we are deeply in love and I trust him very much, but he often loses his temper in heated arguements with other people. He has never so much as even raised his voice to me and he swears he would never ever hit me but thats exactly what my last bf said at first but then when I wouldn't be his freak on a leash he got pissed and beat the s hit out of me. I dont want to have this reaccure but I have seen him get mad at others and I dont want him to turn on me....I dont think he ever would and I love him very much, but all my friends are concerned about him...they think I should leave him. am I really in a dangerous situation or are they worried over nothing? what should I do?
2007-01-14 07:34:47 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
we do talk openly about it and he has been taking anger management classes since I asked him to. I know the difference between an @sshole and a good guy. He is really a good guy and I'm not just saying that cuz he's better than my last bf. I broke up with my last bf 2 years ago, didn't date anyone for a year, then I found my current bf and we have been going steady for about a year now. throughout our whole relationship we have had maybe 3-4 fights and he has never hit me or yelled at me or gotten up in my face or anything. I really love him and I know I should be careful, but I don't think he would EVER hurt me intentionally. (p.s.-none of the assault charges were from women, he just gets in alot of fights with other guys)
2007-01-14 07:56:27 · update #1
More than likely none of the answers that will be posted on here is going to make you leave him. You love him. Love can be a very good blindfold to things that we really don't want to see. Your answers are really in your question, dear. Your conscience and common sense wrote that question to try and steer you clear of what could possibly turn out to be a bad choice for you.
Assault is assault, whether it be man on man or man on woman. What his record clearly shows is that he has anger and self-control issues. Is it really worth taking the chance? Are you not worth not having to worry about such stuff? You need to work on you. Apparently, for whatever reason you are drawn/attracted to this type of man being that you've already suffered an abusive relationship. You need to take a good look not only at him, but at yourself as well.
Take the couple that has a small child and decides to get a pit bull puppy. Irreguardless of the controversy, does it make sense to take the chance with a pit bull when there are so many other wonderful dogs to choose from? Is it worth the cost of having your child's face ripped off because you thought it "would never happen"?
Same theory with men. There are lots of wonderful, more suitable men out there that will not hurt you. This man's record already speaks for itself that there is potential for danger here.
Don't be another statistic. Don't take that chance. Bow out of the relationship as quickly and as gently as you can.
Best of luck to you whatever you decide.
2007-01-14 08:04:57 · answer #1 · answered by manatee lover 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't want to hear this, but.
The fact is, that eventually ALL couples have fights (not physical) but at least yelling.
The fact is, that you yourself have said that your bf had an anger management problem. That is just a nice way of saying that he can't deal with normal situations without exploding.
Right now, you and he are in love. Love is powerful when new, in time it fades. Still present but not as powerful. This is when you won't be protected.
Your friends are right in being concerned. Its just a matter of time.
When he 1st yells at you, you'll blame yourself (you did whatever it was to set him off). You'll become more submissive. In short, its a common pattern.
My advice, walk away now. I know you won't but it is the right thing to do for yourself.
Final words, if you weren't subconsciously concerned, you wouldn't have asked the question.
Take care, no matter what you decide.
2007-01-14 08:10:25 · answer #2 · answered by Vanchaser 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm very sorry to tell you this...It will just be a matter of time.. I am a very aggressive male. and have used those words myself. I hope the the judge will send him to a counselor for some therapy. It helps... If he realizes how he acts maybe he can curb this . We all are not killers, or bad people. We can live wonderful lives and love without hurting anyone. But just be prepared.. Leave aggressive people alone, if we are aggravated back off, do not confront us, just walk away. Do not try to explain or suggest anything. Use low tones, no eye contact, ... These things are only suggestions that may keep things from getting worse.
Only you can make the discussion for yourself. If children are involved. not it might , it will come a time when it hits.
seek the counseling.
2007-01-14 07:52:19 · answer #3 · answered by gimlost2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-07 03:48:54 · answer #4 · answered by oberlander 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh my. read my posts.
thats exactly how things started with my ex and it took about 1 year for it,his anger, to turn on me. now my life is upside down.
i never dealt with someone who had anger issues before so i was very naive and now i am learning the VERY hard way.
from my experience i can only say that it WILL effect you sooner or later....itsjust a matter of time.
so....what to do? get him into anger management ASAP before it does get turned on you or cut your losses and leave now. it will get worse.
2007-01-14 07:47:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would dump the guy and move somewhere else or just stay with family for a weekend so that he cannot get ahold of you. Just to be safe, this is what you should do.
2007-01-14 07:41:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be careful some people do not change.Any sign of abuse do not stay get out.See how things are going.Keep a watchful eye for ANY sign of abuse,Never stay in a abusive relationship no matter what.
2007-01-14 07:41:08 · answer #7 · answered by BLESSED 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should not trust your self. if your last b/f hit you, you need to go to therapy, and not date anyone. women like you will find the next A@# hole and think that he is better then the last, until you cant walk just walk away, then he will be worse. (and if got lucky and meet a guy that was good for you, you would walk away) get help, and dump him.
2007-01-14 07:40:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would definitely beware. He obviously has anger issues. And it seems to me it's only a matter of time until he turns his frustrations towards you.
I'd run as fast as I could.
2007-01-14 07:38:14 · answer #9 · answered by Ashley R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Someone with anger issues can never really be fully trusted you never know when they are going to snap.
Please be careful
2007-01-14 07:38:03 · answer #10 · answered by clockwork 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋