Last night my boyfriend and I went out for a drink. We went past a take-out and I asked if my partner would go in to see if they did pizzas as I had our dog with me. He just kept telling me to go do it myself but I couldn't leave the dog. I shouted at him and called him lazy and then he grabbed me and pushed my face up to a shop window and threatened to push my head through it. We walked home arguing and I was really upset. When we got home I went into the bedroom and told him I was going to sleep. He stood over me and said that he was going to rape me.
This isn't the first time he's threatened me, but usually he's excessively drunk and we're at home already. He wasn't drunk last night, in fact he was more or less sobre. He's never done anything apart from shout at me when we've been out.
The thing is that I can't leave. I have nowhere else to go and I cannot afford to live by myself. Is there anything else I can do to stop this?
2007-01-14 09:37:42 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You need to find a way to leave. That's no way to live. Try to save up extra money or find a job that will allow you to get your own place. Please do not stay with a guy that treats you like that. You can always do better.
2007-01-14 09:42:53 · answer #1 · answered by gmatthews86 1 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Don't say that you can't leave and that you have nowhere to go. Go to the police and file a report. Once they have it documented they'll arrest him when he does something like this again. Almost every city has a local battered women's shelter or some organization that is designed to help girls in your position. Do you have parents or other relatives that you can stay with, even a close friend? Point is, you need to get out while you still can. It's not a matter of "if" he'll get violent again, it's "when" he'll get violent again. People like that do not change so DO NOT wait around for him to do it, it wont happen. I had a cousin who was abused but she would't leave because "oh, he promises that he wont do it again" it was little things at first, threats, etc. Then he would hit her, or kick her. He put her in the hospital over and over again but she refused to get help. Finally, he ruptured her stomach and the infection almost (should have) killed her. Don't ever think that it cant get that bad, because it can and often does. You can make it without him, despite what he might tell you so please, seek help and get away from him.
2007-01-14 10:04:09 · answer #2 · answered by Heather 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
U need to be working on finding a place 2 go. Ur headed down an ugly road. He has mistreated U several times & got away with it. It will not stop until U leave. You little lady R going to end up getting hurt. This is no joke, it's real life. Call 211 that's red cross they can help U. Do not stay in this unless U want to get hurt more & more often. I know these sort of men & what can happen. I wish U the best & hope this helped U.
2007-01-14 09:47:23 · answer #3 · answered by Blues Man 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Isnt there anyone, a friend or family member you can go to? If there is anyone at all who could give you somewhere to stay, then you need to go there, I definately would get straight out of there. There is nothing that you can do to stop him, only he can stop it. Maybe you could go to the samaratins or citizens advice and they could give you advice and help on how to get your own place. There are places like the womens refuge, you get put there by the police I think, they are for women who fear they are in danger from their partner and have nowhere else to go.
I really hope you get sorted and that you will be ok and if it was me I would tell a friend what was happening.
Good luck x
2007-01-14 09:51:15 · answer #4 · answered by hurricane 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is the beginning of domestic violence. Please don't think that you can't get out. You can. You can approach any local council (not just the area where you live) if you are fleeing domestic abuse for rehousing. It helps if you talk to someone about what has happened (police, GP, friend, support worker, family) so they can confirm this is happening.
If you aren't ready to leave, talk to someone. The National Domestic Violence Helpline(Freephone 0808 2000 247) provides confidential support and advice. Talk to you GP (especially if you have any marks from where he was physical but also to get a record somewhere of what is going on (in case you need it later)). Talk to a friend or family member. They may be worried about you already and want to help. Please don't feel ashamed or worry that you are to blame because you shouted at him. His behaviour was unreasonable and he has a choice about how he behaves.
Please remember that none of this is your fault and you don't deserve to be treated like this. Abuse is about gaining control and power over another person. It isn't just about physical violence and more often it is the emotional hurt that is hardest to cope with. If someone you think (and who says) they love you starts to put you down, threaten or intimidate you then there is a serious problem. You have the right to feel safe. Most importantly you should feel safe in your relationship. If he has made threats like this to you, you will always wonder whether he will carry out these threats and be afraid of him.
I have worked with victims of domestic violence for 10 years. I have not heard of any case where the abuser changed their behaviour.
I know this isn't what you want to hear but I want you to know that you have many choices available and you CAN get out.
2007-01-14 11:02:33 · answer #5 · answered by Rats 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
DONT BE A FOOL get out now nobody has the right to do that to you
If you let him get away with it he will do it and worse
You don't need him
You can do a 100% better than him he`s a coward
There`s refuges for you to go to so don't use that as a excuse
There`s always somewhere to go where did you live before you lived with him ?
phone citizens`s advice they should give you the number
2007-01-14 10:40:02 · answer #6 · answered by Black Orchid 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave. There are refuges and other places that will take you if none of your friends or family can do so.
You can live on your own. If you have to, get a room in a shared house and work a second job.
Love yourself more than you love him/the relationship. It's the only way you will survive this. Get out and good luck.
2007-01-14 10:04:43 · answer #7 · answered by Sun is Shining ❂ 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
what you just said is the formula for domestic violence, now then if you do not leave you will probobly get beat up, then the next day he will apologize and do something nice for you, but at the same time never really admit guilt. Other then that you can do nothing, the two things you said you cant do are the only things that can get you out of here. Well have fun being beat up daily, usually when women who stand for this's kids watch this and kill themselves because of it, they relize they need to leave.
2007-01-14 09:45:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You do have a choice to leave. Please do not stay in this situation. Yes, life might be a bit tough for a few weeks after you've left (go to a women's refuge, they do not charge money and will help you get sorted. if you really have no money you can stay on a friend's couch, room share, anything), but what is the alternative? If he's shown violence towards you once (and threatened rape), it's almost certain he will do it again. You might kid yourself but the fact remains, once he's done it once it is far easier for him to repeat the violence, and escalate it until it puts your life in danger. Your life is your own and please don't make excuses for not leaving. The situation is definitely not going to improve if you stay there.
2007-01-14 12:14:40 · answer #9 · answered by Nikita21 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes you CAN leave! There is always a way. Go to the police if you have to they may be able to refer to to a woman's refuge as a temporary measure.
You CANNOT stay with a man like this unless you want the rest of your life in ruins? Are you thinking of staying with him long term....children?....Think of the crappy father he'd be and the example he'd set your kids!
You KNOW what you need to do, do it now. You must respect yourself. He will not change, although he could get worse.
It takes courage of course, but you'll look back and be so glad.
Best wishes.
2007-01-14 09:47:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well first you should really tell somebody like a close friend or even a close relative about him threatining you. This is verbal abuse and verbal abuse is one of the first signs of an abusive husband. You should always have backup in sutuations like this, like someplace to live just in case your introuble or financially in trouble. You cant really do anything about this because it seems like confronting him will only get him mad and it will lead to more arguments, just surround yourself with positive people, maybe join a church group and become good friends with some of the people that work there and tell thim about your situation and then when its safe break up with your boyefriend and tell him you cant stay with him in this kind of environment. Its really not safe to stay with him when hes verbally abusing you it will only get worse trust me. I had to watch my mom go through this everyday. Just try to get out while its early.
2007-01-14 09:49:51 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋