My father and I have a strange relationship, I'm sure that goes for many relationships in the world. However, I'm trying to anylise why my father has a serious problem with the smallest things. For example: I went out to get coffee in the morning, rather than brewing my own. At the cafe I decide to bring home a cup for me and my father. I figured no big deal and you may think that also. So, I get home, at the time my father was ironing shirts and I let him know I got him a cup of coffee. So far nothing wrong right? Well he shook his head in disbelief or dissapointment, I asked him if there was something wrong and if I offended him by bringing him a cup of coffee. He didn't say much besides "I don't want coffee everytime you get a cup". I walked away confused... What ever happened to Thanks for thinking of me... I just noticed my father has some serious issues, recolecting many instances of this similar nature. Thank God I have the sense to become a better father/person.
2007-01-14 08:05:03 · 13 answers · asked by smash5212 P 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Unfortunte it's not the point of being cheap, or he didn't want coffee, or that he is depending on me, maybe not about getting old. It's serious issues that he can't come to accept. How about I bought a boat this summer. Now, a boat is a great hobby. I wanted to show him the "boating life". His remark was I don't know a thing about boating and I don't know how to swim. I'm not going to come with you". Yah, I think he doesn't take pride in being a father... Good thing I will and I'm very glad that my best friends father filled the fatherly gaps my father forgot...
2007-01-14 08:40:34 · update #1
maybe he is jus carrying on what he has been taught..it doesn't make him a bad father because maybe thats all he knows..jus be patient with him and try showing him its ok too trust and be close to the people u love..good luck and god bless
2007-01-22 05:42:15 · answer #1 · answered by ♥Constance♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old is your dad ? If he's in his 50's or beyond, it may be a medical problem or mental issues. Or it could simply be the way he was raised.
I know as a parent of grown children myself, that it can be overwhelming at times - just realizing that they're grown and capable of making such thoughful gestures as you did for your dad. I handle it alot better than your dad though...or at least I hope I do.
See if you can get your dad to the doctor, to try and rule out any medical issues, and if he doesn't have any, well then darlin' I'm afraid it might just be his personality or the way he was raised.
At this point, you know what he's like, so just bear with his little quirks and continue to be as caring as you already are. Any kind gesture is a good thing - no matter how it's recieved.
I have no doubt that you WILL be a good father, because you're already such a kind and thoughtful person.
2007-01-14 16:36:04 · answer #2 · answered by Kate 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you are taking too seriously insignificant incidents.
Very likely, your father didn't accept the coffee from you because he didn't feel like drinking it. And if family members can't be honest and open with each other, then who can be?
If you want to do a favor for your father, then you should find out what he wants or needs and do it for him. And while you are doing it, make sure that you do it out of love and not as a way to get some favor from him. Setting up an exchange of favors like this without any agreement from the other person is a form of manipulation. And most people don't like being treated this way.
2007-01-14 16:25:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your on the right track. Love what you can, ignore what is not understandable.
You love him anyway, you don't need to analyis.
Not everything is meant to be understood. When you accept him as is, maybe he will do the same.
My dad said he was angry, when he got older, at himself and getting old. Not being able to do what he used to. Sometimes he was jealous of my husband being younger. They seemed to understand each other. My brother had a hard time with the attitudes. But we all loved each other and now really miss Dad.
We call those odd things "geezerdom"
2007-01-20 01:40:57 · answer #4 · answered by Pat B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do people automatic say go to therapy? That is a silly patsy way of looking at it. Just buck up and say, "Hey dad, going to get coffee do you want any?" when he is around. And when not get him a cup when you feel like it and he can do what he wants with it. It is your gift to him. Maybe invite him to come along for the ride sometimes even when he does not want a cup. You can only be responsible for yourself. As I say to my kids all the time, we are all people with flaws and you can only blame me for yours until you are 18, after that it is your own life to make of it what you will. Sounds like you are already headed there. His problems are his and you cannot change them for him.
2007-01-14 16:15:02 · answer #5 · answered by Disco Lady 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you, what ever happened to thank you!!! There are obviously issues your father needs to come to grips with!! Just be the best person you can be because in the end that is all that matters anyway!
I will take a cup please!!!! Good Luck
2007-01-14 16:10:08 · answer #6 · answered by a_blueeyedblonde 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear of your tremulous relationship with your father. I think it was very thoughtful of you to consider him when getting yourself a nice cup of coffee. You're right, his response should have been 'thanks for thinking of me'. Unfortunately it sounds like he's stuck in his own selfish world and instead of considering your feelings he's only considering his own, and acting on them verbally. Although he's hurting you right now, he's actually hurting himself more as he continues to burn his bridge with you. Don't let him bring you down, you were very nice to consider him and anyone else that appreciates you would have said thank you, regardless of whether or not they wanted a cup.
2007-01-14 16:20:52 · answer #7 · answered by *Photo-op* 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. This is a very difficult situation. Maybe hes feeling that he has to depend on you too much? Maybe he feels like hes getting older and older and becoming a burden? I would go to, like, a therapist together. That might help.
2007-01-14 16:09:02 · answer #8 · answered by 'chip! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps he feels that because he doesn't want it that you are wasting money and he doesn't want you to be broke. Is he a cheapo? Maybe he feels like you are trying to push food/drink on him when he is not hungry and such. Either way, try not to look into it. Older people have strange ways. Good Luck
2007-01-14 16:10:39 · answer #9 · answered by amandaped25 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
look in to how your father was raised. maybe his father never took the time to show him all the things needed to be a good, not that your father isnt a good, father. he may just not know how to open up to you, maybe it down and talk with him.
2007-01-21 01:00:45 · answer #10 · answered by tmpewters 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋