My wife and I have been married 6 years. we have a 4 year old child together. We have split up once before in the past for 3 months and now she says she is leaving again. Everything seem to be fine ,she is doing good on her job.we have been getting along well. So I thought. She goes thru mood swings One day she loves me the next she wants to run away. I Love her, but when she gets in one of these modes there is no talking to her. she's right and thats it. I know she will want to come back eventually, but how much heartache can I take . I feel if we did get back together its only a matter of time before she wants to run away again. and its really starting to effect me. I really care about her , but i'm at my wits end and its becoming too much for me to take. I need some sound advice on this. what should I do?
2007-01-14 09:30:35 · 9 answers · asked by xtreme.pyro 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Did you ever realise that whenever someone tries to apply a logical and reasonable solution to a problem, it doesn't work? ... it's because it's never the "logical and reasonable" solution that's needed... it's the unlogical and unreasonable one.
It's what therapists call "reverse psychology".
The only way for this relationship to survive is by breaking it.
Imagine both of you break up (temporarily, of course), and you two have no contact whatsoever for a while... she will REALISE how good you have been to her, realise how PATIENT you were, and that you were probably the BEST THING THAT HAPPENED TO HER, the only one who accepted her for who she was!
It is always when something's missing, that you actually realise it was there.
If, after the break-up, she comes back to you... it will be in fact HER decision. I insist on this point. It will be a decision that she made by herself, without anybody's help. It will be what she truly wants. And she will know this. She will stick to her decision.
2007-01-14 10:06:04 · answer #1 · answered by Muse 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a very difficult situation. My ex husband is bipolar and we have two boys together. I asked myself how much was I going to take until I knew I couldn't take it anymore. I mean I knew without a doubt, I left and never looked back. Is your wife in therapy and/or on meds? That can make a huge difference. My ex refused any and all help. He was such a jerk to me and the boys. But then he could be so sweet. I loved him with all my heart but I couldn't take it anymore.
Maybe if the two of you could go to counseling. I am not sure if this would work but it is just an idea. I would really just say listen to your gut. And I only say that because that is what I did. There were many times I wanted to leave but didn't. I don't think that I was ready to give up and I am sure that I would be regretful now. I waited until I was sure, even though I loved him, that it was the right choice. One thing I thought about to was the fact that he was my kids father figure. This is who was teaching them to be a father and a husband. I don't want them to grow up being that way to their families (one of my sons is also bipolar.)
I know that was probably not to help full. Good luck to you and your family.
2007-01-14 12:57:48 · answer #2 · answered by Dark Star 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a really tough situation and I would have to wonder how much help your wife is getting from the medications that she has been prescribed. If you want an alternative point of view with some ideas, please take a look at Dr. Ann Blake Tracey's site at http://www.drugawareness.org/Ribbon/SSRIMeds.html
If you are interested in achieving some calm and peace for you, inspite of your wife's inability to do so for herself, I would strongly suggest you try the Emotional Freedom Technique... it is an energy therapy (like accupuncture without needles) that you can learn and apply yourself. There are tons of impressive stories on the site, including this one about success for a 57-year old with bipolar diagnosis > http://tinyurl.com/ydtf3n If you scroll down the page you can also download the free "Get Started" package. It's so worth it to try!
2007-01-14 10:36:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps there are things going on in her life that you are not aware of that are overwhelming to her at times. Instead of addressing those things, she runs away from them. It's the whole fight or flight thing. While I understand how it must hurt you every time she wants to 'leave', try not to look at it that way. Look at it as her just needing time away. It would be nice if she could recognize when she's overwhelmed and just say 'I need time away' instead of always having to be 'I'm leaving'.
Is she taking medication? Maybe she needs an adjustment. Counseling might be a good idea too. Just try to be understanding and always remember why you fell in love in the first place.
2007-01-14 09:47:57 · answer #4 · answered by Kris 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest counselling.
This sounds more like she is ambiguous about the relationship than like a "bipolar symptom". Either way, counselling could get to the bottom of the whole issue.
Another big thing is to act on suggestions from the counsellor. It's obvious, but it's amazing what some people utterly refuse to do.
2007-01-14 09:49:24 · answer #5 · answered by beth_h8 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, she needs to seek medical attention. One can NOT work on a marriage until the medical factor is dealt with. After taking care of the medical aspect, THEN seek the help of a counselor. I don't know (from the information you have shared) if she currently takes meds or not, but if she does take them, maybe she does not take them correctly. Many people with a mental illness tend to stop taking their meds because they think they have gotten better. If this is the case, have her doctor and/or a counselor visit with her about the ill effects of discontinuing the use of meds. If she is not currently taking meds for this, seek the help of a medical doctor first and have him/her refer her to a psychiatrist. A psychiatrist can find the right meds/dosage/ etc. for her. Good luck, I know it is very trying to deal with. You sound like a very caring and patient person. Remember to take good care of yourself through this hurdle.
2007-01-14 10:12:17 · answer #6 · answered by zita 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well : youe'r getting some "Good Advice" right now!
see there is one thing which it can lead to the next .Because
yourself couldn't make differenances work as such. Use positive
thinking all ways personnly yes it's the best effort to trust unknown at first. Talk to an family "Sychologist" then find another
girlfirend after you leave wife ok ?
2007-01-14 09:53:04 · answer #7 · answered by toddk57@sbcglobal.net 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If u luv her and she luvs u get counselling together it helps
2007-01-14 09:37:52 · answer #8 · answered by caretaker 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest counseling.
2007-01-14 09:38:07 · answer #9 · answered by bettyboop 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋