English Deutsch Français Italiano Español Português 繁體中文 Bahasa Indonesia Tiếng Việt ภาษาไทย
All categories

Son is 18 and a freshman in college. First semester resulted in 2 Ds and 4 Fs. His goal in life is to do the bare minimum required to "get by". He wants a good life, but is unwilling to expend any effort whatsoever toward achieving this goal.

2007-01-14 06:51:33 · 19 answers · asked by Wally Buca 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting Parenting

19 answers

Why is an unmotivated 18 year old in college? Chances are his high school grades weren't much better. Pressure for a kid to go to college is HUGE. Every adult that hears he was going to graduate from highschool said "so you going to college?" "where you going to school son" until finally he probably began needing to answer it or felt "unworthy" if he didn't at least go to community college. Pressure for a parent is equally taxing when all of their friends are asking "So where is Josh going to school" "What's he studying?"

He is most likely in the same boat as many students that are living someone else's dream or passion. I would ask him. "Why do you want to go to college?" Take the devils advocate stance. Don't criticize. If the answer is: because I want to do better in life, or to make more money. These are poor motivators. His self image will go down the tubes if he continues to fail. If he feels like college is the only option for success in life, he might just give up. Or worse yet feel like if he doesn't go to college he wont ever amount to anything.

This is my story. I ultimately got a degree in my later twentys.

I wasted years of college tuition money and time trying to do what everyone else around me wanted.

If he won't take your counsel, then treat him like an adult and let him find his own way. Pray for someone else to be put into his life that he will listen to.

I also have a 22 year old son now. He went through similar trials. He'll be fine. Teach him how to fish. Show him other options. He might choose school or not. But something will motivate him.

Sometimes pain is a better motivater than pleasure.

2007-01-14 08:21:29 · answer #1 · answered by Jason 1 · 3 0

Son Failing College

2016-12-10 15:27:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Unfortunately there really isn't too much at this point in the game that can be done. You can consult a lawyer about what his rights are and since he has the better future at this point he can sue for full custody and collect child support from the mother. You are right about your son being an idiot.But part of that is also your fault for not having repeated talks about taking his own sexuality responsibly. There are several other options of birth control if he is unwilling to use a condom including the sponge, spermicidal gel, or insisting he goes with the girl and recieve proof that she's had an IUD inserted. While none of these protect against STD's it would have prevented a pergnancy. At the very least you should have drummed it into his head to never ever trust another person to prevent a pregnancy. There are several posters on here stating to have him get a lawyer and sign away his parental rights. There is one major flaw in this. The only way a judge will allow this to happen is if there is another person present who will adopt the child and assume his financial responsibilities to that child. Obviously this little girl is not about to allow that to happen. From here you need to make sure he insists on paternity testing as soon as baby is born. You can get the order signed and have it done before baby is even released from the hospital. Try to keep the lines of communication open. Even though this is a bad situation if this is his child then it is also your grandchild even if mother is money grubbing trailer trash. As far as I know there are no laws about entrapment in this situation since he made the choice not to prevent a pregnancy. If she had raped him (can happen) or something similar that is one thing but it sounds like he went in with his eyes open about having unsafe sex. Make sure he gets his STD testing done. Just on a vindictive note you might have him tell her that with the fact that he's to be a father he's decided to drop out of college and get a job to support the baby. Who knows she might freak out enough to either admit it isn't his or get an abortion. I don't advocate abortion but I sure don't approve of tricking someone into a baby either.

2016-03-17 23:50:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

We just found out her took an audit or withdrew from calculus. He has been tellig us what we want to hear.
It is too sad, because he is the one who really wanted to go to this university.
Now he is blaming this on not living on campus.
His grandmother left him a trust fund until he is 25.
After that, he pays on his own, so he has no choice, but to bite the bullet,
and do the work. Even if it takes 18-25 to get a degree.

He was an honor student his whole life. I think 300 in a class is the problem,
How can one learn in such a huge mob? I would be intimidated.

I bet he would soar in a smaller class size whihch may happen.
He has this next semester to pull himself up, or go to a community college.
My heart is broken. I know he can do it, but he is just lazy.

I was on my own at 18. College, and I worked 2 jobs and lived in a studio-dump.
But, I did it with NO help from anyone.

2013-12-09 04:30:56 · answer #4 · answered by Roxanne 1 · 0 0

He's eighteen and has to want it for himself. I don't think you can motivate him any longer. I'm sure you have been trying to motivate him for a long time. There has to be an ultimatium - do well in college and we will support you OR leave college and get a full-time job. Only then will he understand that he needs to put forth effort to get something out of life. Say it once and let him make the choice.

2007-01-14 07:02:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anne B 4 · 0 0

He must learn what real life is all about. I would recommend telling him that if his grades don't improve drastically next semester, you will no longer pay for his school or support him monetarily. I would also require he get a part-time job, say 10 hours a week. Don't buy him clothing, pay for gas or pay for him to go out. That has to come out of his own earnings. You only provide food and shelter. If he messes up next semester, require him to find a full-time job and a place to live within 2 months and stand by your guns. It will be hard. Just remember you're teaching him the last lesson you can: to be a responsible adult. And this is a very important lesson for him to learn if he is to be happy in adulthood.

2007-01-14 07:03:42 · answer #6 · answered by Scoots 5 · 1 1

My parents put me through college, I put myself through grad school. When I started college at 17 (graduated HS early at age 16) they told me they would pay for me to attend college as long as I did my part. My part was to maintain my grades. With the D he will be considered passing and with the 4F's I'm sure it put him on academic probation. Maybe the courses are to hard for him and he should seek help. Most college campus' offer tutoring either by professors, or other students to help in that area some charge a small fee. If its just because he is lazy, don't pay his way anymore. I was always promised that as long as I was in college doing my part I had a home anytime I wanted it and they would be financially there for me, if I chose to be lazy and drop out I needed to pay my own way in life. Give that option to your son too and you'd be surprised what he'll do if you stick to your guns.

2007-01-14 07:09:39 · answer #7 · answered by texas_angel_wattitude 6 · 1 0

The only way to motivate his is to allow him to continue this semester or let him quit altogether. Guys at this age usually don't know what they want to do and even if they do, they are too lazy to make it happen. You financial support should be stopped. Let him work for spending money if he continues in school, otherwise allow him to come home with a clear understanding that you will not continue to support him and he must get a job.

2007-01-14 07:03:51 · answer #8 · answered by Jan C 7 · 0 1

May I ask where your son is today with life? I'm a junior in college and although i'm completing general education courses i'm unaware what I want to do with my life.

2016-08-28 17:58:53 · answer #9 · answered by Cookie Monster 1 · 0 0

Fix it now. Tell him he's finished with college (unless he wants to pay for it himself) unless he gets A's and B's only. And mean it, and don't support him financially if he hits the work force. You'd be amazed what hard work and hunger does for human motivation. Just as with a younger person, nothing will change if you allow his current behavior to go unchecked and let him maintain his lifestyle.

2007-01-14 07:08:18 · answer #10 · answered by The Scorpion 6 · 1 0

fedest.com, questions and answers