Anyone with kids can you HELP a single MOTHER needs some urgent advice??

Question

ok i live in ipswich have a 3yr old i work 4 social services care assistant...my hours are like from 7am-3 or 3-10pm he goes to nursey between 9pm-6pm mon-fri i work every other weekend as well one early one late....

I am single mother and my rent + bill etc no need go into all that as well all now roughly how much all that is...

i dont know what to do as i keep thinking to let him go live with his dad as i dont know if i can afford to do all this alone....I know what alot will ask dont his dad help his dad has just told me ill give u £60 a mnth thats it...

i get child tax credit working tax credt and also that child benefit thing...but really is that enough...

please advise me as i dont want to be a normal statisic on benefits in a counil house....and i want to show my son that there is more to life then that...

is there any other form of help i dont know of?
Also its child care..i cant find someone have him between 7am-9am till he start nursey and after6-10pm at work

so child benefit will take 20% of what he makes is this true??

do i actually get that though...as i heard that when you do it that way it messes around with other money and doesnt actually help you just leaves you off the same please advice on this

Answer 1

As you are a care assistant what about childminding. It is what i did i am at home with my children i still get working tax credit,child tax credit and child benefit i also get housing benefit. I have the best of both worlds i work and i am with my children.

Answer 2

if what you are saying is correct - kids are well cared for but she shouts - then on balance she doesn't need to worry too much (easier said than done). They won't take the children from her. They will just get her help and support and maybe send her to parenting classes. Being placed on the register will not mean losing custody. It sounds to me as if she is under a lot of stress and pressure. I would suggest if yu want to help that you ask her how best she thinks you can help. Given the pregnancy and the 3 children, maybe she needs a little time out, perhaps you could take the older children off her hands for an hour or two. Or perhaps you could have her over for dinner once a week, cook something for her and the kids and wash up afterwards?

Answer 3

There has to be another way, Partial custody is better than full time at his dads. Wont your child be going to pre school soon? If so that will alleviate some of the cost..I'm not sure were it is you live, but here in the states the utility companies offer discounts for certain income brackets. look into that, find another mom from the child care you can become friends w/ & trust to help out. Moms do that here. Try everything before you give him to dad completely, 3 yrs old is too early to sit him down and explain. He'll only remember you gave him up. Good luck !!!

Answer 4

whoah there. You sound like you are in a bit of a mess. Don't do anything in haste. First of all do not think about giving up custody of your child for financial reasons as there is always a solution to that problem. Most tax credits and child benefit are only payable to the main carer anyway so you would need the child to be with you most of the time. Tax credits do not take in to account any maintenance from ex partners so will not penalise you for recieving payments. You should also be able to claim for childcare costs. You may be able to claim help towards council tax and housing benefit without it affecting your claims. Your council can help you with this. It is hard being a single mother and going to work but it will work out for you if you find out as much as you can. Having hardly any money is no reason to give up your child,all kids need are love and stability if you can give your child this then it will all be worthwhile. I have spent many years living week to week but I would not change my time spent with my children for any amount of money. Take a deep breath,think things through clearly and lots of luck...you will be fine.

Answer 5

You know...it will get less expensive as he gets older...he is almost in school now right? Any chances of changing hours around to better accomodate the boy? I was a single mother of two for a long while and i worked three jobs (their dad watched them while i worked 'off hours' ) I got no money from him. I lamented that my kids were missing out on so much, we all slept in the same room, we went to the public library for a 'Saturday afternoon out' but really - its OK. If you love this child and you are meeting needs like heat is turned on and food in his belly every night ...you are doing great. Is your question that you think you should let his father raise him because you cannot afford to? I would say no. You are doing well and you can get a promotion at work and do even better, and he will get older and wiill need less child care. I dont know what it s like in England but here in America the dad would pay 19% of his taxable income to child support. Good Luck to you.

Answer 6

That is really tough.
I don' t know the law, but I think that employers legally have to help you in this sort of situation.
Talk to your supervisors. See if your hours could be adjusted or shortened.
Could you find work elsewhere with more suitable hours?
How much better off would you be if he did live with his dad? Not much I'm guessing.
Would that improve his quality of life?
I know it costs a lot to have a child but you can give him plenty that is free. Attention, making things out of bits you find, going for nature walks, visiting neighbours, going on a bus ride.
Don't let him know you're worried about money - hes too young for that kind of burden.

Heres a quote from the last link below:

Legal points

If you are a woman and are refused reduced hours work (for example on return to work after maternity leave) unless the employer can objectively justify the need to work on a full time basis, this can be found to be unlawful indirect sex discrimination. Contact the Equal Opportunities Commission for further infomation: www.eoc.org.uk or see our factsheet on Flexible Working
Since April 2003 employers have had a legal duty to seriously consider requests for flexible working from parents of children under six. See our factsheet on Flexible Working
Before making a complaint to the Employment Tribunal an employee must usually make a formal grievance to his or her employer - please ring our helpline for further information of look at www.dti.gov.uk/resolvingdisputes

Answer 7

We're on govt assistance here in the usa, and I know what you mean about not wanting be just another statistic...

BUT, if getting more assistance will help, go for it. As long as your child's basic needs are met, the only thing he really needs is your love!

please don't make him go live with the dad just for the money.you obviously love your son very much, he should stay with you.

take a long hard look at all your monthly expenses. the first thing I tell people over here is: get rid of the internet and the cable tv. stop eating out/take-out. I was also able to get my phone bill cut in half, by calling them and explaining my circumstances. most credit card companies will lower your interest rates if you ask them nicely. buy in bulk, and buy generic brands. it's hard to live cheaply. but it IS possible.

I hope everything works out for you, and I hope at least some of this was helpful.

Answer 8

I have 2 kids one 11years old and an 18 month old baby up until 6 years ago I was a single mother and I had to do a job that I didn't really like but like yourself I wanted to earn my money and not have it given to me in benefits. I did this job until my daughter started full time school and then I went out there and found a job that suited my qualifications and a job that I loved. Basically I put my life on hold to raise my daughter as I brought her into this world and wanted to support her and take care of her myself - I didn't receive much from her dad and he only had her 1 or 2 times a month - your son will be in full time school before long and they grow up so quick - money will be tight - but you will be able to get through it - if you let him live with his dad you will never get that time back - speak to his dad and get him to help out more if he won't pay then he needs to help look after him while you work

Answer 9

I'm a single mother and I work and look after my son. You are getting all the financial help you're entitled to, I get the same, but his father should be paying you 20% of his salary (unless he lives in a house where he's supporting other children, in which case this is deducted from what he pays out - sucks doesn't it?). If he's not doing that report him to the Child Support Agency and get them to deduct it directly from his pay - they can do this but you need to push then otherwise they won't tell you.

Can you not change your hours? Employers are supposed to help parents with flexible working hours. If you go part-time, what you lose from your salary will be made up by the tax credits up to £13k a year. If you're on loads more than that you should be able to manage anyway. It's not easy but loads of us do it. In my opinion handing your child over is not an option.

Answer 10

Well I dont know how things work where you are, but talk to Child Support and they can arrange for him to pay how much would be okay. Sit down and plan out your bills and rent. Find out how much a month your paying for all your bills and add it up. Add the cost of child care and gas to that to. Make a food budget, buy things when they are on sale. Simple things like that can save you alot of money.

**Some times they take out more then 20% and yes you do get the money. Thats why they take it out to help the mom take care of the child.