounds like you are marrying into a wonderful family who are supportive. Be thankful for the small blessings like that and know your mother is happy that you are being taken care of. My mom never knew my boyfriend but I met him the day after her funeral and I know she and my father are thankful for him and his family who love me as well. Good luck to you, have a great day and embrace your new life.
2007-01-14 14:49:49 · answer #11 · answered by Rhode Island Red 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋